You Know What You're In For?

To all ladies who have found themselves in this situation:

You may have fallen in love with a married man. But please don't be fooled. You are going to get hurt. I know you don't want to believe me but deep inside you know its true. He will say sweet things and even show love for a little while. Telling you he loves you, you're so important, etc. But his wife will eventually pick up on it and he will go home to her, leaving you sad and alone. Any person who cheats is a heart breaker who is mostly only out for their own gain. He will always be a cheater. He will throw you away and forget you because by your actions you have demonstrated that you are dispensable. It's like, um, I didn't know I was wearing a sign on my head that said "Use Me". Been there, done that. If falling in love with him has helped you in some grand way....awesome! But let it go now and don't talk to or see him anymore. And don't go back and forth. End it because if you don't....he eventually will. And he won't even care. You think he always will, but you are not a priority in his life. He is. Best of luck to you, and if you decide to stay, just'll be the one to pay in the end. Move on and find someone who is truly worthy of you, and only YOU.

sheekchic sheekchic
10 Responses Jun 25, 2012

No need to apologize we all tend to use that kind of language when we are fed up with our MM. I'm still with my MM. It's hard to break away from him..tried many times but we always end up back together. I know he loves me and I love him but there is always something in the way .......the wife.......she's in our way of seeing each other etc. I have told him that I'm going to start back dating and he gets upset and says the same thing...give me some time....well I have given him plenty of time..... 2013 is going to be my year not his......

Agreed. I just called it off with my MM who i have known since i was 18 and we are both now 44. Its now his second marriage and he hasnt had sex with the wife since 2006.
I told him i was going to resume dating and that if he wants me back it has to be this year, and he separates from his ***** wife this year, and that is it. I have had enough of the bs and the no sex (my end of the world anyway since August 2012) and not even seeing him or anyone else, because something is always in the way as to why i cant see him. And I believed i could be sexless and faithful to him.
Now the ***** wife is tracking him by google latitude on his cell phone so i have given up. If he cant be ****** getting around that - then he can have the frigid ***** wife for the rest of his frigid boring bored life.
Sorry for the language. feedback welcome.

So very true. I have the power to end this relationship but its hard because I love him. He is a cheater and in a sense so are we when involved with a married's hard and full of heartache and sadness but as I said before it is what it is......only we the ow can make it better. The one thing that is different is he tells me he loves me but I refuse to let him know that I love him.....and I will keep it that way for my own purposes

Awesome ... This is precisely what happened in my life. Finding it tough, but everyday gets brighter! Thanks for this eye opener ...

So many of the post on here are true and then some don't have a clue. 99% of OW did not go out looking for MM actually the MM looks for the woman and pursues her. Not all of them lie about what they are looking for. Mine was actually upfront and said he didn't want a relationship and wasn't looking for a relationship , but as we all know it is a relationship that developes after a while no matter how hard you try to keep it from happening . I found myself loving MM more than myself, now I refuse to do that yes I love him very much but now realize I deserve better and that I don't want to be second to anyone. He and I have great times together and we talk about everything. I know his wife and I know what is true and what isn't. The sad thing is we all know the wife more than likely knows about us because men are just not that smart about hiding things . I will continue with MM but I will also have my life outside of him. It is what it is and when he leaves his wife I Won't be there for him.....or maybe I will. And yes I know he is leaving his wife because his son is a friend of my niece and he talks to her about his dad...,and no he doesn't know that I know his dad.,,,,,,,

Firstly, why are you staying with him knowing he is married? You are hurting his wife, but mostly yourself. The saying "what people don't know, won't hurt them ...". False. I found out my MM was in fact married, and the wife found out aout me. We were both devistated. Just remember that you may live your life, but your taking others with you by continuing this lie.

Oh,and BTW, I left his sorry *** ...

I'm just wondering wot u suggest if you have a child to yur mm .. In my case I have a daughter to him he has 3 sons to his wife .. My mm and our daughter hav bonded .. How do u just leave that?

I don't think you ever do. But you have to do what is best for YOU and your daughter. It hurts but its unavoidable. The hurt will cease when you find someone else. Then a new hurt is what it is.

