My First LoveI was already in a relationship when I met my first love. I saw him and I just knew that we could have something together. I remember talking to him and praying "Please let him be boring" because if I found out that he had a great personality, I would have a tough choice ahead of me. Of course, I talked to him for the first time and immediately thought "****. He's perfect. Now what?"
He and I started texting a bit. My boyfriend found out and told him to stop flirting with me. He texted "I'm not interested in her like that. She's not good enough to get my attention in that way." Devastation set in and I stayed in a relationship that I shouldn't have been in.
At the end of the school year, he was hospitalized for a kidney infection and I visited him every day for a week and a half until he was discharged. There, we talked and became fast friends. He told me that what he said about me not being good enough for him wasn't true and he apologized for ever saying it. I knew what I had to do after it became apparent that we were growing closer.
I dumped my boyfriend. It really was for the best. I realized that I only stayed with him because I thought I couldn't do any better... But it became apparent that I could because I thought the world of my new friend. I often described him as "model gorgeous" and our personalities just clicked, so I also described him as the most beautiful person that I knew. When I told him that I split up with my boyfriend, his eyes grew wide. We talked alone in the hospital on his last day there, but both of us were too chicken to say anything to one another. The day he was discharged, we went back to his house, his parents left us alone, and he kissed me.
We dated for a wonderful 4 1/2 months. We were pretty serious about one another and I soon realized that I loved him unlike anyone I had ever loved before. I know it sounds unlikely that a 16-year-old boy and an 18-year-old girl could understand such a feeling, but being with him taught me what true love feels like. I couldn't imagine myself with anyone else. This boy was the love of my life and I didn't want to let him go.
After I moved to college, we had a shaky relationship and he ended up breaking up with me because of the distance. I didn't ever feel the same since. During the past two years, I had one other relationship. I did my best to not think about my first love, but I just couldn't. Over the two years, I realized I didn't feel any differently for him and I felt like I couldn't be honest with anyone about how I felt. I felt like my friends would laugh and call me crazy, I felt like my boyfriend would take offence, and I felt like he himself would be scared away because of my still-strong feelings.
My last boyfriend and I had been broken up for two months now. My first love talked to me all yesterday about a relationship he isn't content with. He asked me multiple times what I think about him and how I feel. I avoided telling him that I loves him like the plague. I didn't want him to feel uncomfortableand never want to talk to me again. He apologized for hurting me. He told me that he couldn't date because none of the girls were me. He told me that he entered his current relationship because she reminded him of me, but he felt no passion or attraction. He told me that if I had anything to tell him, I should just do it because nothing I could say would scare him off. So I said... "I still love you." I explained how I tried dating someone else. I explained that I just can't feel anything for him but love and I don't feel like I can love anyone the same way. I told him that I missed him so much.
And he said "I'll gladly be your boyfriend again."
So yes, I lost the love of my life and 2 years later (almost to the day), here we are back together. I am now 20, he is 18. He's changed. He's understood what it means to find happiness and emotional peace alone... He's learned lessons that he couldn't have known back then. I truly understand the meaning of "If you love something, let it go. If it doesn't come back, it was never yours." I can't wait to see what the future holds for us now.