How I Fell In Love With An Alcoholic...

My title isn't very creative. But the truth is plain...

I met my boyfriend (I'll just call him 'J') in November of 2010 at our mutual work place. I was instantly attracted to him but was too shy to initiate conversation. After a few months, I moved into a new house with some coworkers of mine and one of these coworkers happened to be friends with J. He started coming around every once in a while and I learned more and more about him. He had recently had a son and lived with his, then girlfriend. After a few weeks, he opened up to me after I found him on our living room couch asleep at 9 am one morning. He shared with me the fact that he was unhappy and leaving his girlfriend. His face was overtaken by guilt because he felt he was failing his son by not wanting a relationship with his mother. I did my best to comfort him and ensure him to follow his heart and he did. Or so I thought...

Shortly after this, J began sending me text messages, flirting with me and inviting the idea of dating. I invited him over to hang out one night... and our story began.

I fell head over heels in love with J quicker than I had ever fell for anyone in my life. After one night, I felt like I had known him forever and never wanted to leave his side. But I was afraid, and he was too. We began to spend more and more time together and as or relationship progressed, I noticed a pattern. J could never drink without getting drunk. There was never going out to have a "couple" drinks. It always started that way but ended with me helping him into bed or being lavished repetitively with words of love and compassion followed by drunken sex.
I took him in when he was thrown out of his house. He lived with me for a week and was drunk nearly every night, before the day I came home from school to find him and all of his things, gone.

He went to Florida to visit his family... and in their undying concern, they begged him into rehab. J didn't stay long and didn't stick with the program. And shortly after he stopped going to "rehab", I found out he had been cheating on me the entire time we were together.
In anger and fury, I wrote him letters telling him to never speak to me again. I cried for days and never left my home. I, myself, fell into drinking for a short time just to escape the pain of him.

Months went by and I found myself back into his arms. He led me to believe that he had his drinking under control but yet he was still getting drunk just about every night. Until the day I got the phone call... the one no woman ever wants to get. "Hi... this is J's sister. He's in the hospital." The love of my life had passed out in the living room of his home with an almost-empty fifth of liquor and a gun in his hand.

J got out of rehab 2 days ago. He's been clean for almost a month and is living in a sobriety house. I love him more than I ever could have imagined I would and all I want is to be by his side throughout this long journey we have ahead of us. But I found out he's lying to me again and I can't help but want to put his health ahead of our relationship and deal with knowing he is sneaking around behind my back just for the sake of his sobriety.

For the rest of my life, alcohol will never touch my lips if it means that he will be happy and healthy for the rest of our lives together. I turn 21 in less than 6 months... but if I'm never able to purchase a bottle or take a sip of liquor again, it will all be worth it just to have him healthy.
StandTall StandTall
18-21, F
Jun 25, 2011