When I Am Alone

I might be an extreme case here because when I say I love being alone I actually mean it. I try to be alone as much as possible. It is nothing personal towards anyone but it is necessary for me. I actually like people, I just cannot be around them to long. I try not to put myself in situations where I cannot be alone but sometimes this cannot be helped(work, family events, etc.)

I will say that the longer I am around someone the more comfortable I will be around them, the problem is it usually takes a long time for me to feel that way about someone. The only reason I ever had a girlfriend was because she was my sisters friend growing up and I spent years talking to her. She got to know everything about me and accepted me for who I was. That relationship lasted a little over two years. She was great but I knew that she had an outgoing personality and wanted to go to clubs and bars and needed a large group of friends. I did not mind that she would go by herself, but after a while I started to feel I was missing a large part of her life. So after we tried what we could to find a balance to that situation it just fell apart. I admit I was a little bit of an ******* in the ways I tried to control the situation but this recognition led me to my admitting that a relationship with her would never work long term. I was not surprised when she told me she felt the same way so we decided to break up. I am happy that we were able to talk it out and not wind up hating one another. We are still good friends.

When I am around people I do not know the feelings I get border on "I got to get the hell out of here right now" to "Okay, I am not comfortable here but I can manage." These feelings I get can sometimes be exaggerated but they are real. It does not help my case that I have no clue what to talk about with people after about five to ten minutes. I get on a roll and then nothing. If you hear me talking for more then ten minutes it must be about a subject I am very knowledgeable with. In my dealings with people, no one wants to hear anyone ramble on and on about one subject. I am comfortable with speaking about a variety of subjects but I have a problem recognizing when someone has heard enough of what I am saying and wants to move on to another subject. I have had friends in my life but they were usually just people who felt sorry for me. I do not need anyone to feel sorry for me. I have a great family that not only understands me but accepts me as well. From about 20 on my family accepted the fact that there is nothing wrong with me and that I am happy with the fact that I can be alone for days, weeks, or months on end without any real human interaction. When I am work, all I think about is my sanctuary(my home). When I go to the store, same thing. When I go to the movies, you get it. When I am alone I do not feel pressured. I feel free in so many ways it's actually invigorating. 

My home is the only place that I can be myself. Think about it, when you are alone don't you act a little differently then you would if there were people around? Isn't it freeing to feel no ones judging eyes on you as you sing out loud, dance like a fool, talk to yourself, etc.?  Most people need only a small amount of time to be alone to feel balanced or refreshed.  They are well equipped to deal with things I simply cannot.  I need much more time alone or I start to get a little agitated.  The positive in all of this is the fact that I have found a sure fire way to feel at peace with this world and I love it. 
emarr1984 emarr1984
26-30, M
1 Response Oct 1, 2011

Bravo! To Thine Own Self Be True! Always....