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Always In Charge

I love being in charge and I always knew that the right husband for me had to be very submissive.  I am very bossy, domineering, controlling, and possessive.  When I met my husband, we started out just as a normal couple dating.  But about 7 weeks into our dating I felt uncomfortable for not being in charge and I was going to end our relationship.  When we really opened up to each other and spoke the truth we both realized that we were just trying to be status quo during our dating.  He then confided that he really prayed for a wife who would be in charge of everything and he is just naturally a submissive man when it comes to marriage.  I told him that I knew I could only be happiest in a marriage that I was in complete control of but did not know how to and if I ever would find a man who is naturally submissive.  We both confessed that we thought for a long time that the man is supposed to be head of the household.  What we discovered is that a husband is to be head of his wife but this really means that he is the one who should be held accountable for a loving environment in a marriage.  The rest is like building a house.  Solid built houses all have the same solid foundation, but after that everything else is a matter of personal taste.

We talked everything over before we married and agreed that I will be the head of the household.  I will make all the decisions and when I want his advice I will let him know.  We have three basic accounts: my personal account, the expense account for the household, an allowance account for my husband, and the investment account for our future. He does not have a personal account.  I manage all the money and make all the financial decisions.  His allowance account is a check card I allow him to carry only when he is not in my presence, such as when he had to go to work, or run errands for me.  I want him to have access to some money just in case of an emergency.  But when he is with me, his wallet goes into my  purse.

Socially, my husband only has me as his only female friend and he has two other male friends.  I was so happy when his desire was not to have any female friends.  We both agreed that to the extent possible, he cannot have any associations with women.  He is to be polite and respectful to women but nothing else.  The only time my husband goes out to any event is when I allow for him to go with me.  The only other time he is allow to go out is when he is going to work, to church, or visiting our families.

Socially, I can go and come as I please.  I have both men and women as friends.  I am very strict on my husbands social interactions.  I hate seeing my husband  around othe women.  However, I love going out dancing and to other events where there a lot of women attending.  My husband and I both agreed that having a man who is a close friend to go out with is the right thing to do.  I turned on by a man who is not submissive and am very attractive to a certain kind of man.  Since I grew up in East St. Louis, I love the older "thug" type of man.  My only problem is that I am very domineering so I could never be married to this kind of man.  My husband is my prayer come true because my marriage allows for me to have a close friendship with an older "thug" type man without his being in control of my life.

I love my husband very much.  My husband and I both know that the only kind of husband I could ever have is a very naturally submissive husband.  My husband knows that when I go out dancing and to other events, I prefer to go out with a man who is not a submissive and also I do not like my husband being around other women outside our families and I am very turned on by an older "thug" type man.

So my husband and I understood this before we were married and agreed that it was only natural for me to have a non submissive man as a close friend.  Myhusband's name is James and my friend's name is Raynard and he is 52. and my husband is 50.  Raynard and I both grew up in East St. Louis.  When we met I explained to him that I am married and my husband is very submissive and that I would never leave my husband because my husband is always going to be my desire for my marriage.  Raynard told me he understood, but what I need to tell my husband is thatthough  I love being in charge at home and in control of my life and my husband's life, I still need a man who also compliments my other needs.  My other needs?  At first I did not know what Raynard was talking about but then he explained it and he was right.  Since I still found men like Raynard very attractive to me, it meant that I still love having a man who I cannot dominate but that man could never be my husband.  Raynard asked me if I actually see my husband as a man like I see other men.  I told him I never saw my husband as a man but just as my submissive husband whom I was very much blessed to because I am very domineering.  Then Raynard explained to me that a woman like me needs a husband and someone else to be her man.  I thought about it and found that I love being in complete control and in charge of everything when I am at home with my husband.  When I am not at home I love being the opposite but never, ever with my husband because it is not how I feel about my husband nor do I see my husband as a man but just as my submissive husband and do not want him to be anything other than who he truly is.  I told my husband that I am so very proud of him that he could never be too weak for me.

So Raynard and I have been close friends for three years now.  I have been married for five very, very happy years.  My husband understands his role in our marriage and also understands Raynard's role in our marriage.  When I go out dancing or to any other event, especially to where there will be a lot of other women present, I go out with Raynard.  Now Raynard has never met my husband and has no idea what he looks like.  My husband knows what Raynard looks like, as he should because he is my husband.  Raynard respects my wishto  keep my family separate from our friendship and he told me he would have it no other way because he feels this is the right way too.  Though Raynard drives to my house to pick me up, he never comes inside and he respects this. 

