I've Loved Him All My Life

Okay, never thought I'd be turning to a chat forum for anything but here I am. This story started 25 years ago when I was 15. My best friend was in boot camp. I was on the phone with him when a friend of his walked by. We talked and discovered that he grew up in the same town as my family, just a few houses up the road from my cousin. Anyway, he came home with my friend and we went out. He was a lot older than me, and only kissed me one time. Initially, we wrote letters back and forth but those stopped fairly quickly.I continued to write to him for probably 15 years off and on, but never mailed them. I have never been able to get him out of my mind. Recently, I found him on Facebook. He immediately accepted my friend request and called me. He remembered everything about that night, even a song on the radio that we sang. In talking, we discovered that this mutual friend had lied to both of us, making each of us believe the other had no interest and that's why we stopped communicating. That was a pretty tough blow for both of us. So anyway, when we first got back into contact, we were very careful not to overdo it. No phone calls, texts, etc. while his wife was around (I'm married as well, but separated). We live roughly 10 hours apart, and have not seen each other yet. The talking, texting, emailing, iming, etc. is becoming excessive to the point I'm afraid she will find out. In the beginning, we made a promise that if it started getting out of hand, one of us would "be the adult" and not let it happen. Now our talks consist mostly of "I want to see you", "I miss you", etc etc. If this were about sex, it would be easy. I feel like I was robbed of the one person in this world who was made for me and he seems to feel the same way. I know that it's already gone too far and just because we haven't had sex, it doesn't make this okay. Neither of us are the kind of people who thought we'd ever find ourselves here, cheating on our spouses, wanting something so badly, and caring less and less about how wrong it is. At 40 years old, 2 marriages and 5 children, I can say without hesitation I have never loved anyone else. Thought I did a few times, but I was always looking out for "me". I can't stand the thought of him not being in my life for another 25 years, but worse than that, I can't stand the thought of destroying his life and causing him pain. I want to feel like she's the one who should walk away, like she's the intruder not me. But that's just stupid. How do I turn my back and walk away from the deepest, most powerful connection I have ever felt? I never thought this kind of love existed. I regretted letting him go for 25 years. How do I do it again?
lovedhimallmylife lovedhimallmylife
36-40
5 Responses Oct 10, 2011

I have loved a man for 42 years. We met when I was 17 and he was 24. Although we ended up marrying other people there has akways been a strong connection and chemistry between us. He was widowed a year ago and I have been separated for 6 months. He is grieving his wife and all I want to do is be there for jom but he is keeping his distance. I really want to tell him how I feel. I think he knows anyway and I know he has feelings for me but he is very close to his family and is worried about upsetting them. Should I tell him how much I love him? Life is short and I'm so scared I'll run out of time.

When I saw the title "I've loved him my whole life" I thought to myself OMG that is my life. I have had a similar experience. I met the love of my life when I was 21 at work. I was married at the time he was single. We were best of friends. He got married. He wasn't happy I wasn't happy he pursued me to have an affair. We did...He fell in love with me he couldn't handle it...got mean to me so he wouldn't have to deal with it. He had a child. I had my second we both got divorced. We spent time together again..then another woman started hounding him she was married at the time. she moved to the same state got herself pregnant and they ended up getting married. I again was ousted I met someone else ended up getting married too. We had never lost contact with each other and now here we are 25 years later having an affair again while we are both on our 2nd marriages. We both feel very strongly for each other he only got married because she got pregnant I got married but it seemed to be the next phase of the relationship i was in. The connection we have and the love we have for each other is like nothing either one of us have experienced. We both agree about the intensity of this 25 year relationship. I have loved him my entire life..I'm now 45. He admitted to me finally that he has loved me even before we started having an affair. He is struggling with how he feels for me and is having a hard time accepting it.<br />
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So to answer your question on how do you walk away?? I would say to you that you both need to have a very open honest conversation about how you feel about each other and the situation you are in. What you are willing/able to do to get to the next place in your lives. We agreed that we wanted to remain in each others lives because of the love we have for each other and the most amazing connection we have....we are just going to take it one day at a time. I have always believed we will end up together it's just a matter of when. There is something to be said about the fact that we have been in each other's lives for the past 25 years. We both agree our connection is undeniable besides that the love we have for each other is very honest and rare people look for that kind of love their entire lives. <br />
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If you have that feeling and connection why would you want to give that up. Embrace it, appreciate it nurture it and you'll figure it out. Best of luck to you. Hopefully you two will be together at some point for the rest of your lives. Life is short and should be lived! GOOD LUCK!!

I guess its hard to give up on somebody when your feelings are so strong but maybe your in love with love or in love with a memory, a memory thats 25 years old ? <br />
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I went through a bad time when I was 16 and a girl I thought the world of dumped me. I pined forever it seemed and when I met her again properly for the first time in 2 years she was different and I found I didnt like her very much. People change and times change maybe there's some way you can move on and forget about him because distance seems to be a bit of a problem here as well. Whatever you decide I wish you the best of luck x

Thank you and I hope I find that you are right. I've actually thought about these exact things. It doesn't feel that way now, but I sure hope it does soon.

Thank you so much for your kind words. I wish it was someone else's story. lol. I'm just not a weak person and I don't dwell on things. I have never been happier in my life than when we can spend time talking. But at the same time, nothing has ever brought me to my knees. This has. It's so hard to comprehend how something that feels so perfect can be so wrong and impossible. I'm not naive'. I know how this will end. I know the more time I let go by the worse it will be. I just can't give it up right now. It feels like I'm getting a little taste of what my life was supposed to be.

What a sad story lady I hope everything works out OK for you both sounds like you deserve a bit of luck

man you are a phoney troll