In Love With A Married Man

I have been having an affair with a married man for a year and 9 months. When we began dating him and his current wife had split. I never thought I would grow so attached to someone so quickly. At that time they had not yet gotten married. We continued to see each other even when they got engaged. I should also mention she was about 6 months pregnant at this time. They decided they should get married (I believe just because of the baby but maybe I am just naive). They got married in November and before the wedding I had told him we needed to go our separate ways. To make matters worse the 3 of us work for the same company. His wife works 1st shift and he works 2nd and my job has me between shifts. So even when I thought things were over they never are because I still have to see him. It was only a day after they got married that he had begun text me again. He always said the right things. We continued to see each other whenever possible and I just grew closer to him. Once she had the baby I thought this was another time things would end between us but it didn't change anything. Things started to get more intense between us as we became more like a normal couple. He would come stay over night with me we would cook dinner together and cuddle and watch movies. This lead to actually going on real dates together, we celebrated valentine's day, went to the movies or dinner etc. We got so close I decided that I would give him a key to my place. At some point during this time he stopped wearing his wedding band and I thought that meant we would actually be together. At the end of September 2011, we had already been together for a year, the two of them got into an argument and he moved all of his stuff to my apartment. Again I thought this was a great sign that things were going to work out for us. That weekend we had already planned on getting away for the weekend for his birthday. It was one of the best weekends I have had in my life so far. Once we came back we spent time like a normal couple. It was that next weekend when everything fell apart. He told me he couldn't be away from his daughter (they have one child together, he has 2 other children and she has 2 other children). I totally fell apart but he was still there for me, he held me as I cried and tried to reassure me he was going back only because of the baby and not her. We continued to see each other but something had changed shortly after he left. Things just didn't feel the same. I knew I still loved him but I began to doubt everything and became very paranoid about what he was doing when he wasn't with me.I had gotten so used to getting phone calls from him at certain times or text messages and once those started to fade I didn't know what to do. We celebrated Christmas together that year. At the end of January 2012, I thought I had had enough and I told him I couldn't do it any longer. I thought he would fight for me and would try and convince me things would work but he didn't. I then did something I regret to this day, I let people know we had been having an affair together. He then sent me a very hurtful email telling me to leave him alone along with other very hurtful things. I was so hurt I had stopped eating for almost 2 weeks, I would cry to the point where I would throw up. I ended up going and staying with my mom who lives out of state for 5 days because I felt I needed to get away to heal. Though everywhere I looked something reminded me of him. When I came back I heard one of his sister's was in the hospital, and of course I was worried about him. As much as I wanted to text him or call him I never did. I was respecting his wish for me to leave him be. However, later on he was the one he messaged me on yahoo and it all just started over. At first he wouldn't text and if he called it was either from work or he would block his number. I had found out he had changed his number after we had gotten into the argument. Eventually he started text me and it was OK for me to text him. We still see each other but not as often as before, though I do see him at work. I still have very strong feelings for him. Again I thought I needed to move on but I needed him to tell me I should. I had sent him an email explaining to him how I felt and he responded by telling me to move on. I never thought he would say that and again I was hurt. This didn't even last a day before he was text me again and when I would see him again. I have meet some of his family and he has met some of mine. Even when things are bad all I can do is think about the good moments. He makes me feel so special when we are together. As much as I want to be able to move on I can't get over the feeling that he is my soul mate and the one I am supposed to be with. I know him and his wife fight constantly and I don't know why he doesn't think he deserves better. I know his kids are his priority but if he isn't happy I don't understand why he feels like he has to suffer threw that. As of late my job has become a miserable place to be because of the drama between us. His wife and her friend basically are always talking about me. I know I played a role in this and I'm not innocent but I also feel like if he had stopped text me any of those times he told me to leave him alone we both could have gone on with our lives and not be where we are today. I still want to be with him because I know when its just the two of us I am so happy. It was my hope that sharing this story would get everything off my chest and I would feel better, but no matter what I still feel conflicted with my feelings. I know as a person I deserve to be happy I just wish it was going to be with him.
j3ss0012 j3ss0012
26-30, F
5 Responses Jul 16, 2012

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My heart goes out to you j3, I promise you I've never felt heart break like i'm feeling now. Walking away is very hard... it got to the point where my friends were starting to get frustrated with me ... but over 2 years I couldn't do it anymore... the promises, he's unhappy...etc, kids are grown. If he were that unhappy, he would leave. Men do leave. The man I was seeing knew from the start he wasn't leaving ... it just took me finally opening my eyes and getting sick from worry to pull back.... and it is hard and yes, I miss him... but no more heartaches, no more questioning myself, no more holiday's alone... I deserve better and you do too!!

im touched that you are going through so much but you can walk away think about how the wife that he married had a child with swore to love cherish above all fills when hes with you spending christmas birthdays weekends on and on when he should be with his wife and family you knew what you was getting into she dint he deceived her and i bet the times he left you alone waswhen there was a fourth wheel respect your self and your fellow sisters by not enabling him to hurt you or his wife we all know whats right our hearts might not know it but we do and if we do whats right then we will all sleep better at night

walking away is easier said then done and I have tried many times. when ever he would tell me to leave him alone or he never wanted to hear from me again i let it be, but he was the one always initiating the contact after that. She was pregnant before they got married and it wasn't planned. Its not my fault if he lied to her when he got married. I have no sympathy for her, just as easy as I could walk away so could she after she found out. I know it takes two for something like this to happen but I feel as though he has done nothing but lead me on to believe he wasn't happy with her and didn't want to be with her in the first place. He told me on several occasions marrying her was a mistake. Maybe he is just blowing smoke up my a** to keep me around. And I always left when I was asked too I never re approached him so I don't feel much guilt.

This is truly a touching story.................. :'(

Wow, that's heart breaking! >>sending healing vibes<