Beanie Carol

I wore a beanie for my freshman and most of my sophomore years. For a while, it sort of defined me. People would know me as the David with the Beanie. Junior year I never wore it and it just sat in my drawer of my dresser for a long time.
I got into a fight with my ex a while back, and I was just heartbroken and crying on my couch. I go to my room and just kinda mope around digging through **** and I find this beanie. This beanie was my security blanket, it was my identifier. I put it on and look in the mirror and say to myself "where the **** were you, when I needed you dude?" "Why weren't you there?" So i kee it on and decide to go for a walk, which is something I've done regularly ever since this incident.
I live by fields, in somerton. So I walk out about 3 miles behind my house into these fields and along the way I'm just mad and need to blow off some steam. I decide to just RUN! Just RUN for as long as I can and as fast as I can. So I do and when I stop I just keep on walking. Not looking back.
The sun begins to set, and I realize I should probably begin tostart heading back. So I finish the three miile mark and star heading back and I reach into my back pocket, where I had put the beanie while running to put it back on. It's gone. I'm panicking at this point. This thing was my everything. I loveed that beanie, more than any article of clothing I've ever owned, and now it gone! It's getting dark and i pull out my phone, desperately retracing my steps, looking for this beanie. I get about maybe half a mile back and my phone starts to die. I'm so sad and frustrated, but then I realize. "Wait a second. That beanie isn't me anymore. It WAS me, but look at me NOW! I'm no longer that scared, alone, misplaced kid. I'm almost an adult! I've grown so much since this. That David wasn't there when I needed him, because he's gone! He's no longer me!"
I had been talking to some Mormon Missionaries at the time as well, and they told me to pray whenever I need quesstions answered. I think to myself, I'm alone out in the middle of ******* nowhere. And just start yelling at the sky! " WHEN WILL YOU TELL ME WHO YOU ARE! WHERE ARE YOU!? SHOW YOUSURSELF! WHO AM I! WHY DOES MY GF TREAT ME SO!" and realize as I'm talking, that I can answer my own questions if I just listen to myself. That's when I discovered what prayer was. It was the act of asking questions repeatedly until you found your own answers. This was a little bit before christmas time, and as I was getting back into town i was still talking to myself out loud. A lady and her daughter were putting up christamas lights and as I walked by, they turned them on and they were musical. They played all the christmas classic songs and it just stopped me dead in my tracks.
From that moment on, I knew I was never going to be that same person again. =]
wolfcorpse33 wolfcorpse33
18-21, M
1 Response Jan 17, 2012

Great story! Finding out who we are and how we've grown is a great thing. But keeping in mind just how we got there is important as well.