Im planning on ending my life soon ..
Abdallahbaki Abdallahbaki
31-35, M
2 Responses Sep 2, 2014

Me too.... gonna take someone out before I go tho...

Why?

Well i had it all a couple of years ago and lost everything .. I mean everything due to my addiction and i just left a court hearing and they added more charges to my current case and iv been thinking about suicide for over a year and i think its time

I see that you're hurting and feeling hopeless. I was in your position a few years ago. I've been addicted to alcohol, drugs like meth and oxycontin. It lead to me facing a number of felony charges. The legal stuff took a year and a half before I worked out a plea. Only someone like you knows how gut wrenching each second is, and how worthless and ashamed I felt because everyone finally knew how bad it had gotten. But I was so desperate, I focused all my energy on recovery (it doesn't necessarily have to be 12 step, though it is the most common program and easiest to find). That included finishing my schooling, working on understanding my demons and ending relationships I thought I couldn't survive without.
It's almost five years later, and I can't believe how good my life has been the past few years. I'm a different person with a different life, My court stuff ended better than I ever could have hoped, it's now far behind me, I have beautiful children who are happy and healthy and I'm enjoying making new friends and settling into a "normal" life. Few know about my past, but when I do share my history, no one cares.
Please don't hurt yourself. Please don't do it. I attempted suicide when I was 20 and though I survived, the experience really hurt me. It didn't get me out of my problems- if anything, they were worse after that. But it's terrifying to think I almost missed out on all the love, happiness and life I could have missed out on. I only joined this site because I saw your post. You are not invisible, nor are you unlikable or alone. Just ask for help. Please know that you've already impacted me and I care deeply that you not do it. Take care of yourself. It gets better.

Thank you very much for the response , i really really appreciate it

Look man, I'm 18, but I got low at one point I was ******* up, burned every bridge possible, got expelled from my school and got thrown in a mad house of a school, they'd lock me in a room and leave me there all day, I saw no way so I killed myself, and survived, after that I got a all new life, new friends, new alibi, I started helping people, I at one point met a girl, and loved her so much, she was my project, I helped her so much, I thought we'd never separate, 4 years later she with some trailer trash *******, getting ****** by him. I was so enraged, and I got dark, fell back to my roots, I started drinking, I was becoming an *******, people started hating me, then another girl came into my life, I don't know much about her, but she cares about me, her name's Hawk, or at least that's what she wants to be called, she's straightened me out, I'm thankful, I grew up with nothing, I live by a code of Honor, Loyalty, and Trust, so her helping me meant a lot, the other girl came back into my life 5 months later, and acted like it was my fault we didn't work out, I was once again enraged, in the end she got what she wanted, the last laugh and a **** bag boyfriend, I'm happy I have the people in my life that I do, if I were you, I'd hold on to what makes me happy, it'll drive you through your problems.

It's never time to commit suicide. I don't know you but I can tell you that you're worth it. You're worth sticking around. We are all worth it. Addiction is such a powerful demon but you can't let it win. The court issues are temporary. They won't be around 10 years from now. It's never too late to change your life and turn it around. There is so much help out there you just have to reach for it. Someone loves you. Some people love you. As a suicide survivor, the pain left behind is overwhelming. I lost a friend and my ex-boyfriend. I wouldn't wish the pain of losing then to suicide on anyone. If you won't live for yourself, live for someone else until you're where you need to be. Things always get better!

2 More Responses