It's Nothing To Brag About.Many years ago, in the early 1990's when I was newly divorced and had two tiny babies (now 19 and almost 18), I became very, very involved with a married man. He used to come see me at work on the regular and ended up moving me in to an apartment five minutes away from his office.
This relationship was the icing on the cake of a lengthy string of extremely BAD choices I was making at the time.
We saw each other for 18 months solid. What an emotional roller-coaster. I was on top of the world when I was with him, or if I knew he was on his way or I'd be seeing him soon and in the pits of despair when he left or 'couldn't' get away to be with me. What a complete fool I was.
Eventually he started sharing little facts about his wife with me, like cute things she'd do, anecdotes that made me realize that this poor lady was the real victim in the whole situation. Finally near the end of the 18 months, I gave him three more days to confess to her what he and I both knew she knew anyway, and he couldn't do it. So at the end of the three days, I invited her to the aparment so close to his office and allowed her to bring her attorney as well.
I didn't offer any information given the extremely delicate nature of the situation and my desire to not inflict any further damage than I already had. I just answered her questions.
I still have an extremely hard time trying to have any kind of relationship with a man to this day. I have been single since the spring of 2008 and don't have the desire to even bother trying anymore. Been there, done that.
To anyone else who is "the other": GET OUT of it as SOON as you can!!! You may be able to salvage the ability to have a NORMAL relationship one day.
To anyone who is considering BEING "the other": DON'T DO IT.
To anyone considering having an "other": You got married WHY again? Your vows consisted of what, and mean what to you?
Even though that chapter of my life was nearly twenty years ago, I continue to suffer horrible consequences to my foolish actions. Be ye therefore warned.
By the way, everyone involved (both directly and indirectly) end up being victimized in this situation; first and foremost, the married person's spouse, the only completely innocent victim (unless there are children). The disastrously twisted, disfiguring affects on "the other (woman or man)" I would not wish on the foulest of enemies, and I would imagine the married person involved in the affair doesn't get away emotionally scot-free, either.