One More Sad Song..

So I fell in love and I fell hard.. It was going great and I was happy.. Until he confessed his marriage to me..

It's not like I meant to and I should've read the signs that kept appearing.. I got attention, but only at certain times.. I would be ignored sometimes when I called but I thought he just had a crazy work schedule.. I could never go to his house it was always mine.. It was mind boggling in that second he told me my life changed.. I was a mistress.. Instead of breaking up with the guy I kept up our relationship.. I was in love, so I told myself.. He always said he loved me and wished he could leave his family but he had his responsibilties to them.. At first it was easy to put "her" to the back of my mind.. But than it started getting bad.. We had constant discussions about why he was with me if he still loved her.. "You and her have different qualities and she's the mother of my kids." I always told him that if it ever came down to it I would always want him to choose what's best for his kids.. I wasn't going to be selfish like some women can be.. I just kept telling myself *It's for the kids, he's only with her for the kids..* Than she called one day while he was with me and he answered the phone.. ((First time, so awkward, right?)) .. She sounded so incredibly in love with him, she just wanted to talk to him to see how his day was and to remind him of things they needed at home, how she loved him.. Jealousy hit me instantly, cause while I listened I knew it wasn't one sided love.. He was happy too.. So why was he there? With me? What was I doing? Again, I brushed off my instincts, * He loves me too..* It got harder and harder to come to the reality.. While I was at home hugging my pillow, he was hugging her..

I fell again, just not into love, into a depression.. I was so lonely and wanted him.. Wanted him for myself.. Wanted to come before his wife, before his kids.. I just wanted them to be gone.. Those thoughts right there.. Scared the hell out of me.. What had I become?

I think the last straw for me or should have been.. Was when we were laying in bed with each other cuddling and falling asleep I reached my hand over to intertwine my fingers with his, like I had done in our past and saw his ring.. He had kept it on.. My world went crashing.. I started crying myself to sleep every night my words of encouragment that he loved me turned into words of he's just using me.. But I loved him still.

The best thing to happen to me was when he stopped talking to me.. Disconnected me all together.. No goodbye.. No, "You've turned into a psycho..".. Just nothing.. Cut off completely.. The first month, was.. I'm not even sure what to call it.. It just was.. I was so worried about him.. What happened is he okay? .. I tried calling, emailing, texting.. He disconnected me.. I realized what he did after I got over my madness.. He made his choice.. The choice I told him if need be, to make.. It hurt, it still hurts.. I feel stupid.. But I still loved him, he was a good guy, for the most part.. I still believe he loved me too, as naive as that may sound..  He loved me, just too late.


hostilegirlie hostilegirlie
18-21, F
29 Responses Apr 26, 2010

I want to share my experience but not tonight. I hope I can find this thread again. And I hope I can explore this very painful matter

I was in a similar relationship. He up and left after 7 months of living with me and going back and forth from me to her . I became so depressed that I haven't let go or let anyone else have my heart . He text from time to time and I melt! He had came to visit 3 times but no sex. It's weird bc that was a huge part of the relationship. To top it off ..... He and his family moved right down the street from me !! It's so hard to pass them daily or much less just knowing he's that close. He says he still loves me and I'd be the one if he didn't have kids and a wife. Since the breakup I have come to know Jesus Christ . I pray against the temptation that is stronger than me . I believe that is what makes it easier to face. We planned to have dinner and hangout not to long ago . I didn't feel right in my heart about it. I asked God to make a way for that to not happen bc I couldn't tell him no. Well, guess what.... He didn't show up lol. I was not really disappointed bc I believe it was an answered prayer. I wish you the best and pray that God sends you a man of his kingdom in his perfect timing!

I have almost similar story like yours,Lucky you he left you unlike mine keep on existing in my life. thou it's hard the feeling is hard and makes life ugly but better to be off of him. He has no problem he entertained himself and runout easily

Though it's a very old post. But I am the one who did the same to a girl. Almost the same. This is a vicious circle. You don't want to accept the reality. And when the reality Is visible, it's either painful or glorified.

