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Loving A Married Man

To Whom It May Concern:

Mine is a story told a thousand times before. I love a man who is married. He has been married for 20 years and has 3 children; aged 13 to 17. He is 49 and I am 43.

I have never posted anything but since becoming involved with Gerry, I have felt, on some level, that I am a woman who has just placed herself within a group of women who, at the least are hated beings. I have not found anything on this certain subject that says, "You have made the right choice,"or "What you are doing hurts no one else." 

I had an overwhelming desire to find something on the internet, that would say that it was ok. I knew I wouldn't, of course, but recently became desperate to read or talk about what was happening to me and let me just say here, I NEVER, EVER had any intention to fall in love or be with a married man and I do mean EVER!

It gets even more complex for me because on June 20th, 2008, my husband of 18 years tells me our marriage is over and that he is in love with another. She is 29 years old and one of his employees. It gets better. This "TWIT" is also married and she tells my now ex husband, that she can't possible leave her husband because she loves him, so the "TWIT"is not only sleeping with her husband, she is sleeping with mine as well. Well, not my problem anymore as we are divorced.

In December, 2008, I met a man who in turn gave me his mobile number.  When I first looked at this man, and he tried to talk to me, I felt absolutely stupid and backwards. I could barely speak and then when I did, what I said didn't make any sense.

 I was still living in the marital home as the property settlement had not been finalised. All the time I stayed in our family home, my then husband was seeing the new love of his life. I will say nothing more other than it liked to have killed me going through that kind of pain from his betrayal, not to mention having to live in the same house while he was seeing her.

A week or more went by before I had the courage to call Gerry. I told him that I just couldn't see him. There were many reasons. One, I was so afraid of the way I felt about him. I didn't know him. We had barely spoken. Two, what the hell WAS I feeling and WHY??? Three, I had said so many times while I lay crying in my bed by the betrayl of my husband, I will never allow myself to be hurt by a man again. I will never, ever allow it.

I know all of this is long, but I haven't told anyone because of the shame I feel and I do feel it. I just have the need to tell my story in detail as there are so many little things that I hang on to.

Gerry told me from the first time I decided to meet him that he was married. He told me as well that he did NOT want a relationship. He said it was not about that for him.

I ended up leaving and moving into another house and in doing this, of course Gerry and I were together more. This is 5 months later in May. Gerry and I shared everything together. We didn't fight and were always laughing together. We cooked together, cleaned, went out but most of all we talked. It was wonderful and eventually, on July 17th, Gerry and I met at a beautiful resturant, where he told me he loved me for the first time. I was shocked becuase he I knew this was not something that he had wanted to happened.

Now, I have manged to read what excuses men will give to thier mistresses, if you like, and Gerry's excuses about why he won't leave do fall in with some of them. He can't stand the thought of not being with his boys in a family environment everyday. Gerry said his marriage was over years ago and admitted to having had one night stands since his marriage break down.  Gerry has had his own bedroom for the past 8 years and has not had sex with his wife for as long. I did ask how exactly will his boys understand the concept of love if their parents aren't even sleeping in the same room? I know that there are people out there who might say that Gerry was only telling me that slept in another room and that he wasn't sleeping with his wife but I heard those words out of his wife's own mouth. She said this while having a phone conversation with Gerry and I could hear every word she said. How I hated her then! She didn't want him and I did and yet I couldn't have him!

So...this is the thing now that I come to regarding my situation. Here is where it will all sound familar. I love a married man. He won't leave because of the above explanation plus he admitted that it would take a lot of courage to leave which he said he doesn't have at this point in time. These are the reasons he said for courage: living in the same home for years, one that he has put extentions on, establisment, other peoples views on his decisions including his children.

I broke everything off a week ago. It was surreal. In loving this man, I wasn't able to call my exhusbands lover a "TWIT"any longer because look at what I had done. I had started to remember the agony of finding out about an affair. I had gotten to a stage where I found myself hating Gerry's wife and I had never even met the woman. I had starting wanting more and more time with Gerry and found myself crying when I wanted him around and knew he couldn't be. I found myself longing at night when I was in an empty bed just to have his arms around me and I absolutely hated the arranged time slots for us to meet.

Do you know the worse thing with all of this is that if he contacts me again, I just don't think I would have the strength to say no because I honestly love the man and I CAN NOT just stop. I'm not a teenager and know what a lasting relationship is all about and I know the hurt of betrayal and yet here I am.

