Life has had many cruel twists...

I went from an unhappy abusive home to an unhappy and abusive marriage. My ex-husband had a best friend who eventually became the Godfather to my oldest son.

The moment "M" held my tiny little miracle I began to see how cruel life can be. M was 10 times the father my husband could ever be. He was there for my son and I virtually every weekend. He never missed a holiday or a special occasion. M stopped dating when my son was a toddler. People began to comment on how he looked at me. My feelings for him changed.

However, we never acted on it. It went unspoken. He filled the cracks in my life. He made my marriage tolerable simply with his presence. He was dedicated to my son who a life long disability.

One night after many drinks, he professed his love to me. It was not something I did not already know. However, when morning rolled around those words were buried. I was married to his best friend. I am not a cheater and M was of great moral character. There was an awkwardness that hung over us after that.

When my son was 13, "M" chose to leave this world. A few years later my husband threw me away like yesterdays garbage. As faithful as I was to him was as unfaithful as he was to me. At the time of our separation I discovered he had 4 other women... later I found out this had been the case through our entire marriage.

How cruel is life... the only man that was faithful to me, devoted to me, I could not have. Now I am single and my soul mate has gone to the other side. I will have to walk the rest of my steps in this journey alone, carrying this great sadness and guilt.
skk1966 skk1966
51-55, F
1 Response Aug 17, 2014

I'm sorry, I feel that the man who left you is a big big jerk. My partner killed himself a bit over two months ago and I wasn't able to stop him. He was my everything and I thought we were so happy and I'm so shocked that I'm so stupid.

I am sorry for your loss. He was not a big jerk...he lost his long and brave battle with depression. I am not angry, just very sad.