When I was 10 I lost my nanny, she essentially raised me and my two sisters. All my childhood memories centred around her and when she moved away she only gave 24 hours notice and my parents forbid me from communicating with her. That destroyed me- I never created an emotional attachment to a person until 4 years later and I still don't feel that I have a strong connection with either of my parents, at all. I know they love me but I don't feel they understand or know anything about me, I don't live at home anymore I moved out at 16. I never miss my parents. When I was 14 I became best friends with a guy called nick who I had known casually for a few years previously. We told nick everything, as soon as we woke up he'd be the first person I'd text and he was the last person I talked to before I went to sleep every night. For a year and a half. I told him virtually everything, he knows more about us than probably anyone else does. Then one night I ended up making out with him- not in a gross way, we just kissed really, but after that he stopped talking to me and cut me out of his life. This was almost two years ago, and I still love him. I didn't recognize it as love at the time but I have no doubt now that I did and still do love him. I heard he was in hospital and almost had a panic attack and for the first time in two years we texted him, and he responded. It was his brother in hospital not him thankfully enough, but I had a civil conversation with nick and I think that May have been a mistake because now I can't get him off my mind anymore. To complicate it more, my boyfriend who we've lived with for a year loves me immensely and I thought I lived him too and I don't know anymore because I don't miss him when I'm gone or when he is and it definitely is not the live I feel for nick. Nick and Elaine (my nanny) are the only two humans I can definitely say I loved and I don't know what I should do
shell17 shell17
22-25, F
1 Response Aug 19, 2014

And the worst part is, his tumblr picture is still a photo I took of him from the week he went on a trip with me and the following night was the night we kissed