The Unforgiving Glare of the Spotlight.

My father was very famous and flamboyant.  I grew shy and insecure in his shadow.  I hid from others within a protective veneer - afraid that if anyone came to know me they would be repulsed.  My infatuation with self-destruction was like suicide on the installment plan.  Then, a miracle of sorts.  My Manic episodes externalized all my demons, loosing them on the landscape.  I had no secrets anymore.  In time, as I came to know and like myself - I grew comfortable with the idea of sharing the real me and being absolutely indifferent to the opinion of others.  Now I "perform" almost constantly, creatively, communicating with people in my words, art, daily life.  In sum - I allow them to enjoy me, or, more precisely, I allow them to enjoy me enjoying being myself.  You see, the thing I got wrong all those years was - I thought the guy on the stage was the big shot, getting the girls and the attention, I thought it was all about him.  Now that I'm there, comfortable with all the attention I receive, what I realize is that it's not about the guy on the stage at all, he's a servant.  It's about his responsibility to the people in the seats.  That's where the craft comes in, that's why you practice - so that you can reach them.   
ElLagarto ElLagarto
56-60, M
1 Response Jun 19, 2007

Excellent - you've got it! My husband the jazz pla<x>yer never learned this.