Just How It Is

I've been doing drugs for about two years now. I'm only at the ripe age of 17. I never thought i would ever do drugs becuase in elementary, middle and even high school parents and teachers would scare us and tell us how drugs effect the body and things but its because they never did them and only went with what a book said. Like with most people it started with weed, then i moved onto adderall but only sparingly. I tried about every painkiller and add/adhd medication out there, even generics. I've been addicted to ritalin(and adderall or if im out whatever i can get that day) for a year now. I do it everyday, because it helps me stay awake and usually deal with people. It keeps me semi-stable and helps with my anxiety because i have yet to get anxiety meds. I need those though, i dont just want them to support my habbit. I've done shrooms, acid, E, huffed dust off. But recently I've been shooting up heroine. I have only done it 5 times. twice was 'cotton rinses' tho. At first I was terrified, I have never shot up. I'm kind of affraid of needles, despite the on ones i get peirced with. I have read stories including 'The Heroine Diaries' by Nikki Sixx, so i was so scared but my friend talked me through it and I felt it wouldnt be so bad. I always say I'll try everything once. She messured it out, added the water and cotton, cooked it, drew it up into the needle, got the air out, wrapped the tourniquet around my arm, picked one of my unusually large veins, put the needle in, undid the tourniquet, pushed in the plunger and did the rinse. I felt amazing. It was like nothing I've ever felt with any other drug. The second time I couldnt keep my eyes open because i felt sick, i ended up vomititng and going home, when i had to get up for school i vomited twice more and didnt end up going. the third time I felt amazing again and the cotton rinses didnt give me anything. I still do ritalin everyday, I also know it sounds like I'm going to become a junkie but I wont. I can't shoot myself up and I cant afford it. Its fun to do but not everyday. I'm not going to say 'Don't end up like me' or ' Don't do drugs' its your life do what you want, who am i, a perfect strange, to say no. I can stop , i mean i have before but i decided i didnt want to, i didnt need the drugs, like i wasnt going mad with out them i just like them. I will stop eventually. I know i can do it myself to, I stopped smoking without anybodys help. I wasnt one of those people whos always saying 'I need a cigarette' every five minutes, i was one of those who had 2 sometimes 3 a day or less. one pack would last me 2 and half weeks where it lasts some of my friends 2 and a half days. if i really wanted id stop this too but i dont. Point is if you want to do drugs go ahead but be safe about it like i am and try to be.  

retteXmich19 retteXmich19
18-21, F
7 Responses Feb 8, 2010

it's ok now. I cleaned my act up. I went through a lot this year and began to appreciate my life and respect myself more. I don't want to be my own destruction. I don't want to be the cause of my own unhappy ending. All I do now is the drugs I am legally prescribed, Adderall for ADD and Celexa for depression. I have chronic back pain due to a 'lumbar spazum' which i think personally is bullshit, so I was prescribed some things to numb the pain. Some days I feel like I was hit by a car and some days I can barely get out of bed. If I am prescribed it, I'll take it. My names on the bottle, Its for a legitimate reason. I'm through with being completely reckless and out of hand. My best friend, who I used to shoot up with recently died. It was exactly one month today. It was caused by a heroin overdose. When I shot up with her it was only 7-8 times on the course of a year. The most I got was 15ccs. She would do between 2-4 bags a day. Even though it was a once in awhile deal, I stopped a long time ago. I won't/can't go near the stuff now. It took the only life that was ever really meaningful to me. It's not worth it. At all.

Great stuff Rette, & thank goodness your mum has found out & is helping you. Ive had experience of being in rehab & I would say that when you get there, listen to the people who want to help you & keep the focus on yourself. Take care, I wish you well on your journey. One day at a time.

thank you =]

Congrat Rette!! It made my day reading your post. There are soooo many amazing things in life that don't include drugs or that you would have missed totally because you were using. <br />
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Good luck to you and

thank you both for your advice. I'm actually going to rehab next week because my mother found out about my activities. you're both right and I'm going to quit for good.

Please stop this before you get well & truly mastered by the drugs you are using. Theres no if about this, if you continue to do what your doing. The end results will inevitably be jails, institutions, lifelong(or short) misery or death. I'm not giving you my opinion, its my experience. You may think you're in control & its you whose taking the drugs, sooner or later the drugs will be in control & taking you. Still as you say its your life & maybe your different from the millions of others including me who also thought they were in control. I wasted 20 years of my life using & messed up every good opportunity I had the chance of. Please think about it, leave the drugs & embrace the life you've been given.

You are playing with fire here. You have tried the drugs you wanted to experience...now why not stop? I have tried every drug in the book (even snorting heroin a few times) but I've never injected anything. I wanted to experience stuff and then I stopped before getting in too deep.<br />
All drug users can handle it at first..then one day you are truly hooked and become an addict. Also you seem to be a poly drug abuser. You say you can stop but if you think about it it sounds like you are just switching up the drugs..you are always doing SOME kind of chemical. And that is still a form of addiction. Remember there are lots of amazing things in life that don't include drugs and you are still plenty young enough to enjoy them all. The thrill of travel, job success, academic success, spiritual awakening, love and romance...Please stop now while you still can.