Raynard loves our friendship because it is what he always prayed for.  He never desired to marry again since his wife passed away but needed a woman to be his close friend.  Raynard and I are very close and we both love our friendship.  Raynard told me that my marriage is like this: James is my husband but Raynard is my man.  I found this to be so true and so naturally peaceful for me.  Raynard told me to make sure my husband understands this and can accept this when Raynard and I were getting to know each other.  So I did have many a conversations with my husband and my husband completely assured me that this is how it is supposed to be and the he knew that this is part of being married to a very dominant wife.  I just love my husband and told him that this is just another way of meeting my needs.  So my husband accepts Raynard's friendship and often lets me know that Raynard is my man and respects my close friendship with Raynard.

I have found that I have two personalities.  How I am with Raynard is totally different than how I am with my husband.  Where I am very bossy and domineering to my husband, I am just he opposite with Raynard.  One day I took note of how different I am with them both.  As I was getting ready to go pick Raynard up to go out to a club, I told my husband to get me something to drink from the kitchen.  The way I spoke to my husband was: "Take your dumb, pathetic, stupid *** to the kitchen and get me a glass of wine".  When I was over Raynard's house I was the complete opposite.  When I wanted something to drink this is how I spoke to Raynard was: "Baby I'm going to the kitchen to get a glass of water, did you need me to bring you anything".  Another time I was trying to decide what shoes I was going to wear and my husband was starting to tell me what told he thinks I should wear.  I told my husband: "***** shut the **** up and when I want your advice I will let you know".  I then immediately, right in front of my husband, called Raynard to ask what he thinks I should wear in this way: 'Baby, I'm trying to decide which shoes to wear tonight, what do you think is best, sweetie".

I also found that even the way I dress is totally different when I am with Raynard versus when I am with my husband.  I never wear make up when I with my husband.  I have a different fashion style when I am with my husband.  I always wear my long dresses and long skirts that go down to my ankles.  All of my tops I wear when I am with my husband are either button up or are neckline.  I never wear heels but flat shoes when I am with my husband.  I never wear tight clothing and I never wear shorts when I am with my husband.  I always wear long gowns to bed. I never wear perfume or any jewlry and I always wear my "Plain Jane" glasses.   I either wear my hair up or I wear a hat.  Whenever my husband and I go anywhere, he carries my purse and always walks just behind.  When we are at home, I wear a long big jersy with very baggy sweat pants 

Now my measurements are 40DD - 30 - 50 and I am 5'8.   So you can see that I have curves.

When I am with Raynard my fashion style is like this.  I always wear make up and jewlry. I always have on perfume.  I always wear my dresses and skirts very short. I always wear my tops either very low cut or very tight.  I always wear high heels.  I always wear clothes that fit tight. I wear my short shorts which reveals some of my booty cheeks and always heels with my short shorts.  My hair is always together and usually in a style that has me wearing it down.  I never wear glasses but always wear my contacts.  Raynard and I always walk holding hands or my arm is on his arm.

Raynard and I both love to hang out at small "hole in the wall" neighborhood bars which always have the same small crowd there.  The friends I have with Raynard have no associations with my family and professional life.  It is a separate life.  I do permit my husband to come to some of the bars so he can see how I behave with Raynard.  I found it most natural to be at a bar with Raynard and my husband sitting across from us with Raynard never knowing who my husband is.  Raynard loves feeling on my body and I love watching my husband seeing Raynard's hands rubbing my legs and feeling on my booty.  When I am sitting next to Raynard, he always has his hands rubbing up and down my legs and loves to rest his hand between my upper thighs.  When we slow dance, Raynard always has both hands on my booty squeezing my butt. 

