My First Love Found Me On Fb But He Is Married!

If I were a betting woman, never in a million years would I guess I would find myself here.  7 months ago I was minding my own business.  Building my life with my children.  Growing my home business not interested in dating. I got out of a not so great marriage and have been happy just being free for over 5 years. 

I am on facebook but only for networking and friendships. NO dating.  That is when a guy asked me out for drinks.  He was very interesting so I wiggled around and decided to go.  At the same time my first boyfriend contacted me after almost 30 years.  He was a great guy. We never fought but just somehow faded apart. 

He was coming into town and wanted to get together for lunch.  I felt there was no harm in it and even felt he would help me prepare to meet the other guy for the date.  I needed to practice and since he was married I felt he was totally safe.  We began talking but not often.  He arranged for us to meet for a sporting event...then reminded me that  our first date was very similar.   I met him, and instantly felt a teeny bit like kicking myself.  He was handsome, fun, tall, well built, kind as ever...(but married) I was so envious but ever aware of his wife. 

We had a delightful evening catching up. No funny business.  He did reach out his hand to touch mine at one point but it was not making a move, it was more a kind gesture for the conversation.  We hugged goodbye and he asked if we could get together again before he left. 

I went home so happy, we talked about why we broke up.  It released me from a lifetime of wondering. 


I was not expecting that he would have an epiphany.  He said that night he realized I was THE woman he has been dreaming of his entire life.  Figuratively and literally. We began talking, he wanted to work together to write a book or a song or do something big. He felt there was a purpose for us to be in contact.  I was excited to have his friendship and realized the visit opened up all those old wonderful free feelings.  BUT he was married.  IS married!  He is married with 2 kids.  His wife is very kind, not very pretty but very very good to him.  But he does not feel IN LOVE. He is devoted to his family but is now having his feelings open up.  We are walking a very tight rope at this point.  We fortunately do not live in the same state so an active physical affair is not possible.  

We began talking and talking for hours...via chat.  He persued me like any woman would dream a man would.  I began to forget he was married.  We both did.  We arranged to see each other again before he left to go back home.  We kissed.  We could not stop.  We fell in and deep.  He went home, told his wife he was not in love with her.  She already knew.  They are staying together for at least 2 years due to logistics...(and other things)  Meanwhile he is trying to convince me that he wants to spend his life with me. 

He contacts me daily, is arranging his life to make room for me and I want to be with him.


The thing that gets me is...what I am doing is really really ******.  Falling in love with a married man.  There are no 2 ways to slice it. 


I love him, he loves me.  He is married. Period end of story.

HeFoundMeOnFB HeFoundMeOnFB
41-45, F
11 Responses Feb 1, 2010

Are you interested in telling your story in a documentary about infidelity? A lot of people would love to hear your point of view! I'd love to discuss the opportunity further. Please email me at

Are you interested in telling your story in a documentary about infidelity? A lot of people would love to hear your point of view! I'd love to discuss the opportunity further. Please email me at

My boyfriend and I were together for a year. We had a great relationship. Never argued, no pressure, always having fun. Neither of us have baggage. I am independent with a great job, no kids, never been married, and he told me I was the best woman he ever been with and he didn't deserve me because I treated him so well. My relationship before him was abusive and he knew that and he knew I had trust issues. About a month ago he says, "let me in and lets just do this and make this work. Let's think about a future." The whole while he was talking to a friend on FB and flirting. I knew somewhat of her because he would mention her but I asked would he stop and he taking his word he said he did. Three weeks after this conversation I conceded and told him I loved him. I had to think about it hard. 8 hours later he said he didn't want to be with me because he wanted to be with the girl from FB who lived in Puerto Rico, had children, no good job, and was possessive and obsessive. We tried to be friends but she found out and she made him stop talking to me and he has cut off half of his friends from FB and told me he hated me. FB and other social networking sites are the demise of a committed relationship AND maybe one day in a six months to a year I will be where you are at with him reaching out to me on FB because he misses me and realized he made a mistake and I will be writing about this from your point of view. Either way, if he cheated on her with you what says he will not do the same to you?

