Suggestive Sales-- When All I Want Is A Friggin Coffee :D
Listen, PersonBehindTheCounter.. You see me often enough to know that my left ear is surely a 1/4 inch higher than my right because my glasses are slightly tilted every time I walk past you. I bring in my 'refill' cup every time. I buy the same 50 cent honeybun that we both know i should have left on the shelf- every time I'm in. I am wearing the same company uniform every time you lay eyes on me. And I know you see that I'm a sweaty second away from wetting myself because I am sooo looking forward to this fragrant cup of Juan Valez' ball sweat that is encased in this cylindrical foam container right here in my hand. It calls to me.
You know me.
I also say "NO, I'm too fat already" every time you offer those D*mn M&M's two-for-a-dollar- especially considering I already have that delicious honeybun right on the counter between us, keeping you in a job, and rendering my conscience guilty. Are you seriously trying to push me off the cliff here?
Now... have you observed me over there in the corner P90X-ing myself this past week? No you haint, and I haint lost a pound. In fact, I may have put on a pound sitting at home idly munching while contemplating the various ways I could fracture your suggestive selling shins without getting nabbed.
So my friend, I don't care if they're peanut or plain, because you're making me plain nutty. And tomorrow as I exit the store with my fragrant coffee, and you are left frantically trying to excavate your fancypants ID tag from your left ear- just know that I will be feeling a little more chipper.
Also, bear in mind that i work for a tree trimming company and if I see your maw crack open to mutter those inane words at me tomorrow, please realize that I will immediately be thinking...
One. Last. Time.
'Salsa out. :-)