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So Much Regret...

We were madly in love. We knew each other for about 6 years. We talked day in and day out. We met through a mutual friend when he was in my state, he then moved away for Florida. Then one day he was moving to texas and told me he'd decided he was moving to Arizona (my state) to live with family. He was partially doing this because he wanted to see where we'd take things.

I was so excited, and so scared at the same time. We hadn't really hung out in person for an extended amount of time. I knew I loved him, and I knew that whenever I'd hang out with him my love would grow more.

I think I just run from the good in my life, and I'm attracted to things that take a challenge.. Or something easy per say. We hung out a few times, we had fun, we laughed, we cuddled... he wanted to see me more. I knew I wanted to see him too, but I didn't know how to let go of my fears...

Before this guy moved to my state, I was talking to someone else. And this new guy liked me a lot. I didn't know how to end it with him so I could be with the guy from Florida.. I dissed the guy from Florida a lot... We didn't hang out as much and then he suddenly had to move back to Florida because of a family emergency.

Once I heard he was moving back, my heart was broken. I'm so stupid! I lost my chance and I'm in love with this kid. I have been for the past 4 years. He's gorgeous, so sweet, caring, loving, just perfect... and I chose to spend my efforts on someone who treats me half as good...

I don't think I've ever forgiven myself, nor will I... I believe in fate, but is this really what it comes to? He's now in a relationship, so he says talking to me is disrespectful to his girlfriend... I didn't know words could hurt so much. I'm sitting here crying because I finally realized that the love of my life, is no longer in my life. I haven't gotten over him, and he's been gone for 8 months. We've talked on and off but nothing like it used to be.

I have so much regret... I wish I could go back and just tell him how I feel. I wish I could go back and spend every waking moment with him. I wish I could go back and finally kiss him like I've wanted to do all these years. Heartbroken doesn't even describe it. I don't know what I'm going to do... I just don't know...
bellanotes bellanotes 18-21, F 1 Response Aug 29, 2012

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this really sounds horrible and im sorry for my responce. i know what your going through because im in the middle of a similar thing. i've been in love with this guy for almost a year, everytime we hang out, i love him more. we cuddle and nap together all the time but never kiss. he's my best friend but its always been more. everyone around us thinks we're together. he even got me a kitten for my birthday!....how do i prevent what happened to you, to happen to me?! he's a catch and i don't want to live with regret.

There seems to be an underlining in that relationship. I definitely think it's time you talk to him about how you feel. Define the relationship. Obviously if you guys are cuddling, and napping, and he's buying you things like a kitten; there's something else there. I personally would usually hold in how I feel until the last minute. Or until something like this happened. Don't do that. The worst that could happen is that he just sees you as a friend, and make sure to communicate that if anything, you still want to remain friends, but yet you're seeking more then that and are wondering if he is too.