Lanya Lanya 41-45, F 34 Responses Oct 25, 2009

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Are you interested in telling your story in a documentary about infidelity? A lot of people would love to hear your point of view! I'd love to discuss the opportunity further. Please email me at workitcasting@gmail.com

I feel a calculative person can never fall for anyone. It just happens, you can't plan it. Certain things are just meant to be. Nobody can come between a couple if their relation is strong enough and no body can be a cause of separation other than the couple themselves. Evert couple is mature enough to handle their problems. It takes two to tango. It can only be their decision. Strangely, it is always the other woman who is blamed for everything. Are these men kids that anybody can take them away showing just a lollypop? Do you plan when you fall for unmarried person? Does one have control over their feeling? Do these kids listen to their parents when their parents have an objection with the guys they love? Do they stop seeing them just because others have objection. It’s the easiest thing to comment on other’s lives. It’s only when you get into other person’s shoes, you know how it feels. No body ever wants to be another woman. So mind what you say, because you never know who you may fall for next. Life has strange ways of teaching and often when we judge and comment on others, life brings similar situation in front of us and asks you believed otherwise, now what would you do. I would say that no matter what, a woman should always, and always keep herself first.

As the daughter of a man who's been cheating on his wife (and on another level on his entire family), I can assure you all the people who hate useless wastes of ***** like you are completely justified in doing so. I hope you realise that you're taking part in a very painful breach of trust and you're destroying a family, not even just a relationship and marriage. My heart goes out to Gerry's children for having to put up with this huge disappointment from a man they might have looked up to, and of course to his wife for going through this betrayal. I really hope you die in the most painful way possible; I would wish you a long life knowing that you've put at least four people through horrible suffering but you're probably a psychopath and would not feel any remorse from that so there's not really any point. What you've done isn't OK, it will never be OK and you deserve no sympathy from anyone so you better find none at all and just kill yourself. Disgusting homewreckers don't do this world any good.

Hello,,,,
this is so real. Thanks to the Experience Project, I have now met people who are in similar situation I am in. I need all the support I can get now. yesterday I decided I have to end it. We would speak daily but because he is celebrating his 50 birthday he is planning a party and we have not spoken in 3 days....to me this was reality check...but the reading of experiences here I hope will give me the courage to keep it this way and not turn back...
I would love to correspond to get some additional advise

just walk away and never look back.......

<p>the best thing you can do is leave Gerry's guy alone ,,,, he just feed you a line bull **** ,,,where you stay with for sex,,, that he wanted,,,,, Go back to your exhushund ,,, I think he learn his lesson ,,,, maybe you to can have a life togather ,,,,befor you really get hurt,,,with this Gerry guy,,,,,,,</p>

Im in tears right now because i am going through the exact sme thing. Its killing me inside. I love him so much.

I'm a man going through a similar situation. I identify with you so much.

thanks for your story you shared,my sitution is the same we been dating for 13 years ,he say he stay because of the kids ,they dont have sex it has been years since they been together.he always tell me we are building a future together we travel ,take my kids on vacation together i meet his parents they gave me a whole lot of information about his relationship with the wife. not in front of him but it is the same story that he gave me.he plan is when the kids gradution from high school than we can be together well i have heard of this i had a aunt that stayed with her husband than we the kids went off to college they separted on my mom and dad side is this the new trend thanks

Dayfaerie you said it girl.

A mistress?? You're right and it don't make me feel good 😪

Why won't they ever do the decent thing and stop playing both the women in their life???!!! 😢

I truly know how hard it is!! and yes.. i am weak for him too. We agreed we would leave our partners, so we could be together. We both moved into our respective spare bedrooms. I told my partner we were splitting up, and a few weeks later, he shot himself in the head, through his eye. Due to joint mortgage, we are still living together. and now he's in a wheelchair and only one eye. It's horrible to see day in and day out, and feel angry yet also guilty. Carers in and out of my house all day long. I feel trapped! And my lover??... Oh, he's still living with his wife