She is my wife now :)

free ur self from madafucking ****.. u will have a brighter future with a man that u can call ur own.. :( ive been there.. its really hard.. just be brave.. just pray.. God will never leave you.

did he ever try reconnecting?

I fall in love with my boss who is married with 1 child. Our lovey dovey affair started obviously in the office since we often stay late at the office and we sometimes will carpool since we live in the same neighbourhood.
We are not really sure when we develop this feeling. But it keep on growing. I become a person who I'm not. I want him so bad, i wish his family will vanish. Until one day, I realised that I can't be this kind of person. I decided i need to get the hell out from the office, and stop any contact with him. So far it went well, though I miss him like crazy. I just keep myself buzy and keep my mind away from thinking about him. I really hope it will get better and I can finally forget this.

Ur so lucky.....I wish he would disconnect because I tried n it doesn't work....u are so lucky to be done.....

I have strong feelings for a married man. We have known each other since 8th grade. In December 2008, his friends dared him to go to my house because everyone was scared of my father. And ironically, during this same period I described to myself the ideal male and I just didn't believe in love at first sight. Well, well now. The doorbell rang and at the door was this classmate who I haven't seen in so long. The attraction was instant as if the universe delivered my ideal man to my door. We ran into each other again at a fellow classmate's housewarming. We talked for a long time, but couldn't figure our if he was married. We went out every night until I returned home which is out of state. Then one night the ring was on. Pump the breaks!! Well we kissed and talked on the phone. In December 2011 he visited a friend and we met up again. The attraction was still there after 3 years. I absolutely enjoyed his company and adore this man. I know he is not available to me so I don't call him as much. He has no idea of how I truly feel and he asks why I don't talk to him. He isn't available to me physically and emotionally. He mentioned moving to where I am, but I refuse to take his word. My heart loves him, but I can't stand to be hurt after divorcing in 2007. I decided to walk away. i know it isn't easy, but it was necessary for my mental health.

Judging from this story, you're pretty confused as it is. You're attracted to him, he seems to be attracted to you, why don't you just try him as a lover, to know how it is? You may be disappointed and there's only one way to know...and opportunities missed do not easily come back, you prefer to live with regret?

Attentioin Ladies!!!! MARRIED MEN LIE!!!!!! They lie about everything. No matter what you believe in your hart, you are being lied to. They are liars by nature, that is why they are cheating. It is the physical manifestation of their lies. If you meet and date a married man, and do not sleep with him, you will be amazed at how quickly he will go away and find a stupid woman who will.

Being married doesn't meet you will not fall in love with someone else. Polyamory is the best, but if you can't the only problem in breaking up any relationship, married or not, is whether or not you have children, and how much you still love your old partner. Yoiu shouldn't destroy your life just because you're married.

Hearing your story frustrates me, because I once, no wait twice, geez, probably more times than I can count,yeah, i totally fell onto that same ship you sailed on. How lame. really, for me, I'd appreciate knowing what the heck I'm getting into from the beginning, not stumbling into it later,because that loser finally had enough of dealing with his bad decisions alone. for all of you horrible men and women out there who go outside your marriage, give us the courtesy of just breaking up. dont traumatize us with your drama. I mean really people, either be bold, or walk away the cowards you are.

The sexual revolution has made it possible for women to slide in and out of relationships with men whether they're married or not - after all, sexual desire doesn't work with tags, does it? The problem becomes one when people want more exclusive relationships without understanding that, if the other partner is already into one, this exclusiveness will not, and cannot, happen. One solution is polyamory, but it is not for everyone. Another unfortunate solution, in our monogamny-trained societies, is to break up one or the other of the relationships. We've all been through that at one point or another. The bottom line is: if you draw something positive for yourself from the relationship - whether sexual, affective, or just psychologically pleasing - adjust to it. The man or the woman who makes love to you and kisses you also makes love and kisses someone else, and it is quite likely that this is important for their personal balance. If you want more, however, well...break up as you did, or survive a break up, and choose someone else. You're the important person here. Your pleasure, your balance, comes first. Men or women, we haven't bee taught enough to be reasonably selfish.

