A Jar Of Vaseline

I'm not sure where I got the idea that Vaseline was a sex lube...

But it probably came as a result of an unfortunate incident in the bathtub when I was a kid. I'm not sure how old I was, but it was pre-puberty. I had washed myself with soap and somehow (probably after becoming erect) gotten soapsuds in the tip of my penis. It stung.

But never so much as when I tried to pee. It REALLY stung. I loudly complained to my mom, who ran downstairs to consult with my dad. I didn't hear his response, but the answer came back to smear some Vaseline petroleum jelly in the tip to soothe it. I was told "that's what Daddy does when this happens to him.

It worked. Not immediately, but the pain faded. Perhaps it was because it closed air out from the irritated tissues.

Later, when I was older, I found a jar of Vaseline in my mother's nightstand. It didn't register at the time why it was there, but later on, I suspected it was a sex lube.

Even later, when I had read Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex, there was a clear warning against using petroleum jelly with latex, rubber or condoms. I never forgot it. But it also clinched it that it could be used as a sex lube, and that's what I thought it was for when I found it.

Sometime after my soap sting, I was learning to **********, and found another jar on the shelf in the bathroom closet. I dipped a finger in it, and used it to lube up my **** in the shower. Now, being a creative guy, I figured out a way to rub my **** on the vinyl shower liner...but it needed lube. I was not going to try soap, but the Vaseline jelly was just right.

I trapped the head of my **** against the plastic liner and slid it back and forth across the liner. It was so intense that I bucked and flinched, and couldn't continue it any more. So I went back and forth in smaller, short swaths, and then I came so intensely that my knees buckled. I almost fell to the bottom of the tub.

Then, another summers evening, I was up in the bathroom, getting ready to jack off, when my mother called us down to dinner. I had just coated my **** with jelly, but didn't want to waste it, so I just slipped it, still coated, into my undershorts, pulled up my pants, and washed my hands.

I bounded down to supper, and sat in my chair. I attempted to sit still and eat, but the heat was getting to me. I decided that I had to deal with the heat in my pants, so I excused myself and went to the downstairs small bathroom. I dropped my drawers and wiped as much of the jelly off my **** as I could. Then I flushed the evidence away and got dressed again.

When I went back to the kitchen to eat, my mom asked me if everything was OK, and embarrassed, I said yes. Then I realized that I had never gotten up from the table before, and it was a red flag for my mom that something was amiss. I never fessed up.

But I also realized that I might have left some evidence, some finger prints, or a swipe of my finger in the Jar of Vaseline that remained upstairs on the shelf. I worried about it, and resolved never to use my parents' sex lube again.

And I didn't, but I had to warn my girlfriend years later to never use Vaseline as a sex lube. It traps bacteria and eliminates air, making it a risk as a sex lube. This came up again when I read The Joy of Sex the first time.

It always amazes me how many people don't know the risks of Vaseline.
studfinder studfinder
56-60, M
1 Response Sep 14, 2012

back in the 70s i knew a guy that needed lub quick. he grabbed a jar out of the medicine cabnet, lubed up and dove in. the heat became unbarable. on closer examination; it was a small ble jar, it was not vasiline.
stick to lubs made for sex, ot what ever is handy.

I believe you are describing either vick's vaporub or something similar. I tends to give the feeling of heat as the vapors evaporate. It's used for breaking up chest congestion and soothe irritated mucus membranes, sinus and throat irritation with the vapors only. It's a sticky mess. He should have read the lable.

that was the jest of the story. don't let passion over ride common scense.