Well, I find so much comfort in your story as guess what? It's my story too! I know what its like to BE the cheater, the one to cause pain, and yet here I am unfortunately so, battling to break myself from further being consumed in a relationship an unhappily married man. All you said hit home....his wife is highly abusive, clearly not in love with him, they have split and gotten back together and he reassures me that I help him, and im not breaking up anything, which I cannot accept. im an adult and bottom line, he is not available to love me. Every week I break it off, weaning myself from him hoping it will get easier, i simply feel more lonelyand longing. Ladies, no one can beat you up the way you can. Guilt, conviction hang heavy on you. I know. But in the end, we make it easier for them to stay complacent, not address their unhappiness because we let them have their out....in us. Ultimately, it will take courage for them to leave. Seems so clear on the outside looking in but you found your courage to restore order and divorce, and if he is tired enough, he will too. But let it be because of his revelation and not because of you! I am drawing strength to walk away just in reading the other stories. Truly love is not self serving, so I have to do the most loving thing and think about the end result! Writer, your guy needs a divorce like YESTERDAY, and not because of you, but because he is not living, he's existing and I can't imagine his hildren ever knowing the true story, being ok with Dad being miserable in their name! Ladies, we love married men, but we must love ourselves more and command the right, in order steps to occur and that's not your move to make, its his. If you love him, let him go! If he comes back, he is yours. If not, he never was. Mine is an emotional internet affair, we haven't met physically (thank God for the distance) but its still an affair as emotionally we are very attached and we cannot share our love life publicly. So there are many facets ladies and know that God still loves you but the guilt is yhere for correction, to plant your feet on the right path. It's miserable, it hurts, but I think we all know deep down.....with tears in our eyes and tears in our eyes we must leave them to it, and walk away. :-( hugs and love from Tampa, Fl

I love your advise. I am going through this right now...2 days ago I have decided to end it all and walk away. God knows I have tried before but it is so hard I keep going back. I am hoping to gain strength from these stories I am reading. I hope I find inspiration from your advise.
I would love for us to chat. Mine was an emotional one as well and I think that is what makes it so much harder.
I need all the help I can get now. I plan to go back to school and do an MBA to occupy my time. I feel so much better now that I can do it.
please respond to me.

I am in love with a married man myself. The problem was that we were together 35 years ago and when we reconnected and I moved back home we started seeing each other. He never told me he was engaged and was buying a new house with his fiance ( it is only in her name). I found all this out in public records. Was suspicious of his behavior so I checked him out. Soon after I found out that he married her while I was dealing with my brothers death. He used to be my brothers boss, that's how I met him in the first place when i was 17. He was suppose to come to the funeral and lied to me about his aunt dying. I am sure he was on his honeymoon. He was married on the 9th and the funeral was on the 15th.

My main problem now is that the once a week lunches still continue although the sex doesn't the flirting still does. I love him so much that I can't say no to these meetings and he says we are friends so it shouldn't matter if he is with someone else.

I just don't know what to do...he is good to me, I guess because we go way back but I don't think that he realizes how much his contact with me is hurting me.

My God girl I know exactly how you feel. Contact me if you need to talk about it...I know I do.

Romana

Lanya, First off let me say I have been the wife and am now the other woman too. So I know how it feels on both sides. All I can say is I am so much happier with the way I am treated and how my MM makes me feel than I was with my ex. Do I have a ring on my finger? No. Do I go to bed alone alot and feel lonely sometimes? Yes... but did I do that when I was married too? Oh yes. You and only you can decide if the happy good times are worth the bad. In my case they are. We love each other, didnt ask for it, didnt mean for it to happen, but it did. He has no children with his wife and he could leave if he really really wanted to. He doesnt. I am not certain I want him to. I was "legally tied" to someone before who made me feel very bad about myself. Now I have someone in my life who makes me feel wonderful and special and actually makes an effort to be with me and make me feel part of his life. He doesnt do things because he has to, he does them because he wants to and that makes me feel amazing. If you love your man and he loves you and you are both willing to put up with the ups and downs (and who are we kidding, no relationship is perfect) then hold on and love each other with all you have, because people look for that feeling their whole lives and some never find it.

