Frustrated

I have been married almost 20 years to the most wonderful woman in the world. She is the most intelligent person I know, loving, intuitive, kind, and a natural leader. I am naturally more submissive in nature so it seems a natural match...and, it is. She makes all of the big decisions, controls finances, and makes more money than I most years. I do all the shopping, cooking and much of the cleaning. My favorite things in life are to give her foot rubs and massages which are never reciprocated. In bed, she prefers me on top (I prefer her on top), but I routinely perform oral sex on her and have never received oral sex in the 20+ years we have been together. Many times her foot rubs lead to oral sex and ****** for her, but nothing except the sense of well-being I receive from pleasing her for me.

About a year ago, I asked her to formalize her role (and mine) in the relationship. I thought this was a natural progression, but she was repulsed by the very idea of it. I felt rejected, like I was some sort of perv for having these feelings. We have moved on and this has never been spoken of again, but I still long for this to be more open between us rather than something that exists only in my head. I'm fearful of ever bringing it up again and I don't know what to do. I'm happy to find this site and hopefully other like minded people who might be able to offer thoughts about this.

whippednhappy whippednhappy
41-45, M
1 Response Mar 3, 2009

By formalize I mean acknowledge her position of power and set up expectations of obedience. She is the head of our relationship and pretty much always has been, but she insists it is a 50/50 relationship. There is also a sexual part to this that she also does not understand. I'm not expecting whips and chains, but acknowledging the power she has over me based on my desire for her is something I crave.<br />
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After feeling rejected last year, I fear bringing up this topic again. "Stealth" submission is not sufficient for me and I will not leave or cheat on her because I love her too much. So you see, I'm in quite a pickle. I can't acknowledge who I am at my core and who I am in this relationship for fear of repulsing and confusing her.