The Long Cluck Ahead!!

Well these are going to be some of my last posts as I have finally got a date for Rehab, in 1 months time! But I have to detox before that! I am on 55mils Methadone, been on it 18years now! I have Mirtazapine for depression, and they are a sedative. But my real problems are what I buy in on the side, Cyclizine, and Nitrazepam/Valium. I am worst for the cyc, will go to ANY length to get them, Lie, Cheat
But I have had enough! When I can sit for over an hour repeatedly injecting myself or trying, I know I am not right. I need this help now, or I will be just like one of our mates, OD DEAD! How I have not OD@D recently, is a mystery to me! I guess tolerance. I've tried NA, and I understand what they are saying, but it is not for me!
The Rehab I went to look round is awesome! It is a therapeutic community. They get to the root of your problems with groups and counselling! Creative writing. art etc! I felt at home there, was made welcome by a girl from my hometown who has so turned her life around! I guess if she can do it, I can too! It is a gorgeous place in the middle of nowhere, so I will be snap happy with my camera, as art WAS my thing ONCE! IT ia a beautiful old house ,loads of rooms, everyone has duties and you work your way up the ladder!!
I am switching between writing lists, packing then blow out partying! I feel it is my last chance to use, and of course I need little enough excuse as it is!! The hardest thing for me, is my partner of 20years! He ia an addict too, so that means I am allowed NO CONTACT!I understand this but of course it saddens me! He has 6-9months to get well! I hope he can do it! He says he can, I am not so sure! But I hope!! So people while you score and goof remember me , doing without, wish me luck my friends as I sorely need it!! Catch you later! When I'm straight! Cool!
cath17 cath17
36-40, F
3 Responses May 18, 2012

I hope it works for you.

Good Luck!

Good luck Cath, you take this chance and go for it! It could be your only chance! It's great when your straight! Yeah! Catch you soon on the other side ;-) xxxxxxxxx