Lanya, First off let me say I have been the wife and am now the other woman too. So I know how it feels on both sides. All I can say is I am so much happier with the way I am treated and how my MM makes me feel than I was with my ex. Do I have a ring on my finger? No. Do I go to bed alone alot and feel lonely sometimes? Yes... but did I do that when I was married too? Oh yes. You and only you can decide if the happy good times are worth the bad. In my case they are. We love each other, didnt ask for it, didnt mean for it to happen, but it did. He has no children with his wife and he could leave if he really really wanted to. He doesnt. I am not certain I want him to. I was "legally tied" to someone before who made me feel very bad about myself. Now I have someone in my life who makes me feel wonderful and special and actually makes an effort to be with me and make me feel part of his life. He doesnt do things because he has to, he does them because he wants to and that makes me feel amazing. If you love your man and he loves you and you are both willing to put up with the ups and downs (and who are we kidding, no relationship is perfect) then hold on and love each other with all you have, because people look for that feeling their whole lives and some never find it.

Lanya, First off let me say I have been the wife and am now the other woman too. So I know how it feels on both sides. All I can say is I am so much happier with the way I am treated and how my MM makes me feel than I was with my ex. Do I have a ring on my finger? No. Do I go to bed alone alot and feel lonely sometimes? Yes... but did I do that when I was married too? Oh yes. You and only you can decide if the happy good times are worth the bad. In my case they are. We love each other, didnt ask for it, didnt mean for it to happen, but it did. He has no children with his wife and he could leave if he really really wanted to. He doesnt. I am not certain I want him to. I was "legally tied" to someone before who made me feel very bad about myself. Now I have someone in my life who makes me feel wonderful and special and actually makes an effort to be with me and make me feel part of his life. He doesnt do things because he has to, he does them because he wants to and that makes me feel amazing. If you love your man and he loves you and you are both willing to put up with the ups and downs (and who are we kidding, no relationship is perfect) then hold on and love each other with all you have, because people look for that feeling their whole lives and some never find it.

Lanya, First off let me say I have been the wife and am now the other woman too. So I know how it feels on both sides. All I can say is I am so much happier with the way I am treated and how my MM makes me feel than I was with my ex. Do I have a ring on my finger? No. Do I go to bed alone alot and feel lonely sometimes? Yes... but did I do that when I was married too? Oh yes. You and only you can decide if the happy good times are worth the bad. In my case they are. We love each other, didnt ask for it, didnt mean for it to happen, but it did. He has no children with his wife and he could leave if he really really wanted to. He doesnt. I am not certain I want him to. I was "legally tied" to someone before who made me feel very bad about myself. Now I have someone in my life who makes me feel wonderful and special and actually makes an effort to be with me and make me feel part of his life. He doesnt do things because he has to, he does them because he wants to and that makes me feel amazing. If you love your man and he loves you and you are both willing to put up with the ups and downs (and who are we kidding, no relationship is perfect) then hold on and love each other with all you have, because people look for that feeling their whole lives and some never find it.

He wined and dined you just to 69 you and told you he loved you to get sex. The other stuff is BS excuses not to get emotionally involved. He never had no intentions on getting involved. It was all about the sex with him. Open your eyes, wake up and smell the coffee girl, love is blind! Count it as a lesson learned and move on. A woman your age should know by now that some men will do anything and go to any extreme and tell you just what you want to hear to get what they want, and it's wham bam, thank you mam! I read these other comments, you all have something in common, you're all in love with losers and a messy realtionship and personally that's what you all deserve for walking right into them with your eyes wide open. No smpathy from me, sounds like all of you got what you asked for! Btw, 99 out of 100 of these married men won't leave their wife for another woman, the odds are stacked against you, so don't fall for that line when he uses that one, that just another one of his tactics of the siver tongued devils.

agree with you definitely on this..

Love this!

I lived for two years with a sociopath because "I loved him." It was the worst two years of my life, but I wouldn't leave him for my own pain. He had to do something to another person I love before I would get rid of him. I know how hard it is when you're directly involved.

