How Do I Deal?

I've been with this girl for a year and 4 months, I care a lot about her and I am in love with her. For the first part of the year she lied a lot about what she has been doing (behind my back) and every couple of months she will pull this "I love you/I dont love you" crap. All it does is hurt me and makes me question anything she has ever said to me. When she says she "loves me", I question does she mean it or is she saying it so she doesnt hurt my feelings. We've had our ups and downs all year, most of them being her issues because she has had a lot of past issues, which I am trying to deal with but how well do you deal with someone who used to be a prostitute? When I've only been with 3 people including her, and my values are so different because I dont make love to someone until I am actually in love with them. Anyhow this girl who has my heart and I open up and tell her everything, there isnt one thing I feel like I couldnt tell her becasue I want an open honest relationship. But my trust for her is broken, I found out what her user name was and i found somethings she wrote. I know its wrong to be sneaky for finding out any truth about the person I love, but after a year of lying to me, I cant help but think that there is more she is hiding. Lets just say that my gut feeling is usually right, On her page I found her writing about me saying that "she doesnt plan on forever with me" and how I'm not a good girlfriend (although not directly stated, it was implied) then why are we wasting our time together? I feel like I keep getting slapped in the face with her lies. I hate not trusting her, I want to but it's hard. I'm starting to think that maybe we aren't meant to be, what do we have if there isn't any trust, well at least my trust for her. The night I looked up her page I told her that night, I cant stand secrets or lies. But I feel like thats the foundation of what our relationship is "lying". I just wish she could talk to me, but instead she rather talk to strangers. How do you know if you're right for each other? I feel like I'm putting in all the effort, by working through her past, forgiving all the lies, sharing all my thoughts and feelings, when she seems to be so distant from me.
lifeslesson lifeslesson
3 Responses Jul 29, 2010

It seems to me that she is taking you for granted and you are condoning that behavior. I think if you aren't able to trust the person you are with than what is the point of being in that relationship at all? Though you really love her and you should ask yourself if she really loves you.. If she does then it may be worth talking things out and being completely honest.. laying all the cards on the table and seeing she is willing to put in the effort to make changes but you must be willing and able to do the same by regaining trust in her. If not then it was was nice knowing her.

I hear you wanting to have someone confirm what you already know and feel. I am willing to guess that you also want to hear someone tell you that you are probably dead wrong. But we both know you are not, right?<br />
I know for myself, when my gut is screaming at me, then that tells me that I'm not in the same place mentally and emotionally as the other person. A square peg does not fit into a round hole, no matter how much you try to modify and force it to do so. Eventually you'll either break the peg or split apart a portion of the round circular area. <br />
I will always wonder once trust is broken, if I'm hearing the truth or a lie whenever their lips move. I know you don't want to hear this, but deep down I believe you already know, it's time to walk away and cut your losses now. <br />
Hold onto your boundaries and don't move them just so that you won't lose that love or that person. Maybe this is meant to be a learning relationship for you so that when the right one comes along, you will be ready and will recognize it. It shouldn't be THAT difficult and one-sided in relationships. You deserve someone who is mentally and emotionally stable. Life is too short to need to deal with more drama than what we already have no control over in our day-to-day happenings.

maybe she's not good in opening up her feelings? or maybe it's time for you to move on.<br />
we will never know if we're right for each other,all you can do is let it flows,understand and trust each other and then you will get a long lasting love