Lost Out

the moment I close my eyes you are there, your hand cupping my cheek leaning in for one of those kisses that would send chills up the spine for days, looking into those sexy come hither eyes you have. .

but only in dreams now becuase I was such a fool , such a selfish person for not knowing true love when it was right thter in front of my face.

the tears I cry now I should have done a while go, but the pain was too much so I tucked it away thinking eventually I wouldn't think of him again, I can't But it didn't go away if sat thier in my heart ignored, pushed aside for daily routine.

Now that I finally realize its to late its like a death for me never have I felt so much anguish like i do now.

will this ever go away
eeyoresmuse eeyoresmuse
31-35, F
5 Responses May 20, 2012

You know, the only reason it might never go away is if we think it doesn't and meant to torture us forever. I'm not much less anguished than you are. But what I think is that the "soulmate" and "true love" concepts do us disservice, because they are very deterministic: like, you lost your love means that you blew your whole life away. It will never happen again. The love that never happened is perfect and idealistic, nothing ever happened and the image remained intact, so the image of feelings and the person become idealized. Imagine what would happen if he was available now: would you be as ecstatic about him as you are right now when you think he is gone forever.
And also, look at divorced and separated couples, all exes etc. It happens all the time that people feel like they are soulmates and destined for each other, and are madly in love. And then they split and don't feel that way anymore. But they don't regret and idealize their relationship because they can: they lived it and it's over, whereas if you have never lived it, you are essentially forever stuck at the honeymoon phase. And if you add regrets etc, then it's the image of the Love, and the One grows stronger and stronger. I remember I was reading interview with Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher when they were newly married: they had that feeling that they are each other's soulmates and everything was magic - but in the end they split. Just think, if for example at that point, in the beginning, one of them left or especially died ( -i'm saying hypothetically) Then the other one would have been left for life with the ideal image of a soulmate taken from them.
I'm in a similar situation, and it helps a lot to actually be writing this, because I know it's logical, just regular common sense. That feeling that someone is our soulmate is really hard to shake off. I still feel that that man could have been my soulmate, and he actually
always was special to me. Even a long time ago - we were not especially close, but still I never forgot him, he is the only person in my life I have ever felt that way about. And I know that I do idealize him a little. But I've lost a lot. I have never met a person that interested me as much a a person and I could always count on his advice, that was usually right.
But I also know for sure that these are not the only people we can feel that way about - if people split with their former lovers and then get together with new partners why shouldn't it be otherwise for us - only if we are stuck mourning the idea of the would have been love
There are other people that can mean as much as these our guys, they just don't come by that often, but it's true for everyone. I do wish I could have that man back but honestly, if I met someone who interested me as much i'd forget that guy.

If u ever want to talk about it message me

aw *tear* is it too late to them know now?!

yep one I will

Nah u ddnt...u jc lost d guy u trly luvd. U can stil get sum1 else..