One of Raynard's friends was having a birthday party at one of the "hole in the wall" neighborhood bars Raynard and I love to go to.  It is always the same small crowd at the bars Raynard and I go to so I am ok with allowing my husband to come there sometimes to see me with Raynard.  Well at the birthday party I was wearing a very short tight black skirt with a split in the back so that I was showing a lot of booty cheeks and I wore a push up very low v-cut black bustier top that showed most of my breasts hanging out in a very deep cleavage.  I had my legs, booty, and breasts ultra baby oil shining.  This is how the women dress in the bars Raynard and I hang out so I was not the only woman dressed that sexy.  So, I allowed my husband to come to this party with the usual rules of non association with any women.  My husband wore his nerd glasses, wringled pants whose length was too short for him, wringled shirt that did not match his pants, and shoes that were scuffy.  I told him not to brush his teeth that whole day to assure his breath would be bad.  Now I had my husband do this to assure no woman would be interested in getting him in trouble.  I would and have beat my husband for looking at a woman the wrong way, let alone saying anything more than hello and only after being spoken to out of respect to that women.  So while at the bar enjoying the party, when Raynard went to the men's room, my husband came up to me to ask me to dance.  I snapped at my husband saying: "When I dance, I need a man to dance with, so get the **** away from me go sit your sissy *** down".  That response just flowed out my mouth so naturally that after he sat down, I found myself surprised that I responded like that without any thought to it.  The rest of the evening my husband watched me being all up under Raynard and Raynard's hands rubbing and squeezing my body and me kissing Raynard back from him kissing me.  I then, as I always do, gave my husband a certain mean look, which is a signal to my husband to take his *** home while I and Raynard continue to enjoy the party. 

I always talk with my husband whenever I come home from being out with Raynard so I know how my husband feels and for my husband to know how I feel.  This particular night I notice my husband facial expression while Raynard was kissing me and resting his had between my upper thighs. I asked my husband if he was starting to have problems with my relationship with Raynard.  I love my husband because he is very submissive to me and I am very blessed to have a husband like James.  So I am always concerned with his feelings about me and Raynard.  He said he was concerned about my feelings and prayed that my relationship with Raynard is truly what I wanted in my heart.  I could not tell you what a sigh of relief I had.  I told my husband I was worried that he was starting to feel threatened and insecure with my relationship with Raynard.  I asked my husband how he was truly feeling and my husband said he was scared to say because it might be against what I truly felt in my heart.  So my husband told me that he realizes he could never be my man because he simply is not capable of meeting any of the needs I must have met by a man.  I asked my husband if he thought I would leave him because of this and my husband did not know.  I assured my husband that I would never leave him and that I love him dearly.  I told my husband that it is ok to be a submissive wimp and that is the way God made him and that is the only kind of husband I ever desire to have.  I let my husband know he could never, ever be too much of a "wimp" to me. 

So my husband asked me if I ever see him as a man and if I thought he could ever be any way of a man for me.  I held my husband's hand and assured him of my love for him again.  But I had to be honest with my husband and told him that I simply do not and have never, ever recognized him as a man.  I let him know that he could never, ever from A-Z be anyway capable of being a man for me.  I told him: 'James you are a wimpy sissy and you will always be a wimpy sissy to me".  My husband then asked me is it my heart's desire for our marriage that Raynard is my man while my husband is my wimpy sissy.  I told my husband that though he is a male, he not a man in this marriage.  I told my husband that I wand him to fully respect Raynard as my man and that I deeply desire Raynard to be my man in our marriage.  I let my husband know that my heart's desire for our marriage is for my husband to be my wimpy sissy husband and for Raynard to be my man!!  I was so full of joy when my husband James told me his heart's desire is the same as mine for our marriage. 

My husband told me he felt at peace that night at the bar when he saw me and Raynard together.  He let me know that I was very sexy and that is how I am supposed to be for Raynard.  I told my husband James that I too feel at peace having Raynard as my man and the way I dress for Raynard is how I am supposed to dress for Raynard.  My husband and I both love each other and agree that marriage to me comes with a package deal of me having a man like Raynard as my man.  James knows that he is my wimpy sissy husband and Raynard is my older thug man!!!!

Sandrajdd Sandrajdd 36-40, F 23 Responses Apr 27, 2010

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Your husband is a very lucky man

My wife is the same way with me. She is bossy with me and prefers to be in charge of the finances. If I do try to take the lead role, we only argue. So I don't challenge her authority anymore. My wife is also the breadwinner. She likes me to keep house. I do it because it's the role that works for us. She needs a clean house to come home to and she needs me to be attentive to her needs.

Sounds nice. Do you do this after you get home from work?

Most days. Some days I'm already home because I only work part-time.

a lucky man.if i were him, i would start wearing skirts.