Reading your story seems like reading my anecdote of my own life. Everything is exactly as how it was and how it is happening to me except for the last paragraph. Well, maybe that's how it will also end for me... :(

I am loosing my mind I told my married best friend that I loved hin today(crying)and he stiill was like I feel like I made my girlfriend cry.Its like he dont like his wife and we are perfect.What do I do ?He has been w/her for 10 years and they have a 3 year old.I am lost in love what do I do...he is my best friend!

My story is so similar, We were high school friends that had an attraction, but never really got into anything. We went our sepearte ways, to college and other thing. He married had 4 children. I married and had one child. My husband passed away. Two weeks ago he found me on Facebook I didn't respond at first because he was a love I always wanted to be with, finally I responded out of curiosity. We started to talk every day he would call me from work. He said we needed to talk. After all these years our feelings are there and they could grow. He's still married and I want him. I think he wants to explore also. These types of relationships never work call it quits of should I? That's the question you should ask yourself. If in good conscious you feel terrible, stop and move on.

So sorry that you had to suffer that pain. So afraid I may one day face the same thing. So in love with my married man that it is worth the chance. I went into my situation with eyes wide open. Knew he was married, knew he was no longer i love with her, but knew he was also still attached to the marriage situation and his family. Still madly, deeply and passionately in love with him. I hope he will one day be all mine. I think he will. I hope he will. I know I will be devastated if I ever lose him. Not sure how I will get through it, but I will if i have to. We were friends first, then best friends, then partners. I have become the woman I have always hated. We both tried not to allow this to happen, but it did. Ours is a little bit unusual as it is not a secret affair by any means. We go out i public together right here in the town where we live. We hold hands and hug in public and his wife has complete knowledge of the time we spend together. She does not know the extent of our relationship. Would I do it again? If the clocks could be turned back and I could relive the last 10 months...... I would change nothing. I am in love with him, he is in love with me. I believe and pray that we will be able to be together full time. I cherish every moment I have with him until that time. And if I am wrong and it ends in disaster for me..... I wouldn't have missed it for the world. I hope you have some very good memories and can feel the same way about your situation in some ways! <3

i uderstand i fell hard also for someone and he siad he cared for i to ld him i loved him and for 4 years, been there twice guess maybe it wasnt really what he wanted with me, and it hurts really bad

this sounds just like mine, except i knew he was married, and we still are seeing each other. I keep thinking if he would just walk away I could go on with my life.

I hear these stories way too much and it angers and saddens me more each time I hear about them. I'm sorry that you were deceived and hurt. But it was for the best. You deserve so much better than some liar and cheat. Luckily he did you a favor. But I know it still hurts. Jerk. I feel more sorry for his poor wife. It's a shame that his wife and kids still need to put up with his lying selfish ways. It's like, why do people bother to get married? Sad. Anyway, hang in there. Time heals all wounds. There are better men out there who will treat you the way you deserve.

This has to be an aquarius thing. Because last 4 relationships I have attracted a married woman , a woman already in a relationship, and 2 with kids that I didn't know about til being suprised by it when I come over. Seems reading some of your blogs u have that same issue I looked at ur sign and noticed oh wait it's another aqua. The lying part in your other blog I know that well used to live with 2 aqua women and they both were the same the reason they did it cause they did not like to confront people. What I'm reading is that ur the same u big chickens all u aqua women ;) Learn from the male side of your sign ;)

