I Lost My Brother

My brother Ethan was in a long term relationship with this girl.  He told me numerous times while sitting on our porch smoking a cigarette that he thought she was the one.  Well one day she decided she didn't want to be with him anymore.   He was devastated.  He left my house and went to see his friend at her hair cutting school.  He had taking some pain pills my mom had from her back surgery.  We brought him back home and he was distraught.  I tried talking to him and he said "I don't want to hear your **** right now".  Then  my mom talked to him and he told her to just leave him alone, he just wanted to sleep.  My dad went to my brother's room and found that he was not there, he climbed out the window.  We thought he had just left with some friends.  We were wrong...

On October 4, 2008 we reported him missing.  We looked for him for 2 months thinking he was just at a friends house.  The police department looked for him there was a facebook group called "Wheres Ethan Davis" it had over 400 members.  On December 7. 2008, three detectives came to my house and I can remember looking for my brother but I didn't see him.  Then when I heard the words "I regret to inform you" I knew.  They found my brother's remains less than a mile from my home.  We had looked all over the state for him and then we come to find out that he was less than a mile from our home.  He had a memorial that was would be just what he would have liked.  Nirvana was played "his favorite band".  I created a slide show of pictures from when he was a baby to days before he died.  The shock hadn't really set in yet tho.

The months following have been hard on me and my family.  The only thing that keeps me from doing the same thing he did is knowing I couldn't do that to my family.  I know that if he just would have thought twice he would not have done it.  There isn't a day that goes by that I don't regret not helping him.  I should have known what was going on, but I didn't.  All I know now is that I will always love him and I will never forget him.

Jdavis58 Jdavis58
18-21, M
4 Responses Feb 17, 2009

80% OF YOU WILL RELATE TO MY STORY.. I HOPE THIS STORY GETS ALL OVER THE INTERNET AND WE CAN GIVE CLOSURE TO MANY OF YOU OUT THERE STILL IN THE DARK AND ASKING WHY!<br />
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DECADES IN THE DARK. THE TRUTH OF TODAY IS HERE<br />
PLEASE....READ LORI'S STORY NOW GONE PUBLIC LEAVE ME A REPLY WHEN YOUR DONE READING IT ON THE SITE BELOW. I CAN ASSURE YOU..IT IS THE TRUTH!<br />
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www.Drugawareness.org/recentcases/suspicious-suicide-of-sister

I am so sorry for your loss! I can really relate to your experience. Last month on July 11, my fiance committed suicide by hanging. I also experienced the absolute horror of finding his body. He was 43. We had been sweethearts since we were 12!! I keep expecting that he will some day walk in the door after work! Then when I realize that he won't, a pang of sorrow hits me that sometimes brings me to my knees!<br />
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He suffered from biopolar disorder and alcoholism. We had been in a spat the night before and he left to go to his parent's house (no one lived there). He kept texting to me that if I loved him, to come to him and that he loved me. I either ignored his texts or texted back that I was NOT going to go over there. I regret that sooooo much! The next morning when he wasn't home, I freaked out. I went to his parents' home and found him hanging from the upstairs rail! It was the most horrifying and heartbreaking thing I have every experienced. I screamed like a hurt animal, hugging his hard cold body. I kept rubbing his furry tummy crying "no, no, not my baby". I feel so much guilt for not going to him the night before. I had no clue how much pain he was in. I also felt that his texts were just to manipulate me while we were arguing. If I had gone, maybe he would be with me now!! I will never get over this! <br />
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His family did the same thing that your friend's family did. Just a few days after the funeral, they came over like vultures and took everything of his!! Since we weren't married, I had no rights at all. I wasn't even allowed to be a part of the planning of his funeral! I didn't even get to sit with the family at the ceremony. I didn't know my body and soul could feel so much pain!<br />
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It has been a month and a half since his death, and I still can barely function. My chest is constantly tight and hurting. Now I know why they call it a broken heart! Mine feels like it did literally break!<br />
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Be strong. Surround yourself with supportive people. We will get through this. :)<br />
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Kathy

I cried reading your story. My friend disappeared in Feb of '06. On his birthday actually. Reported missing a couple days later... Two and a half months went by before I got the phone call that they had found his body also less than a mile from his home. He was living with his older brother at the time... I know there are no words to comfort you, because I know that there have never been any to comfort me, but just know that there is someone out there that knows the pain you are feeling on the deepest level.... whatever comfort that may bring.

I'm so sorry to hear this and I feel for you. <br />
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My Daddy killed himself just over two years and I can tell you that there have been plenty of times that I just wanted to join him. However, like you, I know that's not something I can do to my family. The scream my sweet daughter made when her own Daddy told her about her Doc-Doc is a noise I would never want her to make again. I will not be the source.<br />
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As time passes it will not be so ever present but I imagine it will always be wtih you. I deal with it by talking to my Daddy. I talk to him more now than when he was alive but it does help. No phone required! ;)