First of all let me say i will be wearing cologne form now on. <br />
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Second let me say I feel your pain so very much. I am in love with a married man who is in love with me. We tried not to allow this to happen but I guess that's why they say you "fall" in love. You don't decide to do it, it happens and you can't stop it. Not even if you try. I know. We tried. I have always hated cheating spouses and have always condemned the "other woman". Look at me now. I couldn't stop falling in love with him and now I can't stop loving him. Nor do I want to. He makes me happier than I have ever been in my entire life. Even with the great amount of pain I have felt as a result of it. Makes no sense to most of the world, I know that. Anyone who thinks the other woman has it easy has no clue what so ever! It is the hardest thing I have ever done - and I won't bore you with the details of my life but please trust me it has not been an easy life. Sad thing is I don;t regret one second of this relationship AND even now when I am feeling pretty hopeless that he will ever leave (ok so it has only been 5 months and there is much to get in order IF he is ever going to leave) and knowing what I do now about these relationships and seeing how many end in heartbreak, I would not have missed a second of this and would do it again if the clock was turned back and I had to make the choices again. I love him that much. <br />
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I have fleeting moments when i feel like I should walk away for both of our sake. I have had the words on the tip of my tongue several times at least. But a smile, a kiss, a hug and it is all over. I melt. I trust him and believe him when he tells me he is not having sex with his wife. Hell he has even told his parents that in front of me. It is not a deep dark secret affair. He is part of my family and I am part of his. All of our friends know and we go out in public right here in our home town. I have to have faith and patience and believe that this will all work out the way it is meant to. And I hope yours does too! <br />
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Unfortunately while we wait we will have to face the people who hate us and even the ones who are supposed to love us but feel the need to constantly remind us that we are in serious danger of getting our hearts broken. As if it isn't hard enough already right? My answer to them is from a fortune that I got on one of our very first lunch dates after we allowed our relationship to develop into more than best friends. <br />
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"Hear something and learn it, See something and believe it, Live something and understand it."

I am a married man that HAD a mistress. She broke up with me after her divorce (she was abused). She asked me to leave my wife. I went through all my options and couldn't do it financially and because of the kids. I cried as I was telling her the truth. I had a slim hope she would stay but she didn't. I am miserable without her. I'm a fool for letting her go. But I had no choice. She deserves to be happy and didn't want to be a mistress forever. I'm a sensitive man and I am hurting. I keep waiting for time to heal but it's not. I wish she stayed with me like some other women on here. I understand though. I love you, Sunshine!

I read this with interest...the way you described the woman who had an affair with your husband ("TWIT"), kind of sums up quite well how it feels to be on the other side, so maybe you could understand how his wife would feel?<br />
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Personally, I don't judge you or anyone else here on this forum...I've long believed it is not possible to remain completely faithful to one person your whole life...I think you can love each for life, sure...but we all get bored and long for the "different".<br />
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And sometimes we meet people, click with them and find ourselves in situations we never, ever believed possible when we were an idealistic 20 year old.<br />
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Having an affair is rarely about sex - that's what one night stands are for! - rather, they're generally about emotionally intimacy...in any long term relationship, it's easy for things to go sour and turn cold...and the other woman/man fills the need.<br />
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I totally think it's possible to love more than one person at a time...which is really where the real problem lies...married men - and married women - who find themselves attached to more than one person at a time end up compartmentalising their lives....and see no real need to change anything.<br />
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I hate the kind of manipulative tactics that people like Beyonce spout at any given opportunity ("if you liked it, then you should have put a ring on it"....pllleeeeaaassseeee), but there is something to be said for laying it on the line if you really desire this person to be solely yours...<br />
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I guess the reason why most situations like this end badly is someone is always going to get hurt, and, more often than not, it's the "other" woman or man that ends up getting pushed aside...untangling your affairs from the one you've lived so many years with is messy and expensive and, if you still have some level of respect and love left for them, it's easy to stay than leave...<br />
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Life is hard, aye...x

That BS! You can love someone for life! Just becuase you can't doesn't mean everybody else is like you! It's called comittment and love. Not all men think with their head that's in their pants.

It's people like some of you that end up with children being raised in disfunctional homes and some going to foster homes and even end up in trouble all because of your all selfish behavior. It's a shame and it's called comitting adultry! If children are involved, I think you should be locked up for such disgusting behavior. If you're gonna screw another person, go get a divorce and do it legally. I think it's low and you call it love? Give me a break! You can't do something like that and truly expect it to last, only a fool would think such a thing.

Dear Michael,

Yes..it is true you can love someone for life..if you are willing to be committed to the relationship. Being able to meet your other half way...understanding and respecting the other person for who and what they are. *NOT* letting time go by..and let things get so stale that love turns into cohabitation. When that happens...love starts to die..and yes Michael...love can die for us all.

