Emotional Affair.

So yeah, it's nice to talk to people who won't judge me. Basically I have known this mm for 8 years we have always been close friends but for the past 6 months we fell in love with each other. We spoke everyday and two weeks ago I
Finally told him I loved him back, well he rang me all excited and his wife overheard the conversation. He spoke to me two days later and we both agreed to end it yet last Friday he basically tells me he can't let me go and he loves me and doesn't want to cut me out of his life. I understand you can't turn your feelings off I'm feeling as hurt as him. And it makes it worse because we work together. He's now gone on holiday with his wife giving me time to think. Basically what I am asking is it better to deal with the heartache and cut all ties before we get even more attached. It's a weird relationship there no physical side just talking and seeing each other at work. I
Miss him everyday because I've lost my Lover and best friend. I really don't know what to do I'm torn about ending
It or carrying on and getting hurt again further down the line.
Seekingadvise Seekingadvise
22-25, F
9 Responses Jun 3, 2012

I have found myself in this situation. I Never thought this would be me, ever. He pursued me for about 4 yrs, I wasn't
interested and made it clear multiple times. He had a reputation of this type behavior and I was not into that. We worked at the same place so we would casually speak but that was it. Then I had issues in my marriage and was in a weak time and was more receptive to his comments. One thing led to another we started seeing each other outside of work odd thing is we never had sex he didn't want to. Which was odd. Eventually we did but in 4 years I can count the encounters on 1 hand. Both our spouses found out we ended in an altercation at one point I swore I would stop but he would always come back. Now he has transferred and lives 2 hrs away. I miss him like crazy. I want to let him go but I can't. He calls every day M-F. Says he misses me and I know he does. I know he cares about me and doesn't want to let me go either but this emotional roller coaster I'm on is not fun. To be in love with a mm that isn't leaving is the worst feeling I have had.has anyone had therapy thst has been successful. I think what makes this worse is I haven't left my spouse for same reason he hasn't. I feel so guilty.

Trust me let it go. It will get easier with time. He needs to focus on his wife and you deserve your own husband.

End it. You are hurting his wife and his children if he has any.You are being selfish and immoral. He loves his wife that's why he 's still with her.face it he chose her not you. you are just a fill in.Go get a man you don't have to share. One thats full heart belongs you.They hardly ever leave their wives. You will just be miserable.

I am also trying to break the addiction.

I have just been reading your story but have only really skimmed over it, I am as you in an emotional affair but it is also a physical one, my lover is a mm and I am also not married but as good as we have been together for 20 plus years. I keep telling myself that I need to end my affair but everytime there is a lull in contact I miss him like crazy. I know I am being unfair to my partner who has stood by me through some tough stuff but who although I admit i have fallen out of love with him, has NEVER told me that he loves me. I guess i just assumed all these years that he did, now I wonder if he ever did and whether if I hadn't fallen for our eldest child we would have stayed together. Anyway life is full of ups and downs and surprises round the corner, I say if this man makes you happy now then don't look to the future enjoy what you have. (Your story may be very different now 3 months down the line)

i wish you and abigmess luck. i lost my husband of 18 years, 2 years ago. i miss him so much. but im at the point i miss being held, wanted, and needed. i turned to a married man too. i know we all hear. "i dont love her, and im not happy" but ifs thats the case why are they still together. well he goes on vacation next week and they are going on a trip. i hate it. im going to be going through what yall 2 just went through. its tough, and i hope next week i can come back and tell you were fine. i pray things go well for you. just watch your heart. god bless

I know that I'm a guy, and I literally have no idea what you're going through, but you should try finding new things to fill your idle time with. For example, if your mind begins to wander back to this subject, go for a run. If he's still on your mind . . . Keep running. I used to struggle with loneliness (I know it's not even remotely similar to your problem), but over the last two months filling my time with other activities has almost completely removed any of my negative feelings. I periodically head to the city (Chicago) when I start feeling down, and the overwhelming amount of culture is enough to bring my spirits back to life now. Find you, not him.

Thankyou for your supportive words, means a lot. I think loneliness is something I'm dealing with now, however I know I can be strong and get through this. I like how you have dealt with a negative thing and used positive ways to over come it. Thankyou again :)

You are so strong and have such a clear mine that I wish I have. He was back from vacation yesterday and I don't even know if he will text me ever again... It's been a very tough 10 days for me. Waiting for posibility "nothing" is such a torture. I can't tell anyone either that's why I'm on this site. I met someone who's in a smiliar situation and we exchange email almost everyday to support each other. Keep me posted. I wish you well and strive for the life which you deserve.

I'm not strong at all, the fact I want to end it yet I'm sitting here with my mind constantly on him.
I know exactly where you are coming from yet even though it is torture waiting for the phone to beep we can't help but wait. If you want to email myself and we can support each other through this. My heard says to end it yet when I see him at work I know for a fact my heart will take over. I can't believe how many people are in the same situation as me. The fact that we can't tell people closet to us makes it worse. On Friday when we agreed it was over I was an emotional wreck!! And everyone was asking what was up but I couldn't tell them the truth.
I really do hope we can both get through this and I'm willing to support you!!!

My MM was also on vacation with his wife, leaving the kids behind and it killed me. We met 8 months ago and fell for each other the first time we met. I have to say, in this 8 months, my mood swings like crazy! Every time when I got his text, I feels like I'm in heaven. Even just a couple of short lines, even just a little hi... sometimes I won't hear from him for a couple of days. He said he's busy... but that can bring me down to hell. He came see me the day before they went on vacation and said he will text me when he's back. I don't even know if I will ever hear from him again... that's how I feel every time when we disconnect for a couple of days. Maybe this vacation rekindled he and his wife's romance and love? Maybe he realized that he doesn't want to be with me anymore... Maybe, maybe... <br />
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I never expect him to leave his wife. I don't usually text him, but just wait for his text to come through. I try to grasp every opportunity that he can come see me. I love him but how long will this last? I don't know... I take every time I see him as the last time we will see each other. I tried to enjoy my time with him as much as possible but I'm always so sad after. We tried to break it so many times but always come back together.<br />
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I know exactly what you are going through now... If you can hold it back, I will not move forward but it's not going to be easy. As you already know, things will get harder and you will get hurt more down the line. You are so young, find someone who can be yours is your best bet. It's not easy and is it worth the pain?<br />
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Good luck with whatever decision you made!

Thankyou for sharing your story with me. I think because we are so emotionally connected that it is so difficult for us.i think it is time I listened to my head and not my heart, easier said than done but the pain wouldn't even compare if I carried on with this relationship. Thankyou for your support one of the hardest things about this is no one knows, and the guilt from it can eat you alive. this week apart I believe will do us good, give us space from each other as I have seen him everyday for 8 years. Maybe time for a new job aswell.
Thankyou again