Leave what? You never had anything but a side affair in which is not willing to give you what you deserve and need.

*Clap* *Clap* *Clap* took me two years to get it ... but I finally got it. I thought MY friends were crazy!!!

Hats off to us!!! Yay, yay, yay! :)

What you speaking of STDS, clap... Haha let that be a lesson to us all, they do not warn you for nothing!

If he cheats he is just using his wife too, the woman who works for him like a maid providing him safety and security... Food and a kept shelter... Using the other woman as a plaything on the side, and always running back to his home - a sense of stability the wife cultivates... I think it is unfair, she does everything for him, treats him like a King, and he wants other women. WTF is wrong with him?!<br />
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Maybe he is just a selfish idiot, or wants to show control and power hurting his wife by showing her that other women wants him and that he can take any other woman he wants... This is cruel, he does not really love her if he does this, he just plays with her mind as some sick sadistic fetish, liking to see her cry, using her as a punch bag, grooming her into the perfect helpless victim who would always crawl back making her believe she is nothing without him.<br />
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Is it possible that he may be testing her love, to see how far she would go and fight for him? To see how important he really is to her? No I do not think so, he does not wish her to FIGHT at all, but just to accept his philandering, using her through it all as well. It is true, it is all about him then, and the POWER he has over her as the perfect submissive slave.

Very true. Thank you for your input....Best of luck to you!

Actually the problems is that the cheater is in it for him/herself. They don't care about anyone else at the moment. Many men categorize the affair. Usually they end on their own because once the thrill is gone they tend to move on or quite because it's getting to risky. But you ladies that choose to be the OW are the main reason MM cheat. Some of you are persistently going after MM because they are easy. What you OW don't realize is that marriage is a fluid relationship with vibrant moments and some less exciting but the bonds of having a life and children together are more than it's sum of parts. The OW happens to recognize these weak moments and preys on them by the most mundane and silly things that a MM falls for.. Flattery and stroking their ego.. These men are stupid because a single man might like that at first but quickly recognizes the trap. MM are idiots and don't see they just stepped into **** until later. And what you OW don't understand is that he will never leave his real home and real life.. You are playing in his fantasy and none of it is real.. He will tell you things that you want to hear to keep the game going but you are a fool if you think it's reall. He is cheating and lying to his wife who's is his companion and true lover... Which is dispicable so do you really think anything he says to you is true. He just wants a quick **** that he doesn't have to pay for... All men are pigs in this case.. They will use women so it's up to you not to let yourself get used... You need to have self respect to say NO I don't go out with MARRIED men because I will never be his first choice. I matter more than that... More than catching a moment to meet up and then he goes back to his family... I think we should applaud all of the wives who deal with these ********... They are the true heroes!!! She is always there, working outside the home and then in the home, taking care of the kids meals and household... Some wives once they find out will not forgive the husbands because the damage he and the OW is too great!!! Some wives will try but are tormented for life that their knight in shinning armor is now a horseless dud!!! But they try to work it out for the kids and the rest of the family... What you don't fully understand is that your action causes the entire downfall of a relatively happy marriage... Because once the trust is broken and the wife betrayed it's nearly impossible to repair but with the love left in the marriage it can be restored... But you OW had though about your actions and respected yourself and the wife the heartbreak could have been avoided for everyone... Yes yes the MM he cheated... But you could have stopped it.... You could have been stronger and a better person than that ******* who really doesn't respect you either.. You are a disposable baggy... He makes some deposits and takes what he needs but throws it away when done..
So ladies be strong for yourselfs and be strong for the wives because one day you might yourself married with beautiful kids and a wonderful husband that in a moment of weakness is approached by an OW who infiltrates your life and ruins it completely...Karma does pay back....

thanks, i will think about you suggestion. i had affair with a married man for 6 years. i am hoping and waiting for nothing..But it is difficult for me to forget and a live without makes me feel so stupid! i am trying to control my heart at this moment.

and he knows and loves that about you. You need to stay strong and move on. Otherwise he wins.

Thanks for the motivation.. As much as i want to move out, I want to be with him.. As much as I want to hate him..i want love him more... its difficult though not impossible..