I Love a Married Man
And, celibate with her for two decades.
But, he wasn't getting a divorce. He wants to stay married, keep all his ducks in a row, and he lied about it. And, when I would get angry, he would push me away.
He didn't love me. He dumped me at my lowest point and got mad whenever I called him out and played victim. He walked away the second it became real and tough. Gone like a shot, pouted like a little boy because I was very sick and he couldn't ski and I wasn't the one stopping him. It was his work!
I honestly and truly thought his marriage was over, and I told him that if he didn't divorce I wanted no relationship from the get go.
Now, he wants the best for me and wishes me luck. Selfish *****.
And, there was no hiding. I knew his entire family, I was his girlfriend, I knew his daughter. I was his companion. But, when I talked about partnering, she was the mother of his child and his partner in his most important life's work (his farm).
Guess who is expendable? Not that he loves his wife. He keeps her around to upkeep his farm and not have to pay alimony and keep her as a tax write off. AND, he was using me to get to her and staying away from the farm until she accepted him having outside women and didn't make his life difficult when he went up there. I was a negotiating chip in a power dynamic with his wife.
My circumstance was far different with a long separated man who lived in another house for years and took me around openly. And, he lied about the divorce. So, I will forgive myself for thinking differently. And, if it was this bad for me with a guy who didn't hide me and introduced me to everyone and lived as my boyfriend not her husband, I can only imagine what it must be like to be hidden away.
Don't kid yourself. We are all just play. And, disposable.
Only dating TOTALLY divorced or single men, and that won't be for a long time to come.
But, he wasn't getting a divorce. He wants to stay married, keep all his ducks in a row, and he lied about it. And, when I would get angry, he would push me away.
He didn't love me. He dumped me at my lowest point and got mad whenever I called him out and played victim. He walked away the second it became real and tough. Gone like a shot, pouted like a little boy because I was very sick and he couldn't ski and I wasn't the one stopping him. It was his work!
I honestly and truly thought his marriage was over, and I told him that if he didn't divorce I wanted no relationship from the get go.
Now, he wants the best for me and wishes me luck. Selfish *****.
And, there was no hiding. I knew his entire family, I was his girlfriend, I knew his daughter. I was his companion. But, when I talked about partnering, she was the mother of his child and his partner in his most important life's work (his farm).
Guess who is expendable? Not that he loves his wife. He keeps her around to upkeep his farm and not have to pay alimony and keep her as a tax write off. AND, he was using me to get to her and staying away from the farm until she accepted him having outside women and didn't make his life difficult when he went up there. I was a negotiating chip in a power dynamic with his wife.
My circumstance was far different with a long separated man who lived in another house for years and took me around openly. And, he lied about the divorce. So, I will forgive myself for thinking differently. And, if it was this bad for me with a guy who didn't hide me and introduced me to everyone and lived as my boyfriend not her husband, I can only imagine what it must be like to be hidden away.
Don't kid yourself. We are all just play. And, disposable.
Only dating TOTALLY divorced or single men, and that won't be for a long time to come.
By:
rosedl
Age:
41-45
,
Female
