He has been dead now almost three months.
But i catch myself picking up my phone to call him. Or checking to see if there is a text from him when I wake up.
Silly things, like wondering if I should put the tea on to steep for when he comes in, and then remembering ...he isn't coming in.
My birthday just passed, and after being freaked out, I realized he has set an application to send me an ecard. But then it was like loosing him all over.
My cousin is gravely ill now, and it was my Cody I turned to for a houlder to cry on. He was MY rock. The one person I could be weak, and fragile with. The one that didn't need me to be strong. And there is no one there now.
I've felt him with me a few times, almost seeing, almost touching. But then I remember, how can I forget? And then it comes to be...
Where once I had love and warmth and laughter. Where not so long ago were arms that held me, and strong shoulders for me to lean on. Now there's a big hole.
I lost the love of my life. The one I had waited waited my lifetime for, is gone. I wonder if this big hole will fill in? But what is there that can possibly fill it?
So now I join the ranks of the half living, raw open wounds, ones that one sees. Ones that don't bleed...so others think they don't exist.
I am one of them...half empty, half a soul, and a broken heart.
A big hole where my love used to be.