This article aroused me, you sound like an amazing woman and your husband is very lucky.

thank you for that explicit story of your marriage. My only reservation would be that if I was your husband I would like you to treat me more like a servant in that you would make sure I did all the housework properly, wore a proper domestic uniform for that purpose and when I was dressed for housework made sure I curtsied to you when given and order. You did leave me wondering how the sexual side of your marriage worked. Clearly Raynard is giving you some sexual satisfaction but do you also use your husband for this purpose

Your story was interesting to me. I am a submissive husband. Your story aroused me to get a hard on, especially the part when the husband got to watch his wife at the bar with her boyfriend. But I didn't like it when she yelled at him and told him to sit his sissy *** down.

I believe a dominant wife should be motherly to her submissive husband and let him sit outside the bed room door and listen while she gets ****** real good, but never degrade him to the point where he might develop a complex about being the weaker one. Make him feel like a partner in a conspiracy.

Also, I think your story was a little too long, caused by repetitive statements. Other than the fore mentioned, I really enjoyed the read.

I agree her husband knows his place, and should be "told" do do things. I don't think it is necessary to talk to him like he is a piece of ****, after all he is actually the one who is responsible for all the fun she is experiencing. She can humiliate him all she want by just conveying to him in private how much fun she having, both when she goes out and when she is with him. Keep it balanced.

I agree. Wish I could talk to you privately . I think it would be great to talk to other subs. I am new here, so I don't know the technical aspects of this site.

I think you have a wonderful marriage.

My wife is also in charge at home too. She makes all of the financial decisions. If I want something, I ask her if I can have it and she will either say yes or no.

I know this isn't for everyone, but I wouldn't want it any other way.

My wife does not see other men at this time.

I agree that marriage works better when the woman is the boss, but she should still be loving to her husband.

Sounds a bit confusing, but if you are happy and your man is the sissy maid, then at least your on the right track, Just make sure you get some pleasure out of it all.

what the hell??? Your husband is out of his mind letting you be with another man. You have serious problems, and i hope your husband meets an actual woman. Leaves your sorry ***. You keep saying how much you love him, yet you treat him like ****, and treat someone who isnt your husband like a god. you have issues.

Bravo. Some sanity finally !

I'm sorry but you treat him like a dog and I hope the times comes when he gets his head out of his *** and tells you things should be. GET A CLUE AND BE SUBMISSIVE TO HIM, EPHESIANS 5 AND 1 PETER 3:1-6.

how it should be women in charge of husband i am lock in cb3000 pink panties today wife rules i obey or else

To right david ...just as it should be

you are so right women in charge

wow: that second-to-last paragraph gave me an insight about how i should "market" myself to the women on the dating site i use. thank you!

How did that work out for you on the dating site ?

I love a woman who is in control of her marriage,but out of control in her lover's bed.;)

I think this is a great story and relationship. The hubby SHOULD know Raynard and Raynard SHOULD know hubby. Hubby should show Raynard the respect that he deserves as the real man in the relationship and this will help hubby realize his place as well.

Yes, I advocate men being second to the wife, with duty to please her sexually.I don't believe the above relationship is healthy unless the husband truly is happy. He should be given the opportunity to wear dresses and know Raynard as well. The husband's sexual need should be met as well. If completely okay with all parties, then the wife should have two husbands. The woman should control all the finances; husbands should be given an allowance.

How very right he should meet the other Man and have to wear a chastity cage or belt and he should only have pleasure when his wife wants to edge him or whatever she wants to do to him. She should also introduce him to raynard she he can feel humble in his presence and he should pick out his wifes clothes and do her makeup for her dates with raynard god i wish i was the husband :-).

Eww. <br />
<br />
I am a submissive husband, but I am definitely the MAN in the house. I offer to please her sexually, I offer to take her out to bars like this, and we do go out. She might accept a dance from a guy here and there, but it's all in good fun, and nothing more than the dance happens. We might invite him over to our table, but only a brief conversation would be all that would happen. The only time that anything MIGHT happen is with a couple. <br />
<br />
A true man is meant to serve his lady. He is not a wimp, and it is not a wimpy position. It is the position of a true gentleman.

I agree. You are a true submissive, and I bet a good one!

Will or does your husband wear skirts and dresses? Sissy husbands should.

This is a WONDERFUL story. I can only hope that it is 100% true. You all sound so happy with this loving arrangement. Good for you!

So for sexual intercourse Raynards the man - Your sissie hubbie is cuckolded (like most of us) and allowed what - eating *****? jacking off? He has earned the cuckies release hasn't he?

Very interesting and I can see how it could work.

Almost the same as me honey. Congratulations, you will keep a happy home.

I think this is either fiction or really sick.