Well, I remember a time when my family went on vacation; everyone except my uncle. Let me set the stage a bit. I remember my uncle as someone to look up to. At the time I thought he could do no wrong. I think that is something with most kids. They usually look up to an uncle. I didn’t know it at the time, but he had his own demons that he was dealing with.


He would pick me up from school and I would ask what that weird smell was. He was smoking pot in his van with his friends. Being in elementary, I didn’t know what it was until later. He stole from is dad to buy more drugs, and got a DUI. General things that weren’t too good. I, however, was young and protected from that.


Meanwhile back at the ranch, the family got back from vacation. I remember walking around on the main floor. My grandparents looking for my uncle; then there was a lot of crying and red and blue lights. I tried to see what was happening. I snuck, as best as a chubby little kid could, up the stairs. I didn’t realize the creaking so much of the stairs, but I really wanted to know what all of the excitement was. The closest I got was looking through the crack of the open door.


I remember red all over the place. It turns out he had a shotgun and decided to… There was a lot of sadness in the family. My mom has and will never get over it. While writing this, I called my sister; I don’t think I’ll be over it. The thing that really stuck with me is; the cops just left. My grandparents were the ones that had to clean up that room. I can’t imagine out living your kids; let alone scraping your child off the ceiling.


I try to learn things from my past so it isn’t repeated. I can say that I have a very loving family. The only thing I can phantom is he just got too caught up in his own world. I know that whatever he wanted, that wasn’t leading him further down that road, and my grandparents should have been there. My mom too, even thought she was just getting over her divorce. I don’t want sympathy or anything else like that. I just hope someone else doesn’t make the same mistake my uncle did of not thinking there are other options.

slacker slacker
26-30, M
2 Responses Jun 23, 2007

Sorry for your loss. I always say you can never "get over" a suicide in the family, you can only get passed it. Nobody can be expected to just "get over" losing someone, although some people seem to think like that. <br />
When someone is desperate enough to take their own lives, it's like they've fallen into a pit and no longer have the strength to climb out. They don't see what they will be doing to their family. In their own depressed hopeless minds they think their family will be better off without them.<br />
I remember after my father killed himself the cops came and went. They questioned my mom and me. My mom was left to clean up the mess. The cops come and go and the family is left behind to clean up. Even after the stains are gone the scars are left behind.<br />
Thank you for sharing your story.

Unfortunatly when you are in a position like that you don't see the other options. All we can do is try to learn from what happend, remember the good times and keep on living.