I so applaud you !!!!! i know how very difficult that is.... have done the same - i am still a bit freaked out, but live with it and with my life and my wonderful husband !!

Thank you all for commenting. <br />
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It was nice to come here and be real, and get the smack down. <br />
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I am proud to say, HE IS WITH HIS WIFE...He has a better relationship than ever with his children and we have made it a priority to make his family a priority. I removed myself from being friends with him on FB. He lives in another state so we do not ever see each other. We do keep up via phone call or email from time to time but we only speak of things that his wife would be comfortable reading.<br />
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I value family and never wanted to ever cause pain for his. I sucked up my feelings and choose not to act on them what so ever. <br />
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I feel in life we do reap what we sow. <br />
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Life dealt me, him, them a twist and we recovered well. <br />
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His relationship with his wife is good by all accounts. Yes they have a passionate intimate relationship, yes they have vacations together and eat dinners together etc etc...all the trimmings of a healthy family. <br />
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I was able to focus on the fact that yes perhaps we could have been a great couple...but that simply was not our destiny.<br />
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I am still not dating by choice. This experience freaked me out a bit. I felt feelings that I would have advised anyone to avoid. So, I take care of my family, my home and my business and I am staying out of theirs.<br />
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Facebook...WOW! It can be really really good, but as with anything it also can be destructive.

ma"am just a 18 year kid....i think you should not fall in love with him because he as a father and is having a family to support. if you are the reason of spoiling someone's happiness than you don't deserve happiness too ! think of his wife and children, what will they think of their father ! a man is greedy of se* . this thing never ends through his entire life.. whether he truly loves you or not , you should clearly say him to not get closer... its a very bad thing

I would like an update of has happened and what did you two do?

I can so identify with your situation! The only difference is he TOLD his wife whereas in my situation, he will never say a word to her of his dissatisfaction with the "life" they call a marriage. The only child they have together is the child she had from a prior marriage...sad to say he passed away. Her purpose from what I've seen is to marry a hard-working man who can give her citizenship to America. He had no other offers at the time so he took it. And now he is paying the consequences. She is a royal *****, treats him like slave labor, so much so that he has no desire to EVER make love with her again. He tells her it's because his equipment isn't working...oh it's working I know for sure, just not for her. But he will not leave her, ever. So I am stuck where you are.

Test the relationship. I would not have intimacy with him until he is divorced .. Or - at best, until you are married to him ..

All is fair in love and war. However, be prepared to be blasted on. "Other women" meet more judgement on EP than any other group I've seen. <br />
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If you two really want to be together, be together. Make it right--he should leave his wife and then you can explore the possibility of a relationship together. Marriages end everyday, and I for one don't always think it is a tragedy. Some things just don't last forever, ...actually, few things do.<br />
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You don't want to be the "other" woman forever. Men tend to drag these things out as long as possible, having their cake and eating you too, so to speak. Know what you want but don't be naive. <br />
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Enjoy it while it is good.

At least he has been open with his wife and told her. You have issues to resolve around this but we all deserve to be happy and content. This life is not a practice for another. I would say go for it!!!!

I am feeling in exactly the same position. I found my first love after being trapped in an unhappy marriage with a man who had 2 affairs. FL texts me everyday, rings me every day - we have rediscovered a deep bond, both friendly and sexual, although he lives several states away - he speaks to me in ways which are incredible. We have not met and I have no idea what to do. I have not asked about his wife as I kind of want to pretend she doesn't exist. My husband had 2 affairs and it was heartbreaking, but I stayed with him for the sake of my kids. Now I have recovered from all that and I want to know if me and FL should be together - I recognise that he will be having his cake and eat it for a while, but he misses me so much and I miss him. Why can it just never be simple? and I get fed up of people saying you will find someone special for yourself - I wonder when exactly that might be?
Yes, what you are doing may be wrong, but then it may not be. who is to say really - I am giving it time, and not treatinh him as exclusive, but I miss him.
You have my total sympathy - hopefully, it will all work out for you.