I Hated Back Rubs, But He's Changing My Mind

I have some pretty hilariously astounding erotophobia. In general, I avoid dating, direct eye contact (I've trained myself to look at eyebrows, mouths, etc) and of course touching is a big no no. I generally hiss and make scrunchy faces at the thought of a back rub and never let my partners give them to me. It's totally the PTSD, but I hate exposing my back to someone and being even slightly defenseless.

That being said, there's this guy I've been friends with for a long time. A few months back he came out he had feelings for me, had for a few years, but my irrational fears got the better of me and I citied my inability to touch or being intimate as a reason for not proceeding forward. Like a gentleman he rolled with it all just fine, still hanging out, platonically enjoying my company, and not dropping the proverbial 'why are you friend zoning me' line that I've grown to hate. Hanging out watching netflix..and ... smoking some lady mary jane the other night very very late... I jokingly stretched out across the couch blabbering on something about needing his couch space and taking over. He started rubbing my shoulders, then my back, talking the whole time about funny anecdotes from his childhood to Neil Degrasse tyson. I listened to him for hours, literally, chiming in whenever I felt capable. He went to chiropractic school, spinal stuff was his favorite, he could trace over my back with one finger and suddenly press into a spot that even I was unaware was tight or sore, and my whole back instantly felt better. In no time at all he about reduced me to putty. I ended up passing out curled up against him.This isn't my first rodeo, but I think it's about the sexiest thing that's happened to me, and if I didn't share it with some anonymous body my head might explode. I had no idea I could be placated so easily, and I'm seeing this guy in a more and more desirable light all the time.

Moral of the story is, you friend zoned guys? Don't despair.
FewWords FewWords
22-25, F
2 Responses Jan 12, 2013

So, the best thing to do is get a woman drunk or stoned and then start? Hmm... rather not do that. LOL :)

Way to go. We need the physical contact--even (or especially) we loners. I remember when young, recoiling when my parents would put an arm around me; they were never abusive in any way--I just detested being touched.

When I started working again, after months of emotional isolation, it was a shock to meet genuinely caring people. A co-worker hugged me at one point (nothing intense or deep, just a friendly thing), and I almost cried. It's still an obstacle for me to overcome, but worth it.