Fool Me Once ,shame On You . Fool Me Twice, Shame On Me .

It all started 6 years ago . I was married at the time and so was he . I had quite a few suspicions my husband was cheating on me . (come to find out with other men ,and i divorced him  ) I had gone out to watch a band play with a few close friends . He was the bass player in the band, and after a group of people decided to have some drinks at a local bar in our town . that was where he expressed to my friend he was interested in me . He had told my friend that him and his wife were not happy . That he was planning on leaving her.
we exchanged numbers through our mutual friend and began texting and talking , going out to movies ,and bars with other people . I had even gone to his house while his wife was home once to pick him up . I had no reason to believe that he wasn't truly leaving his wife . Why would she let him go out with other women if that were not the case?.
then one afternoon we decided to get a hotel together . we spent an amazing night at the hotel and on our way home that night . He confessed to me he was not going to leave his wife . she was pregnant, and he had another daughter from a previous relationship and this was the only mother she had ever known .
My husband was obviously suspicious all this time, and had put a key logger on our computer to catch us. My husband was very close friends with his wives , brother and he immediatly told him of the affair . As soon as the affair was out . He denied it all to his wife, to her family , everyone . He had still been trying to make contact with me and see me a little , but was soon caught again trying to email me . The affair was ended and he took no responsibility. He said it was all lies , even with proof he claimed it was not true . His wife believed him and chose to stay with him .
He and I hated each other for years, Or were angry I should say with each other after everything that had happened . I then met a member of his family i was attracted to and became pregnant we had two children together and were together for about 5 1/2 years . He was very abusive verbally , cheated on me with about 20 women that i know of . maybe more . I was completly faithful to him during this time .
I always loved the man I had an affair with , everytime i saw him my heart would drop . there has always been an attraction between us that I have never felt with another human being . a chemisty. After the break up of my childrens father and I . I ran into the man I had an affair with 6 yrs ago . All the feelings came back immediatly . we started texting again and before we knew it we were back where we had started . Another affair . we texted all day everyday , and saw eachother every week . a lot of it was sexual , but some emotional . Then at one point about 3 months in I realized i loved him . I have always loved him . He had told me he was not going to leave his wife this time and that things could only be what they were . I became depressed , crying daily , when he left my house the tears would start . I was so unhappy being second best . I confessed my love for him ,and realized he did not feel the same i was simply a toy for him and even after telling me he loved me 6 yrs ago . It was another lie to get me back in bed . Over the 5 months we dated . He had told me a number of Elaborate lies , from possibly thinking he had cancer , to his wives suspision of us . I had found out there were several other women . I was his girlfriend /mistress , but he had been cheating on his wife with me and on me with random women . was i shocked No! , heartbroken yes . I wanted so bad to believe he loved me .
the first time we had the affair I had felt horrible , guilt ridden ,terrible about hurting his wife . The second time I didn't . I felt like she knew he had cheated she chose to stay with him knowing he wasn't faithful and she had no one to blaim for being hurt twice but herself . I too have been cheated on. I do know how it feels , and when he did it to me again I realized i had no one to blame for my pain but myself . I let him hurt me again .
5 months after the affair started he was caught again . He had no way out . He was forced to confess (to only me. Not the countless other women ) or so he told me . He changed his number, told me to never call again and has once again blamed me for everything . things just ended a few days ago and I don't know exactly what is happening with him and his wife , but it looks as if she is staying with him again .
I am heartbroken , but also a little relieved that he did not leave his wife for me 6 yrs ago . He would have just done the same thing to me .
I am not looking to hear what a horrible person I am for any of this . I have had my share of guilt and shame. Rumors have gone around our small town and I was the only one to pay for what happened between us . As much as everyone likes to point fingers and place blame . I do not believe we chose who we love . we cannot control our heart . He has a skill for manipulating and lying and that is why his wife still stays with him and why I still wish he would knock on my door someday .
I also know my grammer is terrible am not looking for an english teacher on here ... thanks .
Bella529 Bella529
Dec 2, 2012