He's All That I Want, But He's Married.

Just about six months ago, I became friends with this man on FB. There was no hesitations on my part accepting his friend request at first, knowing that he's an acquaintance of my cousin. I thought it would go like an ordinary friend request on FB (from someone you personally do not know), which goes from a request, then to a few chats, and then eventually that person becomes just a "dormant" FB friend. In my case, it didn't.

From the time of the request, I already know he was married because he had his family picture as a profile picture. We are 8,000miles apart from each other, on different time zones so I thought the friendship will be fairly superficial. I'm 21, he's 30.

After accepting his request, he immediately tried chatting with me. I didn't mind since I wasn't busy that time. On that first conversation we had, he kept on telling me how he thinks I'm beautiful - repeating it to me countless times. It was very flattering. We chatted for about an hour, talking about ourselves. Towards the end of the conversation, I realized how much fun I had talking to him; and I had this feeling that I'd want to chat with him again.

The following days, we talked more frequently. We chat usually when it's late in the night where I live, while he was at the office on the other side of the world. Consequently, he had plenty of time on his hands and it was safe since he's not using their home laptop. Days passed, and we got to know each other. We also did video calling, making us feel closer to each other. I felt like I can tell him everything. I was comfortable with him, even to the point that I'd talk about naughty stuff with him. I'm still a virgin, and no one knows about the naughty side of me since I present myself as "prim and proper" to the public. I felt the freedom to release the inner me with him. He made me feel good about it. Consequently, he was being open to me as well- which I came to know that I am becoming his "comfort zone" - someone whom he freely shares what he really feels inside. We didn't conceal our true selves from each other. We were giving each other a blind benefit - a private and exclusive unveiling of each other. I absolutely have no regrets doing this.

Over time, he started confessing that he feels something about me. He told me that he loves me. I couldn't deny, I feel the same way. He was more than a friend to me. He was my refuge during a rough day, my outlet, my listener, my living journal. I love him, but I cannot deny the fact that I'm bothered about his wife and his kids. I worry that I might completely take him away from them. I'm worried about wrecking a family. My conscience was telling me to drop everything from that point, but my heart was clinging to his significance in my life. There was not a single day that I didn't think about him - and his family. However, no matter how much I try to I control myself, I cannot. I admitted to him that I love him as well. And so it started, I became his mistress from across the miles.

Being open to each other, the relationship deepened to something sexual, though virtual. He confessed how the mere fact of seeing me (my face) onscreen and hearing my voice gets him aroused. I get the same effect whenever I think of him. Our conversation became more adult, I tell him the naughty stuff I do and how I touch myself. He tells me what to try, and he gives me scenarios I'd think about while I play with myself - for example he'd give details on how he'd make love with me. He became my s*x object. I became his doll. I have sent him my picture where I'm lying in bed in a lacey see-through top (nothing underneath) and a sexy panty. I made him hear my moaning while I touch myself, and he made me hear his too. However, we don't go beyond that - we don't show each other's private parts on cam like having distant/cyber s*x. If only we were living in the same area, I'd probably have lost my virginity to him.

Until now, I still love him, but I am still worried about us getting caught by the wife. I'm worried about what might come after that if ever it does happen. I really do not want to destroy a family, but I can't hold back my feelings as well. I'm in a dilemma. But I'm certain I love him. I also got to know how much he cares for his two little girls, and it only made me want him more. He is the kind of father that I want my future babies to have. He's the husband I am dreaming of, but he's already married.
crimsoninnocence crimsoninnocence
31-35, F
6 Responses Mar 4, 2011

I gave him up. I too fell in love with a married man. He is to me, the father I want my future babies to have. I gave him up because i realized that I want him to continue being the man I love. The man who will do anything for his family. The man who will fight for his wife. Sad thing is, I am not his wife. If i were his wife, i wouldn't want him to give everything up for a simple affair. I will be alright. I have lasted 28 years being single (for most part), i could go on longer. However, his daughter is still young. He was lucky enough to find the woman to marry, he decided once, he should stick by it. That is the guy I fell in love with. Not the guy who will have an affair.

I am in the same boat right now but I have known him for 21 years I grew up with him but never told him how I felt until Halloween of this year after he has been married for 2 years I'm not sure how to continue I feel as thou I let the one I truly love get away and be with an awful woman who treats him like he is not even human it's very hard to see the one you love go through such a hard time like this thankfully there are no kids involved but I know he would be an amazing father as I seen him around my younger siblings growing up

I am in exactly the same situation as you.
I am in love with a married man who has 4 children.
He says he loves me and wants to make our love legal through marriage but I'm scared of being rejected by his 1st wife.
What was the outcome of your story?
What did you do?

Sometimes you just have to trust your heart. Everyone will say that he has to live with his decisions but I don't believe that. Because out of this situation can come a beautiful love story. Don't fear anyone's opinions because people will never understand. Just find the life you want and live it with the person you love. I did and it was the best choice I have ever made.

I know what your going through...most people would tell you to leave this man alone but what if he is miserable and married to the wrong person...what if he was meant to be with you and only staying for the kids...what if?? I pray! And hopefully the answer will come along...been there dealing with it too

I'm right here with you guys. It feels so right to be around him..... Like it was meant to be. When he is gone, I feel worthless, but together, I feel safe....and. Beautiful, and everything I always hoped I would be. But I can't have him completely and it doesn't help knowing the way she treats him when he goes home..... If he were happy, it would be different, but were both miserable and I don't want to lose him.

Married relationships take a lot of hard work, it's not easy. Dating is easy.<br />
You deserve Love but with some other man you haven't found yet. <br />
When sex is involved it clouds everyone's mind making it harder to do the right thing. <br />
Good Luck ! Hope things work out the right way for all.

This is not love girl, this is pain and you gonna feel my words later.<br />
Soul got no senses so cant see truth, but body got senses so you can experience stuff. Senses are wicked and you are slave now.<br />
And it takes courage to have soul.<br />
Everyone I meet carry body. So nothing new. Have a good time.<br />