I Just Dont Know What To Do Anymore please read and help me! it will be really appreciated!

I am really depressed, it has been six months now.  I was searching the web in a poor attempt for an answer as I have done for the past previous months and could not find it.  I  came across this website and read some stories.  I found very good ones, some I felt really close too.  I really think sharing my story and hearing your advice will help.  Its worth trying at least, I tried so many things already...
Well, heres my story...
I met him in 7th grade and since then we became best friends.  We were inseperable.  We did everything together.  He was everything to me, he was always there, he was the only person I could profoundly trust in.  We choose our classes together, we never got tired of being with eachother.  Everybody fooled us that we were more than just friends, but we ignored those comments, for us (at least then) we were like brother and sister, inseperable, we knew everything about eachother but times have changed...
As the years went by I realized that we were perfect for eachother.  This had to be more than friendship because I couldnt imagine not having him in my liife or sharing so many things with anyone else.  I was definetly in love and I began to realize it .  The thing is that I knew he was the guy for me but didnt want to take a risk and ruin what we had.  After all, except for the sexual part, it was like if we were in a very commited relationship as we were all the time together, went to dinner together, etc.  As I didnt want to risk what we had, I never told him or made any attempt or move.  I wanted to conserve our relationship for the future, where it had a really good prospective and potential of being something great, getting married having children etc.
Now I am in my senior year (last secondary year) and what has happened is that he has started dating my best (girl) friend.  They, at first kind of hid it from me.  Whe he finally told me that he was dating her but that she didnt wanted me to know until they were serious I collapsed.  Then I realized that I was definetly in love, and I couldnt tolerate the idea of him being with someone else.  I simply could not bare the idea of him with another girl so I tried to express my new acquired conciousness of my feelings towards him and our relationship.  He panicked, didnt answer in the moment.  Time went by and he was distant, he never truely talked to me about what I told him again.  I tried to kind of deny what I said but anyways its hard to hide because I not able to talk to him as we used to while he is with her.  He has been really distant because she doesnt like him speaking to me.  He obeys, and doesnt really talk to me like before (not that I could tolerate him acting like he used to meanwhile he is dating her).  He shows no interest in speaking to me about the subjec or anything, we just kind of left everything open in the air.
I dont know what to do, I just cant understand how after sharing so much with a person (5 years) can one be so apart.  How could he so easily replaced me for this girl  Wastn what he had special? How could he leave everything with me behind, risk the great relationship that we had for this *****.  I cant understand what he wants, he sometimes speaks to me and then days without reaching to me.  I DONT KNWO WHAT TO DO.  its hard becasue we still share a life together.  We go to the same places, share the exact same classes... I cant figure out how to move on.  I dont know if everything we had was bull **** and he never appreciated or he is just living a phase in his life and he will realize what a great thing he had with me and come back into my life. And anyways if he does, do I forgive him? he has caused me so much pain, i cant sleep, i have suicidal thoughts every second.  It seems their is nothing to live for anymore.  I just want to disapear.  I dont know how to go on... It feels as I lost everything.  I really hope to find happiness again someday...
ifitsmeanttobe ifitsmeanttobe
18-21, F
Aug 11, 2010