Somebody Please Help Me...

I am in love with my best friend who just happens to be married. I am single, never had much luck with men they've always treated me like absolute crap and never shown me respect. I know I sound like a total ***** but I'm genuinely a nice person and I'm so disappointed in myself for letting my feelings get to this. But anyway I need some advice.

Last year the MM confided that he loved me. It wasn't until then that I realised my true feelings for him. We are the best of friends, trust each other completely and tell each other everything. He has made various passing comments about his marriage such as he jumped on the marriage bandwagon too early and he wish he hadn't settled for his wife. Don't get me wrong he isn't constantly moaning and bitching about his life or making himself out to be a victim.

Anyway recently I've been feeling really lonely and depressed and my feelings for this MM are so strong. We have a very flirty and tactile relationship however we have not been intimate. I am aware that I am having an emotional affair but I am not having a physical one and would never do that although I know an emotional one is just as bad.

Recently he too has been stepping up the flirting and really hinting that I might have a future with him. His wife was away on business and he invited me round to watch a movie and cuddle me all night on the sofa, I stayed the night in the spare room and then we spent the day together. He's always texting and we spend so much time together which we both love. His actions etc make it very clear that he too has feelings for me.

However I just can't live with this emotional rollercoaster anymore. I feel that when I'm with him, I'm the happiest girl in the world and then the second we part depression, loss, hopelessness and worthlessness sets in and I'm very jealous of his life.

His wife is 10 years older than him and earns a hell of a lot. I'm not making that as an excuse.

I asked if we had a future and he said he loves his wife and kids. I asked why he was behaving the way he was if he had no intention of being with me and he got very upset and defensive and said that he did not know. He is desperate to fix our friendship and he is coming round tomorrow to talk it through.

I really need some advice. I love this man with all my heart and he is truly my best friend. I honestly feel like I was put on this earth to find him and I would be lost without him but being his bit on the side (i told him this and he said it was never his intention to make me feel like this) is so painful and I long to be a permanent part of his life. i'm not demanding he leaves his family right here right now but a glimmer of hope of a future would help me control my pain. I really don't know what to do I'm at a complete loss. :-(

Is he truthfully happy in his current situation? Have I got a chance? What should I do, I love him with all my heart? What should I ask him?

I know there are so many of these threads and the simple answer is don't go near them with a barge pole but it was never my intention to fall in love with him and I feel trapped by my own feelings and in complete despair. Please any advice would be greatly appreciated.
lostandlonely135 lostandlonely135
1 Response May 20, 2012

RUN! Look I know you feel that you love him but he has said that he loves his wife. I am currently in a R that has lasted 5 years and he has always said that he loves his wife. We are in limbo right now because he said that he feels guilty for the time that he puts in to our R. If he loves BW than run! He is just feeling you out to see if there is something there. If you do get involved he will turn it on you somehow and say that if was your fault. You know that he is emotionally unbelievable so why pursue it? Yeah, I know, easier said than done. If you love him than the easiest thing for you to do is to cut all contact. Yeah it will hurt but it will hurt less than him cutting the contact a couple years down the road... Hugs to you! You have a hard road ahead of you...

He says he loves us both and he hasnt felt this way about anybody since he met his wife and he doesn't know whats happening to him. He has said that he can't say whether we will ever be together because he can't tell the future. I'm just so lost because I don't have anybody else in my life right now and I haven't ever felt this way about anybody before. We really are the best of friends and were even before all this came out. I just don't know what to do, I wish with all my heart that the circumstances were different. I feel like my life is wasted wishing I was with him.