Voodoo ****

This was always one of my favorites.
(Copied and pasted from a website, so don't blame me for any grammar or spelling mistakes.)


There was this businessman who was getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort, so he thought he'd try to get her something to keep her occupied while he was gone, because he didn't much like the idea of her screwing someone else.

So he went to a store that sold sex toys and started looking around. He thought about a life-sized sex doll, but that was too close to another man for him. He was browsing through the ******, looking for something special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man behind the counter. He explained his situation, the old man "Well, I don't really know of anything that will do the trick. We have vibrating ******, special attachments, and so on, but I don't know of anything that will keep her occupied for weeks, except..." and he stopped."

"Except what?"

"Nothing, nothing."

"C'mon, tell me ! I need something!"

"Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is the 'voodoo ****.'"

"Voodoo ****?"

The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out an old wooden box, carved with strange symbols. He opened it, and there lay a very ordinary-looking *****. The businessman laughed, and said "Big ******* deal. It looks like every other ***** in this shop!"

"Ahh, but you haven't seen what it'll do yet."

He pointed to a door and said "Voodoo ****, the door."

The voodoo **** rose out of its box, darted over to the door, and started screwing the keyhole. The whole door shook with the vibrations, and a crack developed down the middle. Before the door could split, the old man said

"Voodoo ****, get back in your box!"

The voodoo **** stopped, floated back to the box and lay there, quiescent once more.

The businessman said, "I'll take it!"

The old man resisted, saying "it isn't for sale", but he finally surrendered to $700 in cash. The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a special ***** and that to use it, all she had to do was say...

"Voodoo ****, my *****."

He left for his trip satisfied that things would be fine while he was gone.

After he'd been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably horny. She thought of several people who would willingly satisfy her, but then she remembered the voodoo ****. She got it out, and said "Voodoo ****, my *****!" The voodoo **** shot to her crotch and started pumping. It was great, like nothing she'd ever experienced before.

After three *******, she decided she'd had enough, and tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing worked. Her husband had forgot to tell her how to shut it off. So she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help. She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive to the hospital, quivering with every thrust of the *****. On the way, another ****** nearly made her swerve off the road, and she was pulled over by a policeman. He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink. Gasping and twitching, she explained that she hadn't been drinking, but that a voodoo **** was stuck in her *****, and wouldn't stop screwing.

The officer looked at her for a second, and then said:

"Yea, right. Voodoo ****, my ***!"
ImpromptuJill ImpromptuJill
22-25, F
Jul 9, 2010