Saved My Life

I went through a really hard time during the summer going into my sophomore year and in the middle of my sophomore year. I was battling with depression. My "friends" would constantly ditch me, post on my Facebook wall to hangout but when I tried to text or call they ignored me, and I heard they were talking bad about me too and making up lies. Also during my 10th grade year, all of my school friends left to go to an online school because they were behind in grades. When they left my highschool, they never really talked to me or hungout with me and would tell people they didn't wanna hangout with me cuz of "insert lie here." I had no friend, nobody to sit with at lunch, hangout with outside, and it really killed me when i saw them on Facebook all hanging out while I'm at home. So I just started slipping into a depression, I never went to school ever, my daily routine was sleep, get up and eat and go smoke a cigarette or if I had weed I would ( I wasn't abusing it I just smoked back then and it was something to do home alone.) But if I found alcohal in my house I would sit in my room and drink and just get drunk. I only made it to one final exam and bombed it horribly. But the thing that really hurt was my mom never knew or noticed, like I wasn't exactly trying to call out for attention or help but it would've been nice of one person would've said "are you okay" or something along the lines. I even would go days without eating and then binging and I would sit in my room at night and slide a razor blade across my legs and replay everything I did wrong that day or even that year. I just didn't wanna do anything and then I was going through youtube and saw that demi lovato had a new song, skyscraper. When I heard that song I immediately fell in love I felt like she was almost singing to me. So I started looking her up more and watching interviews about what all she went through and how she overcame everything and I just felt like if she could go through so much and over come it and then come out to the media and public and openly tell everyone what she went through, then maybe I can get through this. I would listen to skyscraper daily and when I felt down I would watch an interview or listen to one of her songs. I started looking at things differently, I hungout with a new group of friends from my work and started doing something about my grades I messed up. I never told anyone except for two of my friends about my cutting and depression but I pulled myself out of my depression. I still feel sometimes like cutting or really down and just not doing anything, but I'm happy. My friends try to make fun of me for listening to her but I don't care because she helped me through everything and I feel like I owe it to her to support her, even if she doesn't know me lol. My dream is to meet her, I think my life honestly would be complete if I did. But I just find it amazing how she saves so many lives and we don't even have to meet her, that's so powerful. Anyways sorry about my long story, just wanted to share.
Carlyanne Carlyanne
22-25, F
1 Response Aug 1, 2013

this is story is amazing!!!! so proud of you for overcoming your problems like Demetria did!! you're amazing :)