In Need Of Help

I am a lesbian female. I have been with my partner for a year now and recently the discussion that has surfaced is her sexual needs. She desires a dom.

I had no idea she was in to bdsm. As a matter of fact I was practically a virgin when I met her. She longs to be submissive. No control. I am very shy, and a little intimidated and scared, but I want to do this for her and for us. Problem is, where do I begin. In my head Ive started a scene. She walks into the room, I tell her to undress... annnnd blank. I've got nothing pass that. Honestly, I am clueless. Will someone please help? Provide a detailed scene, key factors... All in all. WHAT THE HELL DOES SHE WANT ME TO DO?

Your advice is much appreciated.
firsttimelasttime firsttimelasttime
22-25
4 Responses Dec 7, 2012

The very first think I would do is talk to her. Sit down and have a good long talk. Make sure she knows that you have no experience. This way, if at first you aren't that great (no offense, but it can take some time to develop naturally into the role) she'll understand and be patient with you. Also, find out if she has experience with this. If you're both new, then it will be an incredible experience discovering it together. If she has done this before, then it will still be a good experience for you, but it will be different, and you'll need to approach it differently. There are lots of different kinks inside the lifestyle, and you should know what her hard limits are. You don't want to spend all night learning how to use candles and wax, and then find out its a hard limit for her. Know if she wants a sexual dom, or a 24/7 lifestyle dom.<br />
Now that you have a bit of background, research. Watch bondage ****. Read blogs. Read the stories on here. Figure out what YOU are into. Then start slowly. I advise starting with rough sex, and name calling. Work your way up. Make her ask permission to ******. Find some toys that interest you both and use them for training. Do you do anal? Use things like that to your advantage. MAKE her please you. Be aggressive when you please her, and have her thank you for it.<br />
Most importantly, be safe, and have fun. Communication is key. If either of you is unhappy with anything you have to make that clear. And make sure this is right for you. I understand you want to do it to please her, but its not fair to either partner if you go into this half-assed and faking it.<br />
Good luck!

And in a strong tone of voice tell her to kneel down infront of you with her eyes down towards the floor. Tell her to put her hands behaind her back and due to this being the first time use an old neck tie or a bath robe sash snugly secure her hands and then you can start by telling her she is yours to for the night. Then try having her stay in certain position for a time. Light spanking on the rear is an idea. Trying out certain sex positions with her hand still secured is another. The ideas you can explore are endless. Work out a clear communication her and your feelings about this that is workable for you both. Just take it slow and easy, exploring this can be fun for you both. Just try to stay in charge while you are in scene and take care of her.

If this is a newer thing for her then she is probably just as clueless are you feel right now. But that can be a good thing too. It will let you both explore it at the same time. She has to know that you can't be expected to know it all right away. Spanking is a good start and there are so many levels of it that you can just take your time learning. Bondage is good too. Just be careful how you tie her. A lot of it is just the frame of mind you put her in. That can be as easy as telling her what you want her to wear for you. Tell her to go to the bedroom and be in a certain outfit and sitting, standing or laying in a certain position. Touch her but don't allow her to touch you until given permission. If you don't start out in bed, lead her to it.

Just explain to her that you want to do this for her but its going to take a little time for both of you to learn. It would help if she gave you the ideas in her head. Its not enough for you to try to be dominant for her. You have to know what that means to her. Its always different for each person.

I wish you the best of luck. And just have fun with it.

She is somewhat experienced in this, which is what makes it so intimidating. If she was brand new at this we could just muddle through together. She's told me what she likes its just the execution of it all.... A little timid about.

I would get some rope to start (make sure it is soft not scratchy and about the diameter of your pinky finger). You should wear something tight and revealing, sexy clothes. Having her naked and you dressed shows she is submissive to you. After you have her naked, you can tie her ankles together and her wrists behind her back. You could then take her over your lap for a spanking. After a nice spanking get her on the sofa or bed laying on her back. Rub her ***** a little and check if she is getting wet. You could then get on her face and make her lick you or if possible tie her to the bed spread out. If tied to the bed you can make her eat you, or 69, you can use a strap on or vibrator on her. A vibrator in her could be held in with tight panties, leave her like that for a while to endure some forced *******.

The possibilities are endless. You could look it up online and see what things others have done. When tying her up make sure the rope is tight enough that she can't get loose, she will have rope marks in her skin afterwards for a day or so. Be as creative as you can, you are going to tease and torment her in every way making her super horny and then in the end she will be begging you to give her the ******.

Look at some sex toys online also, they're great. A remote controlled vibrator can be good fun if you are out in public with it inside her and you have the remote.

Hope this helps some.

That sounds like fun. Thanks!