There are those out there who will carry their marriage banner around with them for their whole married life...waving it...hanging onto that legal piece of paper that says they are *legally* bound to another. In their world...nothing can ever go wrong..because they have their material comfort blanket that says no matter what..you will never fall out of love with me..you will always be honored to obey and love me...till death do we part. No matter what..no matter the endless years of never speaking...a time that comes when intimacy has become a thing of the past because *someone* can't be bothered anymore...the lackless care of anothers own accomplishments..etc.
I am amazed that you think children of someone..who has found love and the natural expression of that...should end up in foster homes. Well...dear me Michael....have you honestly thought about the children growing up in loveless marriages...where no one speaks..holds hands..cuddles or kisses anymore...and perhaps there is nothing but fighting left? My goodness me...what do you honestly think these children are gaining in a positive manner from one parent staying?? What good example is being proved in your eyes Michael? Being exposed to people who have gotten cold...not seeing love at all..only people who avoid each other and even sleep in seperate rooms? Come on...no certificate will ever be able to make someone love another when it has died....ever.

A dysfunctional home..in your eyes..is someone who is selfish and finding love..compassion..tenderness...and yes sex..with someone else who is married. Well..hells bells boy....if it were there at home..like the old saying goes...then it would not be sought out elsewhere.

I am glad you seem to have a strong marriage..in fact Michael..it is what we all want. I have to wonder though..why you felt the need to come on here and tell everyone how disgusting they are. Perhaps the thought has crossed your mind? Why feel the need to come onto this general post? Tisk tisk Michael...better get off here and start looking to your loving and supportive wife. I am sure she would love to know you are looking at posts from *I love a married man*.

This is why I feel the need Lanya, yes you are right about a piece of paper keeping two people married. I couldn't agree more. That's what divorce courts are for! I know all too well about the lack of love in a home between the man and a woman. My father never showed my mother not one drop of affection and they slept in seperate bedrooms. My mother gave birth to twelve children and raised them in the days without all the perks such as pampers and formula, she did it the hard way and yet the women today complain of the least little things. My dad didn't pick me up once in my life or hug me and tell me that he loved me and neither did he ever put his arms around my mother. All he did was beat her black and blue and pull a gun and threaten to shoot all of us. So don't preach to me about a dysfuntional family, tisk tisk my ***! What good example is being proved in my eyes you ask? Look in the mirror sister and ask yourself that question with your children in mind. Although my mother was abused and never rceived any affection from a terrible husband she had dignity and self respect and not once did she cheat on the old bastard, no not once! But that dirty bastard would come home and accuse her and I was home with her all day knowing she had not been anywhere, he would accuse her and start beating her. He must have had a guilty conscience. Well hells bells sister, I do know something about children growing up in a marriage where's there's nothing but fighting going on. That's why I have anxiety attacks and I'm 50yrs old.
All I ever wanted was my mother was to leave me dad, I couldn't stand to see her or I get abused any longer. No, 'til death do us part! She stayed with him and I suffered because of her lack of courage. Is that's what's wrong with you? You don't have the courage to go file for divorce? If you're in a lonely, loveless, sexless marriage, do what's right and file for divorce and legal custody of your children but don't come on here with a sad sopping love affair with a married man looking for sympathy. My mother has one hell of story that could far out do yours the only catch is, my dad's dead and she's single and don't want nothing to do with another man. Imagine that sister, hells bells! She still has her dignity intact too, more than I can say for some people. As for me I've been single for 4 years and I'm not looking, just as my mother, not all of us have raging hormones or as the man commented in his story raging testostrone levels. I apologize for using the word disgusting, that was a little overboard! Kids going into foster homes, well maybe not foster homes but they end up collateral damage which is mostly the cheating husbands fault and not yours because if it wasn't you it would be somebody else. However, a family ends up broken and that's what I'm an advocate for is the children. So I will continue to comment as long as there is people commit such acts and then brag or look for sympathy. I will try to choose my words more carefully and not judge harshly, but the truth is the truth and the truth is childrens lives are being affected everyday by parents that choose to fulfill their hearts desire rather than what's in their childrens best interest and that's just being selfish and wrong.

