Lost of Fiance

I am writing an entry hoping to help someone that was impacted by suicide by loss of a boyfriend, husband or fiance.   It was about 3-1/2 years ago, August 30, 2004.  I was dating someone (Actually we were engaged) for about 6-1/2 years. We lived together for about 5-years and had a normal relationship you would day, like any normal relationships I had the Cheating, lies and the betrayal. It  was August 26 warm summer day I was heading to a friends wedding, my fiance and I were argueing, pretty much calling it quits. I have had enough, to much of the BS and to much of  the betrayal. It just took a tole on me, we lived in the same house but lived seperate lives.. We had argued pretty much all weekend and just like when you know what you have until its gone phrase, that is when it hit him. I was leaving as I wasnt happy. Augsust 30 was a normal monday, I headed off to work, came home. He had got home before me, did the laundry (Which something he doesnt EVER do) ****, showered and shaved... We had argued a little more which got heated, I decided to remove myself from the situation. I went for a bike ride about 7:30pm, went to my sisters cried to her letting her know its over and I just cant take it anymore, she had stated that just go home and think about it and decide on somthing mutual, as far as living arrangements is concerned. Stopped by his cousin's house to say hello (which he had lived down the street from my sister) and also saw his dad. I went went around the block from my sisters which was just about a mile.. Came home and noticed everything was closed up, now when I left everything was open.. Which oour dog didnt come to the door when I had came in which was a little strange... Came in the house and noticed he wasnt in the chair, didnt think anything of it, so I walked in our room assumed he was sleeping.. Noticed he wasnt  there either.. I looked all over and just about to go to the bathroom and realized something, just something told me to turn around (I swear it seemed like forever) I had turned around just about to enter my bathroom and noticed my fiance had hung himself from a piece of ply-wood near my bathroom.. The discovery was horrific, nobody will ever understand until they experience this themselves.. There was a note left I didnt know until the police had said it was left on our dresser as our dog was under his feet .. There is plenty more to the story, please feel free to ask questions I want to help someone. Its been a long journey but after a year of intense Counseling, I joiined online support groups as a local church had a group called "Suicide Survivors" which people meets once a week  to share their stories and offer advice on how you can cope with such a loss.

Lovelif6 Lovelif6
22-25, F
9 Responses Jul 3, 2007

Thank you for sharing your terrible experience. I had a similar situation that happened 13 years ago. My fiancé shot himself in the head lying in our bed. It was horrific finding him and I couldn't stop screaming. I have never gotten over his death and still greive and cry to this day. I just can never let him go

I am so sorry for your loss! I can really relate to your experience. Last month on July 11, my fiance committed suicide by hanging. I also experienced the absolute horror of finding his body. He was 43. We had been sweethearts since we were 12!! I keep expecting that he will some day walk in the door after work! Then when I realize that he won't, a pang of sorrow hits me that sometimes brings me to my knees!<br />
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He suffered from biopolar disorder and alcoholism. We had been in a spat the night before and he left to go to his parent's house (no one lived there). He kept texting to me that if I loved him, to come to him and that he loved me. I either ignored his texts or texted back that I was NOT going to go over there. I regret that sooooo much! The next morning when he wasn't home, I freaked out. I went to his parents' home and found him hanging from the upstairs rail! It was the most horrifying and heartbreaking thing I have every experienced. I screamed like a hurt animal, hugging his hard cold body. I kept rubbing his furry tummy crying "no, no, not my baby". I feel so much guilt for not going to him the night before. I had no clue how much pain he was in. I also felt that his texts were just to manipulate me while we were arguing. If I had gone, maybe he would be with me now!! I will never get over this! <br />
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His family did the same thing that your friend's family did. Just a few days after the funeral, they came over like vultures and took everything of his!! Since we weren't married, I had no rights at all. I wasn't even allowed to be a part of the planning of his funeral! I didn't even get to sit with the family at the ceremony. I didn't know my body and soul could feel so much pain!<br />
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It has been a month and a half since his death, and I still can barely function. My chest is constantly tight and hurting. Now I know why they call it a broken heart! Mine feels like it did literally break!<br />
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Be strong. Surround yourself with supportive people. We will get through this. :)<br />
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Kathy

I'm sorry for your loss. Kindness is so powerful that it can heal. You've turned your pain into a gift and I admire you for that. You'll find healing by helping others. Keep it up. God bless you always.

im sooo sorry this happened and i lost my uncle like 7 years ago he hung himself im soo sorry really welps i gosta go

I am so sorry for what you have had to deal with. I can definitely relate, 2 months ago, My boyfriend committed suicide 2 minutes after we argued and then broke up. I was quite certain him and I would get married but there was a lot of bullcrap that went on in our relationship too. I can imagine you played the "what if?" game for quite some time! I do every single day. <br />
I hope you are doing okay. Sorry again for your loss! :(

Wow. I am so sorry. I can never imagine going through what you have gone through. It makes me feel ashamed for being one who WANTED to take his own life for the very same reason. I have learned something by reading your story. As a person who's had suicidal ideations based on a lost relationship, I never thought of how horrible that would be for the person I would have left behind, no matter if it was over between us. Again, I'm sorry for your loss. I hope all is well. Thank you for sharing something so personal.

my ex boyfriend tried to kill himself couple of days after we broke up. lucky his friend found him in time. I got a call from my ex's best friend calling me names... that is how I learned what had happened. Though it was 8 years ago I do not think I will ever forget. I still feel the guilt. <br />
I can not even think what you have been through. Thank you for sharing. Best of luck to you!

Did the NOTE explain things to you?

Wow. I lost my father to suicide. Can somewhat relate. But that is a really sad issue. Good Luck.