How Suicide Affecting Me In Real Life.

All my life i had heard about people committing suicide. Maybe in movies, stories from other people, and then finally, it happened to me.

I remember that my mom, my sister, and I had just got back from grocery shopping. I was eating dinner in my room by myself when my friend had called me. When i picked up the phone she had told me that a girl in my class named Crystal has killed herself. My first thought was that it was a nasty rumor, but then she told me her dad had told her, and her dad was on the school board (her mother had called the school after it happened). Then it just hit me and i hung up the phone and started crying. That was one of the times i remember crying the hardest. My mother came in my room and obviously asked what was wrong and i told her, then we both sat there and cried for quite some time.

Crystal was someone who i had known since i had been in grade school. My family and her family had known each other. Crystal played soccer with me and all of my friends. She was acctually an outstanding player. She also got very good grades, one of the top people in our class. She was always really quiet, but smiled really easily, and was acctually a funny person once you got to know her.

When we got to middle school, Crystal played basketball and continued to play soccer and get wonderful grades.

Then, in high school, she mostly hung out with a girl from the soccer team, and sometimes some other people. She would always wear her hair up in a high bun on top of her head, which everybody would playfully joke with her about. Alot of the guys acctually said that Crystal had gotten pretty once high school came.

Crystal's sister was also on my cheerleading team. She was a grade below me.

The day i found out Crystal had died, was the day before school had started. When i got to school, it seemed like everybody was fine and i wanted to scream at every single one of them. We had a moment of silence for her in all of the classes, but to me it didnt seem like enough.

The next day, my mom and i went to her house to give her family food and flowers. Her sister that was on my cheerleading team had come home and was walking up just as we were leaving. She told me that she hadnt been in her house since it had happened, and that she wasnt ready to go inside yet. I told her that she could come over to my house instead, and that is when she told me all the details.

Crystal had shot herself in the mouth with her dad's gun. Her dad was a police officer. Her parents were divorced and she lived with her mom, but had stolen the gun. Her youngest sister who was still in grade school was the one that had found her. Crystals family had gone school shopping the night before and had asked her if she wanted to go with them. She declined. The girl on my team told me the signs were there, she just didnt take them seriously. Crystal many times had told her sisters she wasnt happy anymore. She also rejected any phone calls she had gotten, and never hung out with anyone over the summer. She also went on a crash diet. The police found websites containing suicide help on the computer. She had wanted help at first.

Crystal left a 32 page suicide note.

I attended the funeral and almost couldnt breathe because of how hard i was crying. The casket was closed, which was even harder to believe that she was really in there. The funeral was held at the funeral home rather than the church (they were catholic) because suicide is a sin.

For a long time, i couldnt sleep with the lights on. Crystal was by no means my best friend, but it still affected me very much. She was a very good person, and she would have gone far with soccer and academics.

At first i was mad at her. Why would she do this to her family? Minor problems in highschool arent worth killing yourself over..are they?

Then, i began to realize that there was just more to it. Some people cant save themselves. It still doesnt justify it, and i still dont understand it, but i am no longer mad at her.

Who knows..maybe she is in a better place. But i still think about her very often, and i believe more people in my school should.

Ive broughten this up today because today i found out that my moms close friend had shot himself.

It makes me think about life and how every person should enjoy what they have, and not dwell on what they do.

And even though i have a better understanding and acceptence of what happened, i still find myself asking why and quietly crying about it.

I dont know if i will ever be able to get over it.

hwolfe143 hwolfe143
18-21, F
Jul 12, 2007