Emotional Affair.

So yeah, it's nice to talk to people who won't judge me. Basically I have known this mm for 8 years we have always been close friends but for the past 6 months we fell in love with each other. We spoke everyday and two weeks ago I
Finally told him I loved him back, well he rang me all excited and his wife overheard the conversation. He spoke to me two days later and we both agreed to end it yet last Friday he basically tells me he can't let me go and he loves me and doesn't want to cut me out of his life. I understand you can't turn your feelings off I'm feeling as hurt as him. And it makes it worse because we work together. He's now gone on holiday with his wife giving me time to think. Basically what I am asking is it better to deal with the heartache and cut all ties before we get even more attached. It's a weird relationship there no physical side just talking and seeing each other at work. I
Miss him everyday because I've lost my Lover and best friend. I really don't know what to do I'm torn about ending
It or carrying on and getting hurt again further down the line.
Seekingadvise Seekingadvise
22-25, F
7 Responses Jun 3, 2012

I have found myself in this situation. I Never thought this would be me, ever. He pursued me for about 4 yrs, I wasn't
interested and made it clear multiple times. He had a reputation of this type behavior and I was not into that. We worked at the same place so we would casually speak but that was it. Then I had issues in my marriage and was in a weak time and was more receptive to his comments. One thing led to another we started seeing each other outside of work odd thing is we never had sex he didn't want to. Which was odd. Eventually we did but in 4 years I can count the encounters on 1 hand. Both our spouses found out we ended in an altercation at one point I swore I would stop but he would always come back. Now he has transferred and lives 2 hrs away. I miss him like crazy. I want to let him go but I can't. He calls every day M-F. Says he misses me and I know he does. I know he cares about me and doesn't want to let me go either but this emotional roller coaster I'm on is not fun. To be in love with a mm that isn't leaving is the worst feeling I have had.has anyone had therapy thst has been successful. I think what makes this worse is I haven't left my spouse for same reason he hasn't. I feel so guilty.

Trust me let it go. It will get easier with time. He needs to focus on his wife and you deserve your own husband.

End it. You are hurting his wife and his children if he has any.You are being selfish and immoral. He loves his wife that's why he 's still with her.face it he chose her not you. you are just a fill in.Go get a man you don't have to share. One thats full heart belongs you.They hardly ever leave their wives. You will just be miserable.

I am also trying to break the addiction.

I have just been reading your story but have only really skimmed over it, I am as you in an emotional affair but it is also a physical one, my lover is a mm and I am also not married but as good as we have been together for 20 plus years. I keep telling myself that I need to end my affair but everytime there is a lull in contact I miss him like crazy. I know I am being unfair to my partner who has stood by me through some tough stuff but who although I admit i have fallen out of love with him, has NEVER told me that he loves me. I guess i just assumed all these years that he did, now I wonder if he ever did and whether if I hadn't fallen for our eldest child we would have stayed together. Anyway life is full of ups and downs and surprises round the corner, I say if this man makes you happy now then don't look to the future enjoy what you have. (Your story may be very different now 3 months down the line)

i wish you and abigmess luck. i lost my husband of 18 years, 2 years ago. i miss him so much. but im at the point i miss being held, wanted, and needed. i turned to a married man too. i know we all hear. "i dont love her, and im not happy" but ifs thats the case why are they still together. well he goes on vacation next week and they are going on a trip. i hate it. im going to be going through what yall 2 just went through. its tough, and i hope next week i can come back and tell you were fine. i pray things go well for you. just watch your heart. god bless

I know that I'm a guy, and I literally have no idea what you're going through, but you should try finding new things to fill your idle time with. For example, if your mind begins to wander back to this subject, go for a run. If he's still on your mind . . . Keep running. I used to struggle with loneliness (I know it's not even remotely similar to your problem), but over the last two months filling my time with other activities has almost completely removed any of my negative feelings. I periodically head to the city (Chicago) when I start feeling down, and the overwhelming amount of culture is enough to bring my spirits back to life now. Find you, not him.

Thankyou for your supportive words, means a lot. I think loneliness is something I'm dealing with now, however I know I can be strong and get through this. I like how you have dealt with a negative thing and used positive ways to over come it. Thankyou again :)