How To Acheive Success

So about two weeks ago my boyfriend was withdrawing from heroin. It wasn't as bad this time as it has been before and I attributed that to be because he was more at peace with it. You see, all of the dealers that he got drugs from recently got arrested and they are all in jail. So I was under the impression that this would be the perfect time for him to get clean. He was so ready and he really wanted to be well this time and turn his life around. He got through the withdrawals and was living as he normally does and I was so proud of him, and I let myself get excited because I really thought it would work this time. Unfortunately, he started acting shady after about a week and I started feeling like he was lying to me. And the other day I noticed something off in our bedroom and I looked in his wallet and found drugs. I am kind of at the point where I can't really let myself care anymore, I mean, obviously it bothers me, but if I let myself be devastated by it, it would ruin me. So of course, I was upset, and very angry that he lied to me about it. I confronted him and he acted like it was no big deal. But then later we went out and he told me that he was sorry and he didn't mean to upset me and that he still wants to get better. I have talked to a friend about this because she used to be an addict and she told me that he is never going to successfully get better unless he can admit that he is an addict. This is easier said than done.. I know that he knows he is an addict but he is ashamed of it and doesn't want to say it out loud. I wish I could do this for him and make things easier. It seems like there is no way that I can help him and it really isn't fair. It is so hard to love someone with an addiction but at the same time I sometimes feel like that is a different part of him and I don't see that when I look at him. Is there anything I can do for him?...any advice will help
lttlone885 lttlone885
22-25, F
2 Responses Apr 26, 2012

Thank you so much, this really helped me. It's weird because my mother was an addict and alcoholic and because of that I was put in the custody of my grandparents and my grandfather is an alcoholic. Everyone always thought that I would grow up that way but I didn't. I've never even smoked a cigarette before. I love him so much and I can't bear to think of my life without him. Even though the first four months of our relationship was us fighting all the time and him calling me some pretty nasty names. I have disconnected myself from the addiction. Obviously it will always be a part of our relationship but when I look at him that's not what I see. While I know it's a problem, it's not my problem. The only time I bring it up is if we are talking about money or if I find out that he lied to me. And no he has never gotten into trouble for it and he hasn't lost anyone yet but it's only a matter of time because the whole town has a drug problem, all of his friends, and two of his cousins included.

Has he ever gotten in trouble for the drugs? Has he ever lost anyone? I've been with a heroin addict for almost 3 years. They have been 3 years of HELL because of his addiction. This is coming from a girl who hasn't touched any drugs..ever. You will get lied to WAY too many times. My boyfriend has overdosed twice, and gone to jail twice because of this. He's "recovered" and "relapsed" about 50 million times. Why do I love him? Same reason you do. And you have hopes that he WILL day. Your boyfriend needs to hit rock bottom. Until he really steps up and takes control of his life and his addiction, there's nothing you can do. I've tried being nice and being supportive. Didn't work. I tried being mean. Didn't work. I tried the "I don't give a ****" thing, didn't work. I've even tried breaking up with him. That kind of worked. It's up to your boyfriend to finally realize that he can't keep treating you like this, and that he needs to get better, not for you or anyone else that cares about him, but for HIMSELF. Until then, all you're doing is waiting. <br />
People say that it's only a 2% chance for a heroin addict to recover. I know a lot of heroin addicts in my life. Some of them are doing great, some are doing terrible. I know 2 in particular who will probably die from it. They love it too much. On the other hand, one of my best friends was a heroin addict since she was 14. She knew she needed discipline, so she became a marine. She has been clean for 3 years now from heroin. A friend that I work with who was 11 months clean, relapsed and now she's back up to 7 months being clean. She didn't go away to rehab, she didn't go into the military..she did it all oh her own. My boyfriend is away in rehab now for 9 months. He's 3 months clean, which is the longest he's gone without it in 5 years. Everyone has their own discipline for recovery..your boyfriend needs to find out what it is he needs/wants and do it! But even heroin being one of the hardest habits to kick, there IS hope out there. If you love your boyfriend and are willing to help him through this, then go for it, but it's a long and rocky road. It's full of lies and broken trust. But it gets better. And once he starts recovering, he will ALWAYS be recovering. So, keep your head up high and do the best you can to support him. But don't forget to work on yourself! If you haven't already, check out any al-anon meetings in your area. They're meetings where you meet people just like you, who have addicts and alcoholics in their lives. You learn a lot about addiction and it helps you focus on doing things for YOU. Stay strong! I hope I helped/gave you hope!