Lost the Car Brakes Today

As I was driving to my new therapist's, about 3 minutes off the highway, I went to slow down and nothing happened.  There were many cars in front of me, I swerved into the other lane (thank God no one was in it), and turned the car into the nearest side street. Did I mention I have no car insurance?

I called AAA. I called my therapist to tell her why I was canceling. Not enough money to make any more calls. I TM'd my mother to come pick me up (believe me when I tell you I have come to her aid more times than my brain can wrap itself around and I have no one in my life). I then TM'ed her not to come b/c AAA. Luckily, the AAA guy was awesome, towed my car and me home.  But I had no money to tip him, and felt like a schmuck.   

I called my mother as soon as I got home and she freaked out on me b/c she's fritz ed to the max. with my brother and his current girl, both of whom are living at her house while I languish here. She started swearing at me and then hung up. She will probably come over here and ***** me out for not having a job, how I brought this on myself, etc., I'm going to bed.

Everything's gone. I know it could have been worse, I could have been arrested. I could've crashed. I came damn close. It is not true-what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, what doesn't kill me just makes me wish I were dead.  I'm sick of digging out of this ****-hole with a thimble.

And God is clearly playing some sick ******* joke on me. I quit.

Etesian Etesian
31-35, F
3 Responses Jun 21, 2007

Hey Constant,<br />
<br />
I would have silenced her but she didn't even come by. I feel the same way, like I need this. Before running out the door to go to therapy, I was bitching about apple oatmeal, would that that were the only problem now.<br />
Neither my therapist nor my mother ever inquired as to whether I was OK. Guess that makes my decision about therapy pretty f-ing easy. And my mother is too consumed with saving my brother at the exclusion of everything else. Even though he's as outwardly raging as I am quietly imploding. Even though he hocks her stuff-precious things, like her dead husband's first tricycle and is mean to her.<br />
I could spin the food thing-I could lose a few extra pounds, I guess. I could fit into more clothes. I drink too much soda, etc., I am absolutley at a loss for spinning a near accident and now a broken down car that I don't have the cash to fix. Additionally, I think (although I'm not sure) the mechanic needs proof of insurance, which I haven't paid in months. I know, it's illegal and morally repugnant. <br />
I feel like I'm walking on the edge of a skyscraper with no net under me and I don't know why I don't just jump and get the inevitable over with.

as if you needed ONE more thing to worry with! geez ... when/if your mother begins ranting/blaming, etc. silence her immediately. don't be harsh but this is most certainly not something you need to hear. as a matter of fact it only perpetuates your problem/situation. thing is - gas is soooooo expensive you might be better off taking the bus to therapy, ya know? maybe riding a bike would be a good thing for not only your mood and physical states but also for the environment? h3ll i dunno - i'm trying to think of the bright side ... i'm sick like that! :-| message me, would ya?

Apix that really sucks. I know how frustrating things can get and they just seem to never stop. I really hate that too. But don't give up. Your circumstances now may be terrible but things can always change for the better. It may take a long time but one day you may find some happiness. Message me anytime if you want to chat. OK?