You had become what is termed a "fallback girl" in a website that I absolutely love called Baggage Reclaim which I read faithfully all the time. The warning signs were there for you in the very beginning my dear but you chose to ignore what is called the "red flags" as so many of us women do. This man is one of the "unavailable" men. He was unavailable to you and his wife and any other woman who may cross his path. I'm certain that you weren't the first mistress in his life and won't be the last. My ex-husband was like that and conveniently "lost" his ring two months after we were married. These men are never satiisfied with just one woman. When you were dating him and he wasn't available on the weekends and you never went to his place, that is a what I call a red flag. My ex had trapped women into his net but when we got divorced I made sure that I would never be a married man's mistress since dating is hard enough with single men. The signs are always there and I had a girlfriend who dated a married man for years. She refused to see the signs and yet I saw them in the very beginning and kept telling her so but she wouldn't listen. No vacations together, he wasn't available on holidays, weekends nor could she go to his home. Of course when she asked him if he was married he lied. Finially after two or three years he couldn't continue lying and admitted he was married and then they broke up. We only waste our time and energy so getting hurt with married men so why do we punish ourselves. The opposite is rarer. Men generally don't waste their years or even months with married women. So then, what is wrong with us. We need to start setting boundaries and opening up our eyes. We allow these married men into our lives knowing full well something is wrong. Another thing we need to realise is that they rarely leave their wives for their mistresses. Don't ever fall into that trap again. This is my advice to all my sisters out there. Besides I got so hurt by the women who were having affairs with my ex as well. The betrayal cuts two ways.

Life is like an Ocean, the water goes on forever. Each of us has the capability to love each and everyone just like a molecule of water can bond to another and form something more than it is. When that molecule does bond it passes on some of the traits it has to the other...good or bad right or wrong. Sometimes those bonds are strong enough to last a lifetime sometimes only a night. <br />
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Yes he should have told you up front but lets get real a man that wears a ring always has some mark from it. I'm sorry the attraction he had for you wasn't the same as the one you had for him. <br />
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I have been floating around along time lol and understand the joy and sorrow love brings. Take the good from that relationship and move on. Just think....when that person that loves you as much as your love them finally bumps into you the joy your life will be. Attraction is different than love. <br />
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The ocean is large and dangerous and so is love. Just Swim

Life is like an Ocean, the water goes on forever. Each of us has the capability to love each and everyone just like a molecule of water can bond to another and form something more than it is. When that molecule does bond it passes on some of the traits it has to the other...good or bad right or wrong. Sometimes those bonds are strong enough to last a lifetime sometimes only a night. <br />
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Yes he should have told you up front but lets get real a man that wears a ring always has some mark from it. I'm sorry the attraction he had for you wasn't the same as the one you had for him. <br />
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I have been floating around along time lol and understand the joy and sorrow love brings. Take the good from that relationship and move on. Just think....when that person that loves you as much as your love them finally bumps into you the joy your life will be. Attraction is different than love. <br />
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The ocean is large and dangerous and so is love. Just Swim

Aw... All of you guys are awesome.. I haven't really checked back on this experience.. It just felt really good to write it.. I totally agree with the whole time thing.. This actually happened in February this year and it had been on my mind so I wrote.. But since February.. I've grown yeah, it's tough.. Love is definitely not the easiest part of life.. Easy to fall into love.. But climbing back out is difficult.. <br />
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But worth it.. :) <br />
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Thanks for everyone's support and advice.. I hope others with similar experiences can learn something even a little something..

i went through something similar, except that the pig told me he had a fiance when i was abroad, so he told me over IM. i felt so used and i still cannot understand why the hell he is marrying her when we had such an intense relationship...<br />
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you know what, karma is a *****. <br />
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super lame, cliche, whatever..but listen to "never again" by kelly clarkson

to you hostile girlie; . . I know your pain and I'm sorry. and some of these post here do have some decent advice, for instance the one about time is the best healer. I'd like to describe this, maybe it'll help you to believe again; . . that there really is someone, for everyone, somewhere. At 50+ and 3 marriages, I now have one that loves me so much that it is really often "scary" not in a bad way but that as a man I know the temptation is indeed there, and also that somehow I wonder how it is that I deserve such love; . . but it is in my faith that I love her just as much. I made the decision somewhere in amongst (2) FAILED MARRIAGES that it would never be I to cheat! That mine would NEVER be cheap or fragile. Because real LOVE is not a generated feeling. You can't buy it from Walmart. Or when finally you do get it, you cannot turn it off like a light bulb! This is the time that you should love yourself, tend to those things that do give joy, happiness and put pleasure back into your daily existence.. Let that pain now heal. let it rebuild itself inside as we can see that you are a "loving person" Your distinct qualities are just what someone, someplace ahead of you is also looking for. Tomorrow? Next week? No man or woman can guess! Just have faith that this is a spiritual Law. Also, . . love does indeed hurt, but broken love hurts even worse and takes longer to mend!

The key statement you made to me is that you "fell hard". To me, that means at least for you it was real and just because the other person either gave up, didn't try or simply did not feel what you felt only means...they did not feel what you felt. In the greater scheme of things your falling hard makes you walk or crawl away a better person because you have given your heart to someone and you now know the pain of Love. We all can hope for that pain, for to experience it is a way to know for sure that you are truly alive. Sadly, predictably it will likely happen again but honestly...looking back in my life, I wouldn't change a minute of the hurt, the pain, the tears...not one. It was well worth it. I am stronger. I love deeper and I am a more caring, sensitive, feeling, loving person because of it. Ahhh, Amore'!

Hannah777 bring up a good point. "Not absolutely necessary for your happiness." No one and I mean no one is responsible for your happiness other than your self. This goes for everyone. If you depend on someone else to make you happy you best prepare for a lot of disappointment. This is not to say that being with someone can not bring you some joy, just don't depend on it. <br />
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Most people can not make their self happy how in the hell are they supposed to do it for you. Any happiness is derived from SHARED time and things as long as the two of you have an interest in the same direction. Time and age will change this for everyone. And not everyone has the same desire to go in a direction you choose for your self. The same hold true for the other.<br />
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This is how and why people drift apart. Has nothing to do with love. It is our nature to follow our bliss/joy/pleasure. Some may wish to travel the world and you don't. It could be anything. Life is subject to change, by anyone without notice.

It is a sad statement of fact that he was in fact using you. I am so glad that he finally did the right thing and broke it off with you. As hard as it was for you to accept that. I know that love has the capacity to beguile us into rationalizing away things like marriage vows to another woman. I am no one to judge. But I do know that what you really, truly desire is someone who will be there for you emotionally as well as physically. Wouldn't it be nice to have someone you can call at 1 am in the morning if you need to talk, without worrying about disturbing his family or that his wife will find out?<br />
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I really do not know what it is about some men that even when married to a loving woman, who loves him and takes care of his family, they still need to go out seeking "thrills"and have the compunction to stray. I don't know if living that lie serves to help them become more "loving" spouses. I can only speak for your side which is that, you deserve better than a man who lies to his own wife. If you were the one married to him, you may expect the same deceit from him also.<br />
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So girl, you are very young still. Choose wisely the next time round. And don't let anyone break your heart. Most importantly, let him earn your love and your trust before you fall in love with him. I know this is very hard sometimes because women have soft hearts, but you need to wean yourself off becoming dependent on a man to be happy. You should regard men like a nice piece of sofa. Nice to have. But not absolutely necessary for your happiness.

Hi. There was a time when I thought this was happening to me too so I know how hard this can be emotionally. But in the end, you deserve better. Much much better!

I guess he made a choice how hard it seems.<br />
I feel you have been dealt a good hand too in not being forced to make the choice.<br />
It might have been that you would have had to make the same choice and it would have been harder for you.<br />
Hope it works out good for both of you. Remember time is the biggest healer.<br />
Cheers !!!