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Random Band Jokes

so in my band class in high school, our teacher tells a TON of band jokes :D i only remember a few, and if your not a band person, good luck trying to understand a few XD oh and some might not seem funny cause its probably one of "ya had to be there" type of jokes

-what does it mean when drool runs down both sides of a drummers face? the stage is level
- how many flute players does it take to figure out a metronome? more then 3 (in band we were supposed to practice with a metronome and theres only 3 flute players including me and we couldnt get the thing to work right! so my friend made up that joke....)
*director hears police sierens* drummers run! the police are coming for ya!
*class comes in to classroom, director starts talking about how 33 light bulbs were replaced* director- the drummers are probably going "ooohhhhhh shiny!"
-if a person cant play an insturments, give them 2 sticks and send them to the back(percussion). if they cant do that take 1 stick away and send them up front (conductor)
-if your lost who do you ask for directions, the out of tune saxaphone player, the in tune saxaphone player, or santa claus?
the out of tune because the other 2 dont exist
-How do concert band flute players does it take to change a lightbulb?
They ask their boyfriend to do it for them.  
-How many flute players does it take to change a lightbulb?
Only 1, but she'll break 10 bulbs before she realizes they can't be pushed in.  
-how do you tune 2 piccolos? you shoot one
-what do you call a good flute section? impossible
A man walked out to a meat store looking for some brains for dinner. He looked at the selections:
Flute Brains, $1/lb
Tuba Brains, $10/lb
Percussion Brains, $5/lbThen he saw a sign that read:
Clarinet Brains, $100/lb
He asked the butcher why clarinet brains were so expensive. The butcher replied, "Do you know how many clarinets you have to kill to get a pound of brains?"
-How do you know when a clarinet player is at your house?
They don't know where to enter and what key to use. 
-what do you call a line set up by clarinetts? a circle
-what is the dynamic range of the bass tromebone? on or off
-How can you tell which kid on a playground is the child of a trombonist? He doesnt know how to use the slide and he cant swing
-why do bands have bass players? to translate for the drummers
-how many trumpet players does it take to screw in a lightbulb? none, they just complain until a trombone player does it for them.
-how do you get a trumpet player to play fff? you mark mp in the music

Which is the ideal place to practise on a tenor-saxophone?

A: In Saddam Husseins bedroom.
B: Five fathoms under the surface of the Pacific Ocean.
C: In a deserted coal mine.
D: None of the above.
Correct answer: D: None of the above. A saxophone-player never, but never practises. The risk of learning to play is much too great.  



if more come up ill post them...but they are pretty much those jokes you have to be there to think their funny, and some are probably rephrased and most of these came from this website :D  http://www.angelfire.com/band/laughs/
i didnt make them up!  and i dont got anything against any insturment, i play everyone of the insturments that there is a joke about above  (except guitar)
            
myfishy myfishy 16-17, F Oct 27, 2010

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