Fantasy & Fact
Fantasising about being in a relationship with a dominant woman has been part of my life since puberty. I do not know whether it is genetic or primarily environmentally-determined, though I suspect the latter. There is no need to explore the roots of it. Being rather repressed in my adolescence (I went to a boys only school and partly as a consequence found it difficult to (a) meet and (b) relate & communicate sensibly with women.To accentuate this, I was successful in passing an entrance exam to enter one of Britain's oldest university, then male-dominated with ratio of about one woman to every 10 men. The drive was there, the libido was there and I had to cope with it somehow. Consequently, the imagery of being taught and instructed by authoritarian and 'strict' women was the main way of obtaining release.
In my twenties, this was probably less necessary and I don't have much recall of it but it never disappeared and I was unable to banish the fantasies even during my marriage. It probably did not help that my partner, though very loving, was too generous and accommodating, rarely if ever, saying no to my sexual demands - that were terribly selfish.
I developed a kind of avatar or female doppelganger. She was based on the mother of one of my unrequited affairs (for reasons stated above, there had been many of these between the years 18-22). What could have been my very own 'Mrs Robinson' was born about 1928 and about 20 years older. Obviously, I am uncomfortable with the 'mother fixation' element in this, especially as I consider that my mother's attitudes to sex not irrelevant to my fantasies, though there s no resemblance to my fantasy woman.
The fact part occurred after my marriage ended in separation etc. I met a rather dominant lady from the West Midlands who took charge in the bedroom - and wherever she wanted to have sex and really opened my eyes - I was given a robust sexual education in how to please her in my late 40s when I really needed it in my teens. Nevertheless, I am very very grateful to her. She was almost perfect and I have some regrets about ending the relationship. But the man who wrote that the desire for a dominant woman is mainly about sex is right, I believe. When this, otherwise ideal dominant woman began to make plans about marriage and make me part of her family (a cast of thousands - well, many), including three children and a second father from her mother's second marriage, I took fright. There were other things that we did not have in common also, including that she pretended to be younger than she was so that our musical and entertainment tastes were far apart. I could never accept the sort of domme-bottom relationship where I handed over all my finances to my partner, for instance. But her play such as threatening to visit my place of work wearing only a raincoat; suggesting introducing forfeits for my mistakes or misdemeanours and proposing during a holiday in Amsterdam that we visit a sex shop and buy vibrators, yes, that was exciting.
Now I am in a mutually satisfying, balanced and loving relationship with a very good woman but who is only interested in mild foot fetishism. Still, I have retained the fantasy woman and developed a complex alternative life history with her. The episodes help me drop off to sleep!