I Need Hope.

My boyfriend was clean 9 months when I met him. After 3 of the most wonderful, bliss-filled months together, he relapsed. He was days away from a year of sobriety. He used infrequently for a week and a half, but I had no idea since we do not live together and are not the type of couple that is in constant communication (we both recognize that a healthy relationship mean trust and having identities as individuals).

I saw him high once. He acted really differently and when he couldn't perform sexually, I knew something was wrong. I asked repeatedly if he was on a heavy drug, but he said he wasn't. The most honest person I've ever met lied to me that day. I knew something was off, so when we found a burnt spoon on the bookshelf of his best friend (also a 'recovered' addict), I realized he must have relapsed too.

I called him and he (high, of course) confirmed that he was using again. I was devastated, but when he asked me if I would say if he didn't do another shot and recommitted to getting clean, I said yes. He quit cold turkey that night, and he went through painful withdrawal for about a week. It has now been 3 weeks since he used, and it's still a really bumpy road.

Some days are just really hard: the broken trust, the guilt, the reality of his disease. But I love this person and could honestly spend the rest of my life with him.

I need to know that there's hope. That even though this is a terrible drug, people can get their lives back. I need to know that he could have a future, and we could maybe even have a future together. He is making some big changes in his life.. so much renewal: a new job, new motivation, new meaning. He started therapy in addition to NA meetings and seems to genuinely want to follow through this time.

Am I so stupid for staying? Should I abandon my hopes of rebuilding this relationship?
Kate1994 Kate1994
18-21, F
1 Response Nov 28, 2012

If you ask my brain, id say leave the next time it happens if god forbid it does. Stick through the rough part, at worst, you will learn, at best, you will learn.
If you ask my heart, I'd say stay. You love him, he loves you, and everyones life is equally straining, equally difficult. If you are happier just seeing his face (high or not) than you are not seeing his face, stay, and be strong.

But again, I'm in the eastern Muslim culture equivalent of the situation, and equally confused. So I am sorry if my contribution holds no benefit.

I can offer an ear, endless support, and genuine advice though! Stay strong.