I Don't Want Another Man's Touch..but His
I don't really know whats wrong with me..Im in my last year of highschool. I've liked this guy for about a year. At first he'd always talk to me, he'd told me really wanted to be with me but at the time, I had a boyfriend and he also had a girlfriend..but I started to really have feelings for him and broke up with my bf after a week he broke up with his gf but then Im not really sure what happened and we sort of stopped talking to each other for about 3 months..
I didn't know what to do I was so mad at him, I didnt want anything from him and then he got himself another gf...but i didn't care about him anymore, even if I did notice that everytime he was with her he'd look at me..just stare at me..those times i didnt know what to do, it was really painful for me and i didn't know wat he wanted from me...
So then since i didnt speak to him he started speaking to me never mentioning what had happened between us..at the time i was happy because i thought, well at least we can be friends.. but then this last summer vacations he talked to me through the messenger.. and there he asked me.. What happened between us? Why weren't we together? again i didnt know what to do, he brought those feelings back.. the feelings i had hidden.. i asked him, What was what he really wanted? and he just said he didn't really know because he had a girlfriend and even though he wanted me.. he worried whether it was going to work out or not.. he said he didnt know what to do and i told him that i didn't want to wait for him like i had done in the past i told him i really liked him, but i didn't want to be with him if he was still wit her..but then
Then he asked me to go watch him practice one day (he's a singer in a small town rockband) and i went and there we flirted so much..we couldn't keep from touching each other..his lips..my lips his neck..my cheek..my chin. So when i was about to go home.. we kissed.. it was so wonderful.. i had never had such a kiss and everything everything seemed right, nothing mattered..nothing. We didnt speak though..and i went home.. That monday at school i saw him on the way out..he saw me and we hugged..he asked me how i felt and i told him happy really really happy so he hugged me again for a long long time.. and we said bye and left..
But then i saw him later in the week and talked to him.. and he was so cold to me.. he answered me in short answers and he said he had to go work.. i asked him about his band practice and he said he wasnt going to be able to go next time because of work.. i was a bit crushed but i understood.. but then
Then one day during lunch my friends and i sat in a table next to where his girlfriend was.. and he saw me smied sweetly and went over to his girlfriend and hugged her and kissed her, but while he was doing this he kept on looking at me..again i got really confused and my friend told me not to look..and i tried..and well days passed and the day when they were going to practice i went out with my friends to not have to listen to them (they practice about five houses next to where i live) and well when was getting back i saw Him..eventhough he had said he wasnt going to practice.
So i ignored him and went home but after a while i went outside and hid inside a van because i saw him coming.. he saw me hiding so i got out and his friend kissed me on the cheek goodbye (because they were leaving) and so did he..we didnt say anything and he just left.. and then i txt msg him asking him if he regretted the kiss, if he thought i was crushed because he was still wit his gf.. i told him i was confused and asked him if he didnt want this to happen again.. he didnt reply.. and to forget him i decided to invite another guy over to stop thinking about Him..but everytime he kissed me i didnt feel anything..his touch was cold to my body.. i didnt want him touching me.. i only thought of Him.. so i told him i wasn't feeling well and told him to go home..
Whats wrong with me?? Now i cant stop thinkin of Him..His kiss keeps replaying in my head.. I dont know wat to do anymore.. i cant even be with another guy because i can't stand it( this last bit happened this past friday 9/4/09.. please i need advice!!