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The Cat Is Out Of The Bag...busted!

IAfter 3 years, my husband found out about my MM. It was a very bad day, but to be honest, my first reaction was actually relief that the secret was out. My second reaction was panic, panic because I know there is no way I can walk away from my MM. After my husband confronted me, we exchanged words and he left to take a drive to think. I instantly called my MM. I couldn't believe how calm I was. He apologized for what I was going through, wanted to make sure I was ok, safe and reassured me he was there. He told me to call or text him anytime that night if I needed him. I continued feeling so calm, which began to frighten me. Was I fooling myself about how hard this was going to be when my husband and I sat down and really discussed what was going on? I can say that answer was yes and no. He came home from his drive and we started to talk a bit. It was definitely going to get worse.

He wanted to know who? Where? When? How? Why? We played this 20 question game before when the tables were turned and I had caught him. His lack of answers to me then, gave me the power to refuse to answer specifics now. I remember how bad it hurt. I remember wanting to know exactly what went on, but glad not to know the specifics. He left again to go for a walk. Talked to my MM some more. He gave me support. Explained to me that this wasn't happening to "me" it was happening to "us". The husband came home and instantly went to bed. It was then, that I sat downstairs alone and cried. I text my MM who tried to convince me to go upstairs and sleep, that I needed to rest and have strength for what lies ahead. My husband and I have had separate bedrooms for many years, but it was the hardest thing to walk by his room, see him sitting in bed with his TV on, knowing he wouldn't sleep that night and neither would I.

In the days that followed, I reiterated to my husband that we had not been intimate since 2008, we had no intentions of being intimate again. Me being intimate with my MM changed nothing in our marriage. He asked me if I was going to stop seeing my "friend". I never answered. I cannot walk away from my MM. My husband left me notes each morning before he went to work. I'd find them when I went downstairs. He basically told me he wishes he could take it all back, but knows how happy I am. He needed time to heal. He told me if my "friend" makes me happy, then be with him. That all he wants, is for me to be happy.

The letters stopped after the third day. After five days, there were no more discussions about the situation. Right now, it is life as it was, prior to discovery.

As far as my MM, we met at a hotel the day after discovery. When we saw each other, I cried. He held me. We didn't say anything. There were no words that could be said, that could help the feelings I was dealing with. I was thinking that this would push my MM to his wife, that this was a reality check for him to reconnect with her and get their lives back on track. I was thinking he would find someone else to fill my spot. I was thinking he would feel guilty if I wound up divorced. I was thinking of so many scenarios. All my thoughts were wrong.

We made love that afternoon. In my mind, it might have been the last time I could feel his touch, kiss his lips, touch him, taste him, feel him inside of me. The last time I would feel his body pressed up against mine, sleep with our bodies wrapped around each other. The last time I would hear him call me "doll", tell me I am beautiful, or that he loved me. We wouldn't ever dance again. I'd never hear him sing to me again. I was devastated.

I was so wrong. As we lay there, his body against mine, his arms wrapped tightly around me, he said the most amazing thing. "I can't go nowhere girlfriend". That statement is an inside joke that he knew would make me smile, but he meant every word of it. He said if I needed time to figure things out, he'd wait for me. If it took a week, a month, or a year, he would wait for me. He wasn't going anywhere.

I am married. I love my husband. I have a boyfriend, who is also married. I am in love with my MM. I am having amazing sex with my MM. My husband knows and our marriage survived this. Can we stay like this forever? I don't know. It is working for now and I take life one day at a time.
aod7909 aod7909 46-50, F 4 Responses May 16, 2012

Your Response


Oh gosh, you must be very brave to be still getting through this

i cannot agree or support this story, marriage is sacred covenant between a man and a women, which has been defiled by both your infidelity. Because your husbad had affairs in the past does not give you an excuse to do the same. Think about how you felt when you found out your husbad was having affiar and think about the man you are with and his wife you are hurting by doing the same thing. You may love him but starting a relationship like this will only lead to hurt and being able to trust anyone again. please be honest with your self and actually think about the people your are hurting this way take the moral descison

sometimes life is not just in black & white, sometimes, people just fall in love

Aod,<br />
Many people whom have never been married understand the dynamics of a sexless marriage. Sometimes a long term affair is what actually makes the marriage function....I so understand.....Know that this is your life decision to make and you are very lucky to have both men in your life. Take care!

Thank you Kelki!

I actually am not keeping my husband on a string. 4 yrs ago when I caught my husband having his 3rd affair, we agreed we are not good together but we would be worse apart. We didn't want to get divorced then, nor do we want to get divorced now. We are great friends and parents. We have a great life together, except we are not intimate. He is free to move on with his life if he chooses. I did not think my divorce would put my MM and his wife back on track. If my husband demanded I not see my MM anymore, it would give my MM a different focus where his marriage is concerned and maybe they would reconnect. They have lived in a sexless marriage for about 8 yrs and are also content with their lives as is. Thank you for your comment/concern.

My children are grown adults who moved out of our home many years ago. I, like many others, am married with no intimacy in my marriage. Both of us have strayed and are still together, which is what we both want. I'm sorry you have a hard time understanding that. You are quick with advice to many, your groups indicate you are/were the other woman, yet you havent told us your story. People who live in glass houses, shouldn't throw stones.