My Story

i lost my husband after being married to him for 3 months and living with him in just one. we had been in a relationship for seven years before we got married. we've been through together a lot... a relationship that almost never happened... a period of only superficial communication... a point in time when we thought we would lose it... and the realization that we were really blessed when we were given a second chance. we have spent many times apart... his training in another country... my graduate studies... and yet, we were allowed to be together. ah, what great feeling it was when i was about to walk down the aisle, all nervous that i might slip or do something equally embarassing and then through my veil, i saw him... waiting for me at the end of the aisle... and then i realized - nothing matters, he is waiting for me - everything will be alright.

so many dreams... we were just starting to enjoy and allow to sink in the truth that finally, through all the joys and tears, through the separation and the thrill of listening to the other's voice at the other end of the line, we are husband and wife.

he has been so much a part of my life... i am because of him and what i was, am, because of just being a part of his life. i may never know, never understand why, but i believe that God has a reason. someday, i'll be able to hear his voice again, see the smile in his lips and in his eyes. for now, i can't do anything but try to survive... to live... be the wife he loved and not the widow he left behind. i know he's there... around me. i know i am still loved deeply. as i still love him.

and when moments of sadness come, i hope i will always remember: "for thy sweet love remembered such wealth brings, that then, i scorn to change my state, with kings..."

 

still1608 still1608
26-30
3 Responses Mar 21, 2009

Thank you for your well-wishes. His death anniversary is today. I'm holding up but i realized that i cannot think about that day two years ago again for now. i can remember so many small details... and the pain can be as fresh as it ever was. i'm afraid i'll lose my sanity. or forget what i have realized.

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband after 22 years of marriage, I know exactly how you feel. You are young, hopefully you will find a new partner to share your life with but I know it will be hard to forget the one you lost. I know I will not be able to ever let go of my lost one.

Whoa . . . I am sorry. It is my worst fear, and thank god it has not been realized to this point.<br />
<br />
All I can wish you is a token sorry, and I hope you will meet those who can lessen your burden.<br />
<br />
R