I Know What I Did...i Don't Know Why.

Hi I am a 27 year old from MN. About a year ago my life changed when through the door came someone I would fall for. He was 31 or so, had a couple extra pounds and was losing hair. I am very attractive to almost any man so this guy doesnt sound like my type. He was cocky, the center of focus with his office pals and he acted almost as if it was my pleasure to make his coffee(I work at st bux). He was cute too with the greenest eyes I ever seen. They came in again and I watched him. He noticed and said,"can I help you friend?" I shook my head no. As they left I told him goodbye and that I hope he comes in again. He smirked and kept walking. He came in again and we talked a bit. I noticed the ring but it wasnt like we were dating. Visits turned into daily and then us just meeting during lunch to talk makeout and more. I knew it was bad but I was so wrapped up. He never said he would leave his wife he just never wanted her mentioned at all. I was in love with the complicated man. He had marital issues and then confessed his wife the affair. I never even thought of it as an affair till then. He then said we had to stop and we did. I was heartbroken and wanted him even married with me on the side. His wife contacted me and then it hit me the pain I caused. I then became bitter towards him and resented him. I got over it and realized he was a jerk to me and most importantly his wife. Yet I write this and think of our good times and I melt even want him to get coffee and walk in the doors sometimes. Long story anyways I am wondering is/was the fact he was married why I wanted him. Also are my thoughts and reactions in this mess normal? Am I just gross and an icky person? Help me please. Melnee
melnee84 melnee84
1 Response May 24, 2012

You are not a gross or an icky person. You are human. Some say that the attraction happens because he/she is off limits. <br />
However I have a similar story and fell in love with a married man yet nothing physical happened. He became my rock, he was my best friend and I never ever though I would fall in love with him. <br />
No matter what some people may say you are a good person and things like this happen!! Your a strong person believe it!