1 More Response

I too am in the same situation. After being married for 18 years, I left my husband because I could no longer look at him knowing I loved another man and had deceived him and our vows. My relationship with MM was fairly new at that time, but I knew he was exactly the kind of person I had dreamt of meeting my entire life. So now, I am officially the other woman. There is no hope of ever being with him permanently as he has a younger wife and small children. I am alone now, raising my last daughter on my own as I have chosen this life. My ex husband is long gone and I am left with the few hours a week of male companionship that I get from my MM. I don't know when the time will come that I can officially end it. I just can't see that day anytime in the near future. I think about it at times, how it will be when he isn't in my life, when I will no longer hear his voice or laugh, or see him smiling at me, coming up my walkway. If I had to it all do over, I'm not sure that I would change a thing. This feeling is so wonderful and I think it's better to have had a few minutes of it than a lifetime of misery with my ex. I am 48, he is 44.<br />
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Medic3, when I first read your post I thought "what a fool she must be" but I know how easily you could have remained for so long, how easy it is to get caught up, and the time passes so quickly. I feel for you, your pain, your moments of heartbreak, and how they are all erased when you are with him. We know this isn't a healthy way to lead our lives, we deserve more than this - we KNOW this, right? But, it's so hard to let go, to move forward and away.<br />
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To all the ladies who have found themselves in this situation: we didn't plan on ever becoming the other woman, somehow the choices we made led us to this. I pray we have the strength to somehow untangle ourselves from something that makes us feel so wonderful but hurts us so much at the same time.

I know your pain 10x over. I've been with my married man 19 years now. I love him with all my being.He says he loves me the same. I do know he loves me. More than he has loved anyone before. He has been married for 32 years. His wife knows about me. She has caught him at my house several times over the years. He is a very self centered man and he too loves himself more than anyone. He tells me all the same things, no sex at home, he and the wife sleep in seperate beds, he wants to leave her but can't because of a family business. They all have the same excusses. I am single and for 19 years i fell i have put my life on hold for this man. I have dated no one else. We are toghter a few hours every day, but itss not enough. We are to old for these games. It never gets easier, but leaving for your own sake is the only answer, finding the strenght to do that is another story. I am 45 and my married man is 59.

I've been with my married man for 10 months. When we first got together I was married, too. I left my husband of 11 years. He still won't do anything. He swears they're not having sex and have separate bedrooms. She goes through his phone records so it's difficult to talk. It's hard to see each other outside of work. He says he loves me and plans to marry me. He has a date set. He says everything will happen when it needs to happen. He can't rush the divorce because he wants to make sure he protects himself financially. He's terrified of losing his boys, too. He also complains about my childrens behavior in the background of the phone calls. Anyway, I understand the pain. I left my husband. He still won't leave his wife. I suppose there is a chance he never will. In the meantime I am a mistress. Something I never would have thought I'd be.

That is the same way I feel with my Gary. It must be in the name LOL! I agree with the previous post! We need to support each other any way we can to leave these men. I know they tell us that they love us but they are not capable of loving us as much as they love themselves. In my case (I am still married but would had left) he didn't leave because of financial reasons. He has no kids with his wife and he still would leave her for me. I just don't get it. They are such opposites and we are the perfect match. I haven't spoken to my married man in over a year and I'm still hurting like crazy. Some days are good and some are bad. I guess it will take time. Hang in there, you did the right thing! Peace & Love to u dear! :)

Hi Lanya, you have written my pain I am feeling, I am in the same shoe. Few people understand that we cried alone when we cannot see him. Most people are judgmental about it. <br />
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My story is similar to yours. I never thought I would end-up being a woman in the dark. Only people who have gone through it knows the struggle we are in….that is why I end up in this site.

I love to see married women accept a drink from me <br />
msg me hot wife will happy with me <br />
alabdullahabdulla@yahoo.com

This is a tough one .... we don't choose who we "love" ... it develops ... and when we are vulnerable .. we can be hurt ...<br />
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Best I can say is involve yourself in improving your life .. You can love this man ... even if you cannot co-exist with him under the same roof ... that is "his issue" to come to terms with ... We can change ourselves ... but not others. Love can bring us to heaven or the depths of hell ... I relate, I understand and I am sending you blessings that you may continue to love this man, while maintaining a happy, uplifting environment for yourself ... easy to say, hard to do.<br />
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When my mind goes to areas I have no control over ... I reflect on how much happier I am that a certain situation has evolved in my life, no matter the circumstances .. I stop thinking about what could be and accept the what is ... Life comes around once and I have learned ... for a woman my age, 61, ha ... that every day is a gift and I am worth so much to myself and to my Almighy.<br />
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When we are happy, we make others happy.<br />
If you are sad or down .. this man will feel sad and down...<br />
Most importantly ... you are a wonderful, beautiful soul and will reflect these positive attributes to the world ... when you believe in yourself ..