The man that I love just relapsed after being clean for 4 and a half years.  He's been pushing me away for a while, and I guess this is why.  I feel completely lost, and he won't let me in to help him, no matter what I say.  He keeps saying that he'll just drag me down, and that he loves me too much to put me through that.  I don't know who to talk to, what to say, how to help, or how to let go if that's what I need to do.  I just feel helpless and lonely and utterly alone.
kittycatsmeow kittycatsmeow
3 Responses May 22, 2012

My husband is going through the same thing. He was a heroin addict before I met him and he joined the service to get clean, stayed clean for awhile. But since moving to the west coast, he got into tar. We have 2 little girls together and I am at a crossroads of what to do. I dont want to leave him but I am scared I might have to. Everyone I know is telling me to leave him for awhile but I want to help him. There are so many lies involved and so much hurt. Instead of buying me a gift for my 25th birthday last week, he spent almost his whole paycheck on dope. This morning I found a foil on the floor used. It was in his work notebook. I know hes just going to lie to me when I approach him but I am so scared of his temper that I dont want to even go there. Last time, he told me I was crazy and that he was going to leave me if i kept snooping through his things. He spent all of our savings, maxed out my credit cards and worst of all, cashed in my daughters savings bonds we have been saving since she was born, all because of heroin. :( I feel so torn apart, I have been trying to hold it together but I am just dwindling away and I feel like I have to leave in order to be healthy and what about the kids????? I just dont understand. I dont know how to love him or what to do. How do you recover when you feel like your whole soul is dead?

Wow, I am going through the SAME exact thing. I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years. He was clean when I met him (he was a user for years before I met him), but he started using a few months into dating. I was naive, I didn't know. It spiraled out of control, but he got clean after two years of going through it all. That was two years ago. He admitted to me just last night that I was shooting up again. I knew something was up because he was pushing me away and we were fight all the time over nothing, he started the fights every time. I cried and cried. I feel so alone too. My family has never really forgiven him for last time (he stole alot from them). My friends never forgave him for last time either. So I have no one to talk to about it. I can't tell you want to do, but I do know that you have to trust your gut. I swore to my boyfriend two years ago that if he got clean right then and there, I would stand by his side and support him all the way. I did, he flourished, for a little while. But now it's different. I think he knows that I can't go through it again. I had a complete emotional and nervous breakdown two years ago. My life is coming together recently. I know he loves me, tha'ts why hes pushing me away. But I feel like I shouldn't give up on him, and I'm guessing you are feeling the same way, right? I know for a fact, that there is nothing that I can do, and you need to know that too. He will not get clean unless he wants to, or is forced to (jail, etc). Try to see if he wants to get clean. Offer to go to AA or NA meetings with him. Look into rehab and detox programs with him, be supportive of sobriety. Tell him you will be his cheerleader if he gets clean. But if he doesn't get clean, ..... you need to walk away. I know how f'ing hard that is to do, because I'm trying to wrap my head around that idea as well. Deep down, I know that I have to walk away. I won't let him bring me down again. I flunked out of college because I cared more for him than I did about myself. I can't do that again. I will never stop loving him, but I might have to love him from afar. Do what you have to do to support him positively, but it if start affecting your life negatively, you need to walk away. You can't help someone that doesn't want help,

The best thing you can do is take care of you. Have you considered Al-Anon? I am so sorry. I am not in a relationship with an addict but my brother is a forcibly (incarcerated) recovering heroin addict. We just lost our other brother to a drug overdose after what we thought was a decision to recover. Drugs/addiction are a powerful force. I wish you both the best and will send healing thoughts your way.