Jerome Carpet.

My story of awesomeness took place while I was in my house watching Saved By The Bell. It was probably the funniest episode ever. Zack Morris was causing mischief as always. I was laughing violently at the screen when I was un-rudely interrupted by my dear friend, Jerome. “Oh.....hey.....Jerome.”, I said nearly out of breath from laughing so hard at Zack Morris's mischief. ” I'm just watching “the bell”. Jerome answered saying “Oh no, is Mr. Belding fuming? Zack really gets his goat huh?” I nodded. Jerome continued saying after the long pause “Hey Nick remember my charity drive I had last year, ya know the one for people suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from jet-ski accidents?” I replied “ah yes, your mother told me about that, what about it?”
“Weeeeell, I borrowed money from what I thought was a church group, but it was actually the mafia.” I felt bad for my friend but I remember the day well when we met this “church” and I told him it was suspicious. I don't know many churches that meet an Italian restaurant for service and come to church armed “ I can't help you Jerome, you got yourself into this mess and I warned you. Jerome started to tell me they had him tied up in a chair and the chair was uncomfortable. I felt bad for the guy but I wouldn't get involved. What is the worse that they could do to him. I had enough on my plate today anyways watching Zack being so mischievous. Jerome remembered something they had said to him. “Well, come think of it, they did mention that they were gonna paint the walls with my brains.” I'm stunned at this point and respond with “Good God most high!, what color are the walls now?” He replied “Its like a light blue right now, kind of like an ocean mist blueish color” . “Well, whats the carpet situation? I hope its a beige, or wood floors for that matter.” My mind is racing at this point fearing for the worst. “ The carpet is Sand Dollar.” he answered coldly. I sat in silence, pondering my next move. Should I help Jerome even though he is a fool, and caused …..mischief. Just then I noticed the television set was still on. The Saved By The Bell episode was winding down. And in that scene A.C. Slater was having a heart to heart with Zack. He was forgiving him for the mischief he had caused that day. They shook hands, and the picture froze, and credits rolled. Like the tears rolling down my face. “I'm coming Zack...I'm coming, I mean Jerome.” “okee doke see ya in a bit. I'm in their church, Its free canolli night with purchase of meal!” With that I hung up the phone and just before I stepped out, I looked at A.C. for a moment, I winked and left.
I drove as fast as I could weaving in and out of traffic honking constantly . . I arrived, I pulled in slowly and exited my car. There it stood in front of me, Home Depot. I ran in and was greeted by two gals. I asked them where the carpeting was. They immediately tried to upsell me with a membership card. I told them I wasn't interested. They would not point me the way to the carpet section. They kept pressing me and I lost my mind. My mind initiated panic mode. “ LISTEN! MY FRIEND IS IN A TERRIBLE SITUATION RIGHT NOW, AND IF I DON'T KNOW WHERE THE CARPET IS THERE WILL BE AWFUL HOME DECORATING DESCISIONS” I took a deep breath. They replied with “ You get free paneling if you spend over 500 dollars this month.” I sprinted away. I was in a mad search for the carpet. I would not let these people make such a terrible decision for their wall color and carpet. I found another man in long aisle. This aisle had pipes everywhere. It had small pipes big pipes, big-small pipes. There were toilets on the walls and baths on the ceiling. I said to him “WHERE IS THE DARN CARPET...”( I looked at his name tag) TOM!” Tom simply said “ I work in plumbing, I could help you find galvanized steel pipes, copper pipes, polybutylene pipes, pvc pipes, toilet flaps....” He went on. I couldn't understand a word this being named Tom was saying. “ NO TIME!!” I yelled. And I was off again.
What kind of crazy world is this Home Depot. I've seen things here I have never seen before. I have interacted with people who were really strange I wandered in a amazement and speed as I searched for the carpet. I searched for a long time. I was tired of walking and tired of being offered membership cards. Everyone I talked to wanted me to sign up. I dragged myself to the ceiling fan section where a man was leaning against a wall reading a newspaper. “ Can I help you?” he asked. Wow, the first guy to actually help me. “ I need carpet, like a greyish carpet, not berber.” I said desperately. “oh here its is. Is that all ?” The relief I felt was so great. “ Thank you sir! You were my greatest help of all. What is your name kind sir?” “ My names Albert...Albert Clifford.”
I paid for the carpet after being hassled again for the membership card and raced out to the restaurant. I ran in and found Jerome. He was alone. The gangsters were no where in sight. “Evenin'” Jerome said as he was tied to the chair. I looked around and noticed the walls were a mess. The carpet didnt match. And I could see why they wanted to paint this room. But this carpet would not go with brains, especially Jerome's brains. So I quickly laid the carpet down and just as I finished six armed men busted in. “Hey kid! What you doing here ? This jerome guy owes us money. It looks like we'll have to kill the both of yas.” He started walking toward us. Just then one of the henchmen interrupts “wait a minute.. is this new carpet?” “ It is. I heard you guys were going to paint the walls with his brains and it sounded like you guys needed help coordinating carpet with wall color. It can be tough I know. I figured this grey with the brains on the wall would give you guys a comforting work area without feeling to suffocating. I find it very helpful in my own office.” They looked around. The lowered their guns and looked at eachother. The boss said “ You know, you're alright kid, you too boys get on outta here if you know whats good for yas. The debts off .Beat it!” I untied Jerome and we walked out. “ Ya know they were gonna kill me, AND THEN paint the walls with my brains. They would have to kill me in order to do that. You know that right?” Jerome said. “shut up Jerome” I said with a chuckle.”
TheGuyNamedNicky TheGuyNamedNicky
18-21, M
1 Response Apr 7, 2012

XD you have a very original sense of humor. I loved reading this.

LOL I'm glad